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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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May 26th 2013 new
Matt, I am referring to the context of Catholic Match. I agree with you in reference to being evangelical outside of CM.
May 26th 2013 new
Hello Daniel - great points!

God has revealed to me who I really am. I know better now what/who it is that God want for me. And thanks to the Holy Spirit - I can understand a whole lot better and it makes a lot of sense.I do have non negotiables - my faith in Christ and also belief in the Teachings of the Church He founded. This didn't happen overnight. It came from the bumps and bruise of wrong decisions along the way.

I used to joke around that if you are to put my (dating) pool in a Venn Diagram it will be a tiny dot in a cluster of circles - but it's worth it for me. It goes hand in hand with charity - I would not want to put someone through difficulty because our values do not match.

Which is why I don't want to lead anyone on - if we don't share the same values, better to let them go back in the water and swim away and find a "line" that is best for them (I know it's a bad analogy) so that they can find a better match for them. I have to think long term especially if there will be kids involved in the future - what kind of home will it be for them if I compromise my values? Christ did say - it's better to go through the narrow gate.

Dating can be fun though - it's a great chance to know yourself more. Offline dating is a little more , what's the word, hmmm...a "step in the darkness" hehehe.

Truth is, I'd rather be single than be in a bad relationship - a bad relationship that will lead me away from Christ, away from good spiritual health and good physical health etc.(And If God wants me to be a with a good non-Catholic man over a bad Catholic man - let His will be done, not mine. I sure do prefer a good Catholic man a lot though :D ).



May 26th 2013 new
Tara - I agree with everything you said.. and of course, it doesn't matter how small the "pool" is.. you only need 1 bite and I guarantee you THAT exists.
May 26th 2013 new
(quote) Matt-61677 said: Well in every conversation somebody has to be more religious and someone has to be less religious! Did the apostles only talk to more religious people? The prophets? The pope? We need to talk both to people who will inspire us and to people who need to hear the word of God from us.
You are right, Matt!

And I must add: if we only talk to the knowledgable, we limit ourselves to be the student, when we can also be teachers!

In each person we meet, is an opportunity to learn and share. To give, as well as to receive.
May 26th 2013 new
(quote) Meg-920823 said: I want it to be who they are , well before I meet them. I want to know their convictions are genuinely their decision and not for me or anyone else. I d I
I agree with you Meg on this one.

It is better to date someone who knows who they are, and what they believe in and was open about it.

The worst thing is to change one's self to please or attract a potential partner. That would be disastrous (to self and to the other person), as eventually, the real self will surface!
May 26th 2013 new
Daniel,
If you're committed to chastity, and a woman you are dating is not, it may become a proximate occasion of sin for you. It's difficult enough if you both understand and feel the committment.

If someone supports the current administration, and you are repulsed by their anti-life, anti-marriage, anti-Christian policies, I think you'd have a hard time respecting that person's beliefs.

Evangelization and prosytelization, in my opinion, should take place before marriage if at all possible. It's very difficult to be married to someone who has views diametrically opposed to your own, if your own are in sync with God's to the best of your knowledge and ability.

If I was a strong Catholic woman, I might think Bill Clinton an attractive guy, maybe fun to have a brewski with, but I'd sure hate to be married to him......I would have said it from a man's perspective, but I can't see myself enjoying any beverage short of hemlock with our gal Hillary.

Just my opinion, since I've been there and done that, with not so hot results.....thank God for annulment
May 26th 2013 new
I think it's going to depend on the situation.

If it's something like her being pro-choice and you being pro-life, I think that's a discussion you need to have of a few scenarios and just how pro-choice she is. Same thing with the chastity. It may be that while she doesn't agree with it, she understands and is willing to be chaste in a relationship with you. Really just depends on the person.

Other than that, when you think you're being too picky, just remember that God always knows what he's doing, and your inner voice is usually right.
May 26th 2013 new
Frank--AMEN to that! If you go into marriage expecting the other to change in some specific way you will likely be disappointed and be in a really tough situation. Been there done that! Like Frank, thank the goodness of God the possibilty of annulment is available. There is no guarantee anyone will receive one. Thank God, I have. I heard someoe say that getting a declaration of nullity should be the eighth sacrament given how graced one feels on getting it. I am looking for someone with a level of faith that is not necessarily a match of mine but willing to deepen his faith if it is not deep. How would you of deep faith feel about someone who goes to Mass once a month?

I have a question that is slightly off subject but related. I see lots of men who list their wishes for a match to be "pretty". For the men: I am wondering about "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". For women: How many of us consider ourselves "pretty"? And do you respond to a man who has that in his list?
May 26th 2013 new
(quote) Elizabeth-960386 said: Frank--AMEN to that! If you go into marriage expecting the other to change in some specific way you will likely be disappointed and be in a really tough situation. Been there done that! Like Frank, thank the goodness of God the possibilty of annulment is available. There is no guarantee anyone will receive one. Thank God, I have. I heard someoe say that getting a declaration of nullity should be the eighth sacrament given how graced one feels on getting it. I am looking for someone with a level of faith that is not necessarily a match of mine but willing to deepen his faith if it is not deep. How would you of deep faith feel about someone who goes to Mass once a month?

I have a question that is slightly off subject but related. I see lots of men who list their wishes for a match to be "pretty". For the men: I am wondering about "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". For women: How many of us consider ourselves "pretty"? And do you respond to a man who has that in his list?
Elizabeth, thanks for sharing your thoughts & questions.
I agree with you on the issue of expecting someone to change--that's just not going to happen in most cases. However, some people here will attest that they did witness positive changes in a spouse after marriage. For example, I married a man who claimed to be an agnostic but 10 years later converted to Catholicism because he was moved by the Holy Spirit to do so.

Saying all that, at this stage of my life, I am looking for someone with a faith that is either the same level as mine or who is more devout than I am. There's all this business about being unequally yoked. Think about it in literal terms--picture in your mind the two oxen who are not pulling that load together because the yoke is uneven in some regard. One is going to work ever so much harder than the other to get the job done. If someone doesn't go to Mass weekly, how do you feel about him lounging at home on Sundays when your ideal would be to sit next to each other at Mass, go up to receive Communion together, maybe even discuss the homily or the readings when you got home. This may sound harsh, but I would rather be single right now than to have that kind of marriage. We're about the same age, Elizabeth, and that's my honest opinion about the faith issue.

As far as asking for a pretty woman--everyone has their own idea of what pretty is. Do most women look in the mirror & say, "Gee, I'm really pretty! I won't have any trouble getting guys to look at me" Or are we searching our faces in the mirror thinking, "Oh, look at my teeth, they're not perfect; my nose is a little too long; oops, I see some grays in my hair, etc." I have heard that even the most beautiful women or the most handsome guys are self-critical of their looks. Then we may think, "Well, I'm putting forth my best face, I hope he doesn't see any flaws."
Someone started a topic here asking why don't we just look at the person's heart--lots of good opinions were stated there. I met a woman once at work whose facial appearance was not pretty; in fact, she had many warts. But once she spoke she had the most lovely voice & she seemed to have a good heart & a Christian spirit. How many people looked aside when she came into a room & didn't get to know her at all?

So, in answer to your question, how do you respond to a request for a pretty woman--I would go ahead & meet the man if he asked for a F2F & see what happened. If he thought I just wasn't pretty enough & didn't care to know my heart & spirit, then it just wasn't meant to be. I know who I am inside & in God's eyes I am truly worthy. And we know, too, that guys lie about their own appearance by posting a photo that is years younger, etc.

I seem to be on a soapbox here, Just my mood today, I guess. Hope I'm not hurting anyone's feelings.
May 26th 2013 new
(quote) Daniel-726519 said: It feels wrong to go into a relationship if you know the morals don't match at least mostly, but at what point is it not accepting someone for who they are because they don't meet your ideal? What point is it hoping they'll change or compromising your beliefs? What do you let go and what do you hold as a requirement? At what point is it being too picky or and at what point is it settling?

Examples that come to mind are ...or one being practicing in their faith and the other not or being if a different faith.

So there are a lot of thoughts here so start where you like. Im still trying to make sense of it all.

I can understand your mixed emotions. I have been in your shoes before. You are not picky. It is just your faith that is in the forefront of your life that is affecting your decision making. I dated a guy who was the ideal person who could have become my husband but the deal breaker was that he did not believe in God. I married a guy who had previous thoughts of becoming a priest, who was from a very loving catholic family, who practiced his faith by going to mass on a weekly basis and who treated me like a queen. It seemed I made the right decision. Unfortunately, he broke the 6th commandment and became a totally different person. The non-believer, is still happily married with the girl he dated after we broke up. However, he still does not practice any religion whatsoever. His wife has become a non-practicing catholic, possibly from the influence of her husband. Yet, they are nice people. Despite the heartaches, the pains and tribulations I still believe that I did not make a wrong decision in my life. The sins of others, unfortunately affect one's life. My faith has helped me pull through. I would not change anything. Therefore, my advice to you is: if your Catholic faith is strong and very important to you, you will know who to choose. Do not ever stop praying and ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom when making your desicion.
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