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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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May 26th 2013 new
As I have indicated, I have resigned myself to having a few photos up so that folks have a sense of who they are talking to, as that seems fair to me. Over time, I have also determined that the most active profiles have some photos. A photo-less profile is often a neglected one (i.e. the person signs on less often).

However, I dont think it is fair to message someone without looking at their profile. What someone looks like is not more important than what they have to say. They may have set specific parameters regarding distance or age that you can only tell by reading their profile.

Everyone on here complains about how their time is wasted by people who dont respond to their emotigrams. Well, maybe read the person's profile first, and then you won't waste your time emotigramming someone from Fiji who wants a local relationship.


As for the photos of trees and mountains and pets, I kind of see both sides of the issue. If you have bothered to put up photos at all, a random nature scene lets people know that you like nature, but they will not likely write to you because theres a mountain and a tree in a picture. Its sort of like the lame profile line I like long walks on the beach.
May 26th 2013 new
I have defintely changed the way I use the site. I am not here as much anymore... for any reason. I brought this up today because these requests were recent and I feel like I have been here too long to have to still be dealing with such "low level" interaction. I agree with you that men like to see a pretty smile and it is pleasant for all of us men and women to see the smiles in ALL OF US and in fact the new format is harder for me to enjoy because we can't see each others profile shots as readily---so I do get all of that. The forums are not as fun because the new format seems to be more sparse and we can't "see" each others profile shot like before! It felt like we could "see each other" before- but not now.
May 26th 2013 new
(quote) Angela-374523 said: When I first joined CM, I did not have photos. I had a thoughtfully-written profile, a quiz and a personality test completed. I wanted someone to like the real me, my personality, and not what I looked like. I want to be married. As a Catholic, I believe that marriage is something sacred and unless there are some serious mitigating circumstances, it should be for life.

Over my lifetime, my appearance will change. My basic personality will not. I may learn a few new things and gain some perspective before everything is all said and done, but I will not all of the sudden start liking rap music or hate going to the library or whatever. My personality will be enduring. I wanted a gentleman to get to know the real me online before seeing me.

What did that get me on this site? "Men are visual". Really?? On a Catholic site, it doesnt matter what I say or how I behave, or what I believe, just show us what you look like so that you can be judged based upon appearances. Or no photos mean you must be hiding something ... like gross obesity or a really ugly face. Thanks. Youre a perfect specimen of a GQ cover model male yourself.

I have resigned myself to having a few photos up so that folks have a sense of who they are talking to, but I would rather have a gentleman hear what I am saying than just look at me while I am saying something.



We *do* appreciate being able to believe you're probably not an axe murderer. biggrin
May 27th 2013 new
i beg to differ with you Andrew:) Anyone would want to have serious warning before getting themselves into a relationship with someone who has 10 parrots, 3 cats, a 165 pound Newfoundland, an entire in-home library. If "he" isn't a lover of avian or animals, or has allergies, getting into a relationship with someone who has 10 noisy birds that should live 80 years would be pretty foolish even if they do help make my home a sort of indoor "Secret Garden Utopia" with plants, and huge cages for me. i'm a lot of fun but anyone who hates to read and prefers mechanical noise over animals and their noise, will see how serious i am about the ones who i've had 10-20 years that God sent to keep me company whilst waiting for him but they come with me.:) eyebrow biggrin
May 27th 2013 new
I am uncomfortable if someone asks for more pictures because I absolutely hate having photos taken of me. I cringe every time I see one and have posted the best of the very limited batch. So I find it very uncomfortable just the thought of taking more photos. . . or posting more. . .
May 27th 2013 new
(quote) Angela-374523 said:
What did that get me on this site? "Men are visual". Really?? On a Catholic site, it doesnt matter what I say or how I behave, or what I believe, just show us what you look like so that you can be judged based upon appearances. Or no photos mean you must be hiding something ... like gross obesity or a really ugly face. Thanks. Youre a perfect specimen of a GQ cover model male yourself.





I love this Angela. IMHO it's so true. It's disappointing how many people prioritize how good looking a person is than what's in their heart. Of couse, physical attraction is important, but I would think there should be a balance between physical and personality/compatibility/spirituality. But here, I feel the ratio is about +90%physical/-10%personality. I was pretty stunned when I found this here on a site for practicing Catholics, but it is what it is and Ive gotten used to it. Just MY opinion.

That being said, I do appreciate photos, but a few recent photos are enough. Pictures of interests/trips/hobbies are nice to show what is important to someone, but sometimes when I see dozens of photos of landscapes, I get bored and frustrated by having to go through all of them to find one or two, or sometimes no, pictures of the person.
May 27th 2013 new
(quote) Lauren-927923 said: I am uncomfortable if someone asks for more pictures because I absolutely hate having photos taken of me. I cringe every time I see one and have posted the best of the very limited batch. So I find it very uncomfortable just the thought of taking more photos. . . or posting more. . .
Ditto, what you've said Lauren! When I see a camera anywhere near me I will suddenly remember something in the other room that it is imperative that I retrieve right then!! More 'photographers' have been dumbfounded to see the results of pictures they thought they'd taken of me....like somebody else jumped into the shot just as the button got pressed eyepopping

As for whether my correspondents are having a relationship with me or my photo....first I'll have to have a relationship, then I'll let ya know!!! mischievous Initially, I imagine that would be the case...what else to they have to go on? Pictures can be deceptive and so can written profiles. Avoiding F2F contact may not necessarily mean the correspondent is having a relationship with the picture. They could just be nervous, chicken, not real...and the list goes on and on!

Good topic, anyhow!
May 27th 2013 new
(quote) Angela-374523 said: As I have indicated, I have resigned myself to having a few photos up so that folks have a sense of who they are talking to, as that seems fair to me. Over time, I have also determined that the most active profiles have some photos. A photo-less profile is often a neglected one (i.e. the person signs on less often).

However, I dont think it is fair to message someone without looking at their profile. What someone looks like is not more important than what they have to say. They may have set specific parameters regarding distance or age that you can only tell by reading their profile.

Everyone on here complains about how their time is wasted by people who dont respond to their emotigrams. Well, maybe read the person's profile first, and then you won't waste your time emotigramming someone from Fiji who wants a local relationship.


As for the photos of trees and mountains and pets, I kind of see both sides of the issue. If you have bothered to put up photos at all, a random nature scene lets people know that you like nature, but they will not likely write to you because theres a mountain and a tree in a picture. Its sort of like the lame profile line I like long walks on the beach.
Angela, you have articulated my feelings exactly, especially emotigramming someone in Fiji who wants a local relationship. BTW, Fiji has the most AMAZING snorkeling; I can't wait to go there and when I do I will post at least 50 photos of colorful fish on my CM profile (I am NOT kidding).

Marian's point is definitely a bone of contention for me as well. I was a professional portrait photographer for many years (while I was a SAHM raising 4 kids). With today's technology photos can be altered so dramatically that the person in the photo doesn't even resemble the "real thing". Believe you me, I have altered MANY photos and made MANY people look like movie stars (removed love handles, pot bellies, you name it). I could even make a short person look taller!!

Seriously, people's (particularly the male gender) obsession with the physical appearance of the opposite gender is at a very unhealthy level on this site (I haven't been on any other dating site, so I can't compare). One day (when I was supposed to be doing my taxes) I randomly viewed females profiles who had an "attractive" head shot photo and then viewed their other photos. 99.9% of the time these "attractive" female members had lots of "likes", especially the photos of them dressed or looking more seductive. Then I viewed photos of female members who had "less attractive" initial head shot photos and no seductive looking photos and they had no "likes" on their photos. Imagine that!?!

So ladies, if you want a man to "like" your photos and increase the chances of him contacting you, display photos of yourself in a seductive outfit, or at least a seductive pose (you know, the pouty face with the big lips). If you aren't comfortable with your physical appearance on the original photo, let me know. I can alter it so you look like a movie star and then you will have all kinds of messages/emotes.

Lastly, for those who don't know how to "pose" for the camera to get your "best features" I have some tips for you as well.

Of course men are visual creatures, but with the over abundance of porn (be it soft, like underwear ads, or hard) their minds have been distorted so badly that I don't have much hope for them, and this is coming from a mom of two twenty-something year old young men.



May 27th 2013 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said: So ladies, if you want a man to "like" your photos and increase the chances of him contacting you, display photos of yourself in a seductive outfit, or at least a seductive pose (you know, the pouty face with the big lips). If you aren't comfortable with your physical appearance on the original photo, let me know. I can alter it so you look like a movie star and then you will have all kinds of messages/emotes.



If you have to do this to get a response from a man, is that a man someone who is going to make a good husband and father?

May 27th 2013 new
As for me, Jerry -- I feel if I have to try to fake who I am just to catch your attention and interest, I'd rather not catch your interest at all! I am who I am! I am me, and if you don't find me attractive, interesting, lovable, move along and don't waste my time and I won't waste yours! I want a man who wants a real woman, not an air-brushed unrealistic barbie doll.
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