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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

May 25th 2013 new
...technical issues... I don't want a people pleaser or a chameleon but an authentic, solid person who knows who they are.
May 25th 2013 new
Hey Daniel,

I was super picky for too long. I actually find it ironic that your friend said to drop the checklist and find a soul mate. I just saw another post (and I am sorry I forget who wrote that so can't give you credit!) but the "soul mate" heresy as I like to call it says that there is just one woman (or for ladies a man) on the face of the planet earth who can make me happy. It's when we are looking for a soul mate that we pull out our checklist. False. We need certain criteria for who we will or won't date, but it needs to be open, and God is constantly throwing potential spouses into our life.

I'm currently dating a non Catholic (she is Christian but searching.) We need to do a lot of discerning to see if our relationship will work, but it's going along very well right now. I'd like to toss out a different set of criteria out there to supplement the faith ones (which are important!)

(1) as a man I am not looking for someone (romantically) to make me happy; I need to find a women I can make happy.
(2) will she take care of my heart at all times?
(3) Will she let me know that she appreciates my gift?
(4) can we talk like lovers?
(5) can we be funny?
(6) can we be serious?

If the answers to all those are yes then it's someone we can likely build a relationship with. Keep discerning!

(7) Does she have very strong opinions that clash with mine?
(8) does she do lots of things that I find annoying?
(9) does she take me for granted?

If the answer to any of these is yes run away!
May 25th 2013 new
(quote) Matt-61677 said: Hey Daniel,

I was super picky for too long. I actually find it ironic that your friend said to drop the checklist and find a soul mate. I just saw another post (and I am sorry I forget who wrote that so can't give you credit!) but the "soul mate" heresy as I like to call it says that there is just one woman (or for ladies a man) on the face of the planet earth who can make me happy. It's when we are looking for a soul mate that we pull out our checklist. False. We need certain criteria for who we will or won't date, but it needs to be open, and God is constantly throwing potential spouses into our life.

I'm currently dating a non Catholic (she is Christian but searching.) We need to do a lot of discerning to see if our relationship will work, but it's going along very well right now. I'd like to toss out a different set of criteria out there to supplement the faith ones (which are important!)

(1) as a man I am not looking for someone (romantically) to make me happy; I need to find a women I can make happy.
(2) will she take care of my heart at all times?
(3) Will she let me know that she appreciates my gift?
(4) can we talk like lovers?
(5) can we be funny?
(6) can we be serious?

If the answers to all those are yes then it's someone we can likely build a relationship with. Keep discerning!

(7) Does she have very strong opinions that clash with mine?
(8) does she do lots of things that I find annoying?
(9) does she take me for granted?

If the answer to any of these is yes run away!
Matt, once again you have submitted a response that is so full of wisdom. Let all the men out there take note--this guy knows what he's talking about.
May 25th 2013 new
(quote) Matt-61677 said: Hey Daniel,

I was super picky for too long. I actually find it ironic that your friend said to drop the checklist and find a soul mate. I just saw another post (and I am sorry I forget who wrote that so can't give you credit!) but the "soul mate" heresy as I like to call it says that there is just one woman (or for ladies a man) on the face of the planet earth who can make me happy. It's when we are looking for a soul mate that we pull out our checklist. False. We need certain criteria for who we will or won't date, but it needs to be open, and God is constantly throwing potential spouses into our life.

I'm currently dating a non Catholic (she is Christian but searching.) We need to do a lot of discerning to see if our relationship will work, but it's going along very well right now. I'd like to toss out a different set of criteria out there to supplement the faith ones (which are important!)

(1) as a man I am not looking for someone (romantically) to make me happy; I need to find a women I can make happy.
(2) will she take care of my heart at all times?
(3) Will she let me know that she appreciates my gift?
(4) can we talk like lovers?
(5) can we be funny?
(6) can we be serious?

If the answers to all those are yes then it's someone we can likely build a relationship with. Keep discerning!

(7) Does she have very strong opinions that clash with mine?
(8) does she do lots of things that I find annoying?
(9) does she take me for granted?

If the answer to any of these is yes run away!
Great insights.
May 25th 2013 new
(quote) Donna-83441 said: My thought has always been that I wanted someone who has a stronger faith than I have.. I have found such a man, daily Mass guy who is never far from his rosary.. He will be the spiritual leader in our house.. There are so many more important reasons to reject someone.. How about addictions or abuse?
Glad to hear You get a Gold Star! theheart
May 25th 2013 new
(quote) Matt-61677 said: Hey Daniel,

I was super picky for too long. I actually find it ironic that your friend said to drop the checklist and find a soul mate. I just saw another post (and I am sorry I forget who wrote that so can't give you credit!) but the "soul mate" heresy as I like to call it says that there is just one woman (or for ladies a man) on the face of the planet earth who can make me happy. It's when we are looking for a soul mate that we pull out our checklist. False. We need certain criteria for who we will or won't date, but it needs to be open, and God is constantly throwing potential spouses into our life.

I'm currently dating a non Catholic (she is Christian but searching.) We need to do a lot of discerning to see if our relationship will work, but it's going along very well right now. I'd like to toss out a different set of criteria out there to supplement the faith ones (which are important!)

(1) as a man I am not looking for someone (romantically) to make me happy; I need to find a women I can make happy.
(2) will she take care of my heart at all times?
(3) Will she let me know that she appreciates my gift?
(4) can we talk like lovers?
(5) can we be funny?
(6) can we be serious?

If the answers to all those are yes then it's someone we can likely build a relationship with. Keep discerning!

(7) Does she have very strong opinions that clash with mine?
(8) does she do lots of things that I find annoying?
(9) does she take me for granted?

If the answer to any of these is yes run away!
Please forgive my directness, but where's the depth for what you are looking for? Aren't you looking for a woman who parallel's your faith walk? Someone who wants to enter into heaven with you? Or are you hoping to lead her to become a faithful Catholic someday?

From Proverbs 31:(10-31)

Who can find a woman of worth?
Far beyond jewels is her value.

and

the woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.


www.usccb.org

May 25th 2013 new
I'll answer this question indirectly. God does not call us to be successful in the sense the world sees it. God calls us to try, and quite possibly fail. Eleven of the twelve apostles are believed to have been martyred. They were probably told that they were crazy. They were ordered to stop preaching about the Risen Lord. Even some of Jesus' relatives believed him to be mad. "Picky?" If that's the worst thing that people say about me, and I'm not crucified or shot, I am probably getting off easy. I am looking for a lady who will help me to rear good Catholic children, whether they be mine, hers, or ours (obviously, whatever children she might already have would become ours after marriage). If no such ladies exist, I am not necessarily a failure in God's sight, any more than the apostles were failures. Why God sends people into the world destined to "fail" is one of the grand mysteries of the universe, but I do not have to understand it; I must simply accept it. At least He does not ask anything of us that He was not willing to suffer Himself.
May 25th 2013 new
I respectfully suggest that when you seek to have conversations with friends, you do so with folks who are more religious rather than less religious. You want to be inspired positively, not negatively. Right??
May 26th 2013 new
Hi Wendy,

I did say that the faith criteria are important and that the list supplements it, and I did say that the if the answer to the first 6 was yes keep discerning, not you are fine. But if she answers yes to the first 6 and no to the last 3 she will be plenty deep. Might the relationship fail? Sure. Could it succeed? Yes! Not all courtships will end in marriage, but all done in good will following the grace of God will make both better people, regardless of the outcome.
May 26th 2013 new
(quote) Joan-684265 said: I respectfully suggest that when you seek to have conversations with friends, you do so with folks who are more religious rather than less religious. You want to be inspired positively, not negatively. Right??
Well in every conversation somebody has to be more religious and someone has to be less religious! Did the apostles only talk to more religious people? The prophets? The pope? We need to talk both to people who will inspire us and to people who need to hear the word of God from us.
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