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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Jun 17th 2013 new
Keep on postin' Kenny! I enjoy reading your stuff!
Jun 17th 2013 new
(quote) Linda-756196 said: Since I am very skeptical and pathetic at knowing the dating scene, let me ask something. Is it wrong to think that men should do some of the work in terms of pursuing and asking out first? I am not the kind of girl that chases the flavor of the month or even the day and when a man talks about how many messages and views he has, I get a little ill. I guess I think that maybe we women have made it too easy on men? I don't know. I am new to being single and new to online dating. Maybe I am old fashioned, but to me if a man views me, it doesn't equate interest (maybe disgust because if men never reach out, it must be me? ).

In the life, I do get asked out, but men have so far been about seeing if I will be the Friday special. I am not that girl. Maybe I need to live long enough to get someone who still believes in asking the woman out first and opening the door for her. Gee, I am 51 now. Wonder how long that will be? 85?
Linda,

Yes, it's the man's joy (it's not a job) to initiate relationship. And not just once but continuously. It's the woman's joy to let the man know he is appreciated. If he looks but nothing else it means one of several things:
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(1) he is interested but too scared to ask. In this case he needs to learn to initiate a relationship. If he can't do it once he probably won't be able to do it repeatedly.
(2) he's somewhat interested (borderline) If he lives far away this might be the case. So if you get a look from a gent in CA then he might be worth sending a quick emote with a note about something that you like (Assuming you are OK with a LDR)
(3) he's not interested.
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You can usually tell a man's confidence level from his descriptions. If he sounds energetic, funny and confident he is. If he sounds unsure then he probably is unsure.
Jun 17th 2013 new
(quote) Linda-756196 said: Since I am very skeptical and pathetic at knowing the dating scene, let me ask something. Is it wrong to think that men should do some of the work in terms of pursuing and asking out first? I am not the kind of girl that chases the flavor of the month or even the day and when a man talks about how many messages and views he has, I get a little ill. I guess I think that maybe we women have made it too easy on men? I don't know. I am new to being single and new to online dating. Maybe I am old fashioned, but to me if a man views me, it doesn't equate interest (maybe disgust because if men never reach out, it must be me? ).

In the life, I do get asked out, but men have so far been about seeing if I will be the Friday special. I am not that girl. Maybe I need to live long enough to get someone who still believes in asking the woman out first and opening the door for her. Gee, I am 51 now. Wonder how long that will be? 85?
Dear good soul,

It isn't easy is it? I kind of like Matt's advice (posted above) which explains, in his estimation, why some men browse and don't leave messages.

For the sake of my tender self-esteem, I do chose to think that if a man views me but does not send a message it is one of the above reasons. Also, if I like those first few lines that serve as a blurb in their profile, I may be intrigued enough to view back. I am very firmly of the mind that a man should initiate, but not be solely responsible for sustaining the communication.

I will say that the most fruitful conversations, have been with men who wrote something and not simply sent an emote. All told, dear lady, it is a difficult place to be for both sexes. I give men so much credit for initiating something out of nothing.

So, bereft of wise words, I simply say to pray. Ask Him to open your heart and help you be vulnerable to the love He has in store for you. Then, and this is the difficult part, let go of any expectations. Release them. Detached from outcomes, you will definitely enjoy the experience much more.

In Christ,
Leyden
Jun 17th 2013 new
Matt,

This is so good to know!
I feel like as a girl, I would view and not send an emote and that would mean I'm interested! I look at the picture and the first few lines of the interview and decide if I am intersted or not. if so, I view the profile. Is that waaaaaay to subtle? That being said, sometimes I view and run.

My question then is, should I be sending an emote or something instead of thinking that my view is going to indicate interest to him? scratchchin

And Linda, it will happen if it is meant to! God's ways are not my ways and struggle every day to remind myself that he has a plan...and it must be way the heck better than mine because mine ain't workin' out very well. rolling eyes It is so hard...even when I send a message to a guy who really excites me, I have to say a little "thy will be done," so that don't get too discouraged when it goes no where.
Jun 17th 2013 new
(quote) Naomi-825244 said: Matt,

This is so good to know!
I feel like as a girl, I would view and not send an emote and that would mean I'm interested! I look at the picture and the first few lines of the interview and decide if I am intersted or not. if so, I view the profile. Is that waaaaaay to subtle? That being said, sometimes I view and run.

My question then is, should I be sending an emote or something instead of thinking that my view is going to indicate interest to him?

And Linda, it will happen if it is meant to! God's ways are not my ways and struggle every day to remind myself that he has a plan...and it must be way the heck better than mine because mine ain't workin' out very well. It is so hard...even when I send a message to a guy who really excites me, I have to say a little "thy will be done," so that don't get too discouraged when it goes no where.
I always kind of thought that if a lady from the forums would view me and not send a message, then they were just curious who was posting in the forums. Nothing more. But maybe I'm wrong there...

If it was not someone from the forums, then I was inclined to think that there was something in my profile they didn't like. That's why they wouldn't send a quick emote or something...
Jun 17th 2013 new
I prefer to do the work and HATE to be chased or pursued, so, know, your thoughts are not wrong! Men should be taking an active role----once a handkerchief has been dropped. . .
Jun 17th 2013 new
(quote) Naomi-825244 said: Matt,

This is so good to know!
I feel like as a girl, I would view and not send an emote and that would mean I'm interested! I look at the picture and the first few lines of the interview and decide if I am intersted or not. if so, I view the profile. Is that waaaaaay to subtle? That being said, sometimes I view and run.

My question then is, should I be sending an emote or something instead of thinking that my view is going to indicate interest to him?


Hi Naomi,

You are right; if a woman just looks at at a guy's profile it tells us that she is interested. She was definitely interested enough to give us a good look. Sometimes she may discover something that tells her no way, but usually not. It's then up to the guy to pursue. An emote is fine as well, as it lets us guys know that a lady is really interested, but it still leaves it up to us to initiate. If you were on our radar it can get you to the front of the line. If you weren't it can get you on the radar. Of course the gent may not pursue for plenty of reasons as well (often on CM it seems like he does not) but if you can handle the disappointment it will eventually pay off!


Jun 17th 2013 new
(quote) Matt-61677 said:  if a woman just looks at at a guy's profile it tells us that she is interested. 
When I look at a man's profile it means I am interested in reading his profile. After that I may or may not be interested in him, and from my experience the majority of times I am not. If someone is quite wacky or seems like a solid guy then I'll initiate contact, but other than that I wait for men to look at my profile and send me messages.

If a man views my profile but does not contact me, I assume he is not interested.
Jun 17th 2013 new
I'm glad to hear it, gents! I still cringe inside when I message someone first! I feel like I'm being uber forward and will attract the wrong sort of guy. That said, sometimes if guy seems to be the quiet type, I may send a little hello and wait for an answer...but it will be back and forth after that.
Jun 17th 2013 new
Kenny, to stop joking around would mean that you wouldn't be you. I need to "lighten up, Francis!" Plus, it wasn't really a commentary on you as much as it is my own insecurities about the dating world being so different at my age than in my youth. Joke around, but be ready to get it back.
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