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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

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Jun 8th 2013 new
(quote) Joseph-903200 said: There are reasons that you are not getting responses that have nothing to do with your profile. Maybe the women your writing too are already going back and forth with a few guys or maybe the are only interested in local men.

Across the board I think the response rate is very low on online matching sites so don't even pay attention to it. Your not worried about having a high response rate what you want is to meet the right person.


Great answer Joe... on both accounts. We have to not get caught up on "response rate", rather look at it as "maybe this wasn't the right person" or "maybe they are already communicating with someone else". smile Praying
Jun 8th 2013 new
(quote) Gina-972555 said: Dear Michael

Some of what you have said in your profile seems inflexible and contradictory in the areas of your ideal match and introduction....there isn't a lot about who 'you' are just what 'you' do and want in a partner and what 'you' want her to do with you if you were together. A woman who is peaceful and feminine may not be athletically inclined but enjoy other forms of physical activity. There is assumption that you will have children as well, and a woman that has a career yet appreciates traditional gender roles. You can't have it both ways, it's either one or the other for a mother. You want her to compliment who you are, so is there any room for compromise, patience or acceptance of differences.

I know it's difficult to write from the heart and to find the words that reflect who we are. I just found your profile confusing and it comes across as though you are not open to anything but what you want. Some of the photos don't look authentic as well, they look like they are cut/paste background. You have a really nice smile, so post more of those.

Gina
A woman with a career and traditional gender roles are not necessarily incompatible. I think some people have this vision of a woman who works for an income as someone who doesn't care about her family. I don't know where that stereotype came from, but it is offensive to every woman that has had to seek work to either support herself or to contribute to the family income.

A career is a series of jobs in a particular field or related fields. So, working as a teacher before you are married, taking maternity leave when children come along, perhaps adding an extended unpaid leave of absence, then returning as a full-time teacher when your own children are in school is an example of balancing career and traditional gender roles. Perhaps in this scenario, the woman may take primary responsibility for cooking meals and laundry and cleaning, while the man does the outdoors work and maintenance around the house. That is a traditional division of labour.

Or, the woman may stay at home, but run a home-based business. There are a lot of Avon ladies who are married and have kids. In the olden days, a married woman might sell eggs, jam or pies at the farmers' markets, or take in the laundry to earn extra money. Does the career in agriculture interfere with family life? Earning an income does not turn a woman into a man, and it does not necessarily displace the love of one's family. Just my two cents.

Jun 8th 2013 new
Well in that case people's definitions and expectations better be clearly stated so they are on the same page.
Jun 8th 2013 new
(quote) Michael-780154 said: I am not receiving responses to nearly all--95%--of the messages I send to women here. Is there something in my profile that sends the wrong message to women? Are divorced Catholic men who have children so "off limits" that we're at the bottom of the pool when it comes to desirability? Maybe men in our forties are invisible to women now. While I'd never rush into a relationship and likely have years of an active life left to enjoy, I'm not getting any younger and want to enjoy married life as a relatively young guy.

It does not make sense, in my mind, that a good looking, and decent Catholic man with a stable job would have so much difficulty finding someone online. Just trying to understand why.

Appreciate any thoughts... Maybe they will be helpful to the multitudes of other men here who have recently stated they're not receiving responses to initial contacts they make, either.


Thank you,

Michael
Michael, As I write this, I'm trying to explain it to myself, too.This church does not change quickly. It is my belief that traditional Catholics subscribe to Catholic Match, people who place marrying in their faith at the top of their "required" list. As a result, in today's dominant U.S. culture, you might say these people are "very conservative." I'm an educated cradle Catholic who was raised in a 95% Catholic town with a Benedictine monastery; that's why I'm here.

I am 57 yrs old. I remember the priest saying Mass in Latin; I was in elementary school then. This church does not change quickly. So yes, we divorced, single people even if we are annulled are at the bottom of the Catholic singles food chain. But we're here. We're looking. And we're gonna be success stories. If not, a guy on my "When to give up?" thread suggested I subscribe to a popular singles site w/"Harmony" in its name and click only for Catholic men.

Meanwhile, read either John Gottman's "7 Principles for Making Marriage Work" or Gary Chapman's "The 5 Love Languages." The woman you marry (eventually) and your own children (right now) will benefit. I hope this helps. Patience is a virtue.
Jun 8th 2013 new
Margo, thank you.

I've read the 5 Love Languages... so will have to check Gottman's book. It sounds like a useful and enlightening read.

Thank you again for your thoughtful reply.


Blessings,

Michael
Jun 8th 2013 new
(quote) Michael-780154 said: Margo, thank you.

I've read the 5 Love Languages... so will have to check Gottman's book. It sounds like a useful and enlightening read.

Thank you again for your thoughtful reply.


Blessings,

Michael
Great, Michael. Have you figured out your children's love languages? How has that affected yr r'ship with them? Do they know yours? Also, the Gottman Love Maps concept and Accepting Influence concept are very important to grow/keep a good relationship.
Jun 8th 2013 new
(quote) Michael-780154 said: I have a question that I'll just throw out there, as I'm becoming discouraged about the possibility of finding anyone on CM. (Have been a member for awhile...though have only been seeking for a couple months or so.)

I am not receiving responses to nearly all--95%--of the messages I send to women here. Is there something in my profile that sends the wrong message to women? Are divorced Catholic men who have children so "off limits" that we're at the bottom of the pool when it comes to desirability? Maybe men in our forties are invisible to women now. While I'd never rush into a relationship and likely have years of an active life left to enjoy, I'm not getting any younger and want to enjoy married life as a relatively young guy.

It does not make sense, in my mind, that a good looking, and decent Catholic man with a stable job would have so much difficulty finding someone online. Just trying to understand why.

Appreciate any thoughts... Maybe they will be helpful to the multitudes of other men here who have recently stated they're not receiving responses to initial contacts they make, either.


Thank you,

Michael
Michael, Angela, et. al.,
I understand completely about being a bit frustrated here at CM. I think we can all get that way at times. I've been here at CM off and on for several years now and have met a couple of wonderful ladies F2F but have not met my soulmate yet. I still have faith that that will happen, whether here on CM or beyond.

There are reasons other than one's profile that those of the other gender do not reply to your messages. Some reasons have been mentioned above, but the biggest reason I've found is that a CM'er that you're sending a message to may not be a paid member of the site. If not, they can not respond to your message with anything more than an empty emotigram.

Also, many people "join" (i.e., put up a profile in order to browse around to see if someone interests them), but they don't actively participate in any site activities. Many of those will leave their profile up, but hardly ever check in to see if someone messages them or even take a months-long break. One lady I had sent a message to a while back was a person like that. She hadn't checked in for months, so she missed my message to her because it had been automatically archived by the time she checked back in. She ended up sending me a message eventually on her own without even knowing I had sent her a message at all (we lived in about the same area at the time).

Maybe you could branch out a little and either attend a CM event (either in Tampa or Orlando or an out-of-state event) or plan one in your own area. (I'm trying that myself.) At the very least, you'll make some good new friends, and who knows, maybe you'll meet someone special there or meet someone who thinks that a friend of theirs might be a good match for you. It can't hurt to try. Putting yourself out there before as many people as possible betters your odds of meeting someone.

And don't forget to keep on sending messages to ladies you find interesting. I used to think that I should only send messages to a few CM ladies (I felt guilty sending to more than just a handful), but after experiencing the 95% non-response rate you speak of, I realized that the more messages I sent, the more likely a lady might actually respond positively.

Lastly, be patient. As others have said here, God works on a different time frame than we do. We can get a bit impatient, but He knows our hearts better than we do. Give it some time. I have several friends here at CM who have been here longer than I have that have just recently found their soulmate. Some had just about given up when the right one finally came along. And I'm sure that all of them would say that their soulmate was worth waiting for.

Anyway, enough of my thesis on CM here. laughing Just keep praying and trying some different things here at CM and see where that all leads. I've always kind of liked the phrase, "Let go and let God." He's infinitely smarter than I am and knows what's best for me better than I do.

God Bless,
Steve
Jun 9th 2013 new
Michael you have a fine profile,if you could include photos of actually relaxing and make sure to acknowledge
every emoticon,message and visit to your profile I'm sure you will find that one.
Jun 9th 2013 new
Hi Micheal

While, I have not read the other responses to your original post I wanted to chime in with my experience (or my two cents biggrin ).

I have been here for more than 6 months now, and I can say that my response rate is around 5% or so. (I consider negative responses as a response i.e. I am not interested, please go away!! is a response as far as I am concerned.)

Over the past 2-3 weeks I messaged 23 women and none have responded. (All with status Active this week.) Dont take these rejections personally, just keep sending out messages to others.
Jun 9th 2013 new
(quote) Dave-915458 said: Hi Micheal

While, I have not read the other responses to your original post I wanted to chime in with my experience (or my two cents ).

I have been here for more than 6 months now, and I can say that my response rate is around 5% or so. (I consider negative responses as a response i.e. I am not interested, please go away!! is a response as far as I am concerned.)

Over the past 2-3 weeks I messaged 23 women and none have responded. (All with status Active this week.) Dont take these rejections personally, just keep sending out messages to others.
Gee, I wish you guys were in my age range.
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