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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

Aug 13th 2013 new
(quote) Sam-427739 said: Sorry to post where I don't belong.

Thank you for your compassion, Marge. Both roads are difficult and at times painful. I appreciate your empathy.
Who says tou do not belong. I would prefer more people look into the widow section, to get a better understanding of what we go through. I am not taking away anything from being divorced, we all have emotions issues on both of these subjects. If you do not read, you cannot understand what's involved.
Aug 13th 2013 new
(quote) Kevin-975826 said: I am confused starting at "scared looks"
Kevin, scared looks at me when they heard that he died. Scared looks at the wake and funeral. Scared because death scares people. And if he died so young then someone they love could as well. They don't know how to handle tragedy and so they are scared because they don't know how to escape it, escape real life. I am not sure what you mean? They didn't want to be around me in case death rubbed off on them, I guess???
Aug 13th 2013 new
(quote) Jane-933948 said: Kevin, scared looks at me when they heard that he died. Scared looks at the wake and funeral. Scared because death scares people. And if he died so young then someone they love could as well. They don't know how to handle tragedy and so they are scared because they don't know how to escape it, escape real life. I am not sure what you mean? They didn't want to be around me in case death rubbed off on them, I guess???
I understand. People in general are afraid of death. Lets face is you can't get out of this life alive. Considering that a wake or funeral is for the living to help them cope with the situation. To all the people who hasn't faced death of family member of friend, their are books out on it.
Aug 13th 2013 new
(quote) Jane-933948 said: Kevin, scared looks at me when they heard that he died. Scared looks at the wake and funeral. Scared because death scares people. And if he died so young then someone they love could as well. They don't know how to handle tragedy and so they are scared because they don't know how to escape it, escape real life. I am not sure what you mean? They didn't want to be around me in case death rubbed off on them, I guess???
Jane I totally get what you say. I had the same experience. I think people fear for us also in being able to care for ourselves. And you're right. They know that this is a strong reminder that it can happen to anyone. I had several people tell me "I am going to make changes in my life now based on your experience, because I don't want to be you." THAT was honest, but not very comforting, because even I didn't want to be me at that time.
We are not as a society, good at educating ourselves about how to respond to someone who has just lost their significant person. We avoid this kind of knowledge at all costs, hoping that if we don't acknowledge it, it can't happen to us. The old "ignorance is bliss" theory is still much easier than doing the hard work of facing things head-on. This mentality is truly a disservice to all of us. Sooner or later, unless one divorces, or both die at the same time OR if you are the one who passes first, we will have to go through this. Wouldn't it be great if society were more supportive because believe me it is hard enough without having people make it harder.
Aug 13th 2013 new
And Kevin is right. I have been reading like crazy in order to understand and cope with all that has happened. I am making some good progress but this is much harder and takes longer than I ever imagined it could. rose
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