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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Jun 22nd 2013 new
(quote) Jerry-74383 said: Perhaps this is a sign your vocation is not to marriage.

I see it as the opposite-that he IS called to marriage because he is looking for holy women with similar beliefs and a love for God. Take heart-Andy. There are many women out there who know they are called to holiness but want to be married.
Jun 22nd 2013 new
laughing
95%? Oh, boo hiss. irked
I'm counting on you to call me out on the 5%, kiddo, because I'm aiming for perfection. wink
Jun 22nd 2013 new
(quote) Monica-291280 said:  

Good points. Sometimes I feel like a lot of CMers spend more time interrogating than socializing.
Jun 22nd 2013 new
You look very young, I would say it would be better to be a friend first - maybe you just have not met the right person yet - you have lots of time - better to be a friend than meet the wrong person - Good luck in your search
Jun 22nd 2013 new
Without reading all of the other posts in detail, here's some common sense advice: a) Once a lady expresses interest in a religious vocation, back off! Same advice for women towards men who are contemplating the religious life. You want to pursue someone who knows NOW that they are interested in marriage. There are many more people interested in marriage than the religious life, and we (and they) need to respect that type of discernment. I strongly don't think that people discerning the religious life should be dating. It's not fair to anyone involved (and no, I have not had personal experience with this, I would never had gone there if the situation arose). b) Ask a lady out for lunch or dinner; go on a date, pay for it, act like a gentleman. Give her no indications that this is "friends only". If she thinks that you are "just friends" when you act like you are on a date, than end it, that's your answer. If she wants to be friends only, and she's accepting your favors, than she's using you, whether she realizes it or not. It's better for you to figure out what's going on quickly, and go on, instead of thinking that the situation is going to improve itself. c) Proper, Catholic ladies do not toy with a man's affections, and these ladies (should) figure out what's going on, unless he is terribly vague. In other words, if she is "so high in her Catholic faith" than she have clarity to what she wants, and be HONEST, with herself and you. Same with you, know what you want. d) Do not put all of your marbles in this Online Dating Thang, go to every Catholic Church Social in your area, and have fun. Heck, my family is from your area, go to every ethnic festival during the summer weekends and have fun!! e) Our knowledge of our Faith is a journey. Many (most) Catholic ladies want the husband to be the spiritual leader. Just because she is not on your level with knowledge of the Faith is perfectly acceptable. I would be more aware of what their values are. On this site, people really over analyze this stuff. If you want to discuss theology and apologetics with a lady, fine, but it's not the basis for a marriage.

The good news is that there are PLENTY of young ladies in your age group on this site, and/or in your area, and that your adult life has just begun! biggrin
Jun 22nd 2013 new
(quote) Andy-896770 said: Felicity, now I'm curious, what is your definition of a "sweet guy" vs. a "confident guy". How am I acting that makes me come across as "sweet" while other guys are "dashing and daring"?
I see some really good advice to you in this thread, Andy.

You have just announced to the forums at large that you are friend-zoned every time you are around women of interest, rather than posing your questions to the readers in a general way. No big damage (because so many people don't even know about these forums), yet if you are going to post so honestly, do this within the confines of the men's only room. That doesn't mean you should be false or hide who you are, but don't be so quick to share this unconfident perspective of yourself.

You could have posed your questions to us in the general forums as something like this: "Many of us would agree that it's good to be friends first before jumping into a relationship. Yet nobody wants to get caught in the Friend Zone. What is your opinion on how to avoid the second area?" This appears more confident and inviting disussion, rather than merely sweet.

I definitely think six months is too long to wait before asking someone out. I'd agree with some who posted that within a month is a MUCH better goal, and if you are considering being 'dashing and daring', long before that!

Dating is merely a good way to get to know someone better with more chances for one-on-one time. If you do not want to lose sight of your super-high standards, you can easily keep dates more light-hearted by planning dates centered around normal group activities in which you already participate. And those activities can still be very values-driven (attend Theology on Tap together, go to a Christian concert, volunteer together, etc.) You are the leader. If a girl is interested in you, she will accept and reveal herself through how she acts to where, when and how you plan the dates.
Jun 22nd 2013 new
hmmm... you all have some really good points. I think I need to find a good singles group in my area. The trouble is that I'm already in so many young adult catholic groups in which I know everybody and there are a lot of couples in these groups. I have yet to find an actual SINGLES only group for my age range. If anyone has any information, I'd really appreciate your input.

And for the record, I do not feel called to the religious life in the slightest. The idea of marriage is just way too awesome.
Jun 22nd 2013 new
(quote) Andy-896770 said: Ok, this is the LAST straw I have been friend-zoned every single time I try asking out a girl in addition to her entering religious discernment. I have never been on a single date in my entire life because of this. Is there anything I can do not to be friend-zoned? Why do all women only see me as a friend? What am I doing wrong?
Brother Andy - I will pray for you. Don't compromise who you are and your values. Keep an open mind and heart also. Know and appreciate whomever God sends your way and not just the ones that you think God should send your way. You will meet a lot of different women all uniquely beautiful and flawed. You have your whole life ahead of you - sometimes I wish I was 22 again... biggrin I understand your frustration. Early 20s is a great time to know more about yourself and the type of woman you want to attract also. Don't be bitter please, don't be jaded.

Get together with an older male friend who is strong in his Christian values so that he can mentor and teach you on how to relate to people of the opposite sex. Don't look up to "players" or those who define themselves by how many gfs they've had, they've slept with or how cool their
car is. Look for an older male mentor who is either in a long term relationship or married so that you will learn from him.

Show that you are confident and you initiate things. Show you have a back bone and not have to agree with every word that comes out of their pretty mouth or say yes to anything they ask you. Make them laugh. Don't treat them like your guy friends - tone down on the fist bumps those kind of things :D. Be patient.Be thoughtful. Pray for them. Show them the things you like to do and find out about the things they like to do - and then initiate a plan to do that with them.

Don't be discouraged, brother Andy. I will pray for you.



Jun 22nd 2013 new
(quote) Andy-896770 said: Ok, this is the LAST straw I have been friend-zoned every single time I try asking out a girl in addition to her entering religious discernment. I have never been on a single date in my entire life because of this. Is there anything I can do not to be friend-zoned? Why do all women only see me as a friend? What am I doing wrong?
Brother Andy - I will pray for you. Don't compromise who you are and your values. Keep an open mind and heart also. Know and appreciate whomever God sends your way and not just the ones that you think God should send your way. You will meet a lot of different women all uniquely beautiful and flawed. You have your whole life ahead of you - sometimes I wish I was 22 again... biggrin I understand your frustration. Early 20s is a great time to know more about yourself and the type of woman you want to attract also. Don't be bitter please, don't be jaded.

Get together with an older male friend who is strong in his Christian values so that he can mentor and teach you on how to relate to people of the opposite sex. Don't look up to "players" or those who define themselves by how many gfs they've had, they've slept with or how cool their
car is. Look for an older male mentor who is either in a long term relationship or married so that you will learn from him.

Show that you are confident and you initiate things. Show you have a back bone and not have to agree with every word that comes out of their pretty mouth or say yes to anything they ask you. Make them laugh. Don't treat them like your guy friends - tone down on the fist bumps those kind of things :D. Be patient.Be thoughtful. Pray for them. Show them the things you like to do and find out about the things they like to do - and then initiate a plan to do that with them.

Don't be discouraged, brother Andy. I will pray for you.



Jun 22nd 2013 new
I think there is an inherent problem in singles groups - if they are successful in that people meet others and become matched, then membership drops. Even if people are only semi-successful and people become temporarily paired, then again, they stop coming for a short time, or they continue to come with their friend and the group becomes a mixture of singles and couples.

Definitely consider branching out to other young adult Catholic groups a bit farther away to meet up with other singles. Or join in on CM meet-ups or Ave Maria singles trip! If you travel at all, throw out a post in the Meet-up room here to see if other guys or gals in the area want to meet up with you for fellowship to dinner, Mass or anything else that seems safe. By expanding your social circle, you (at the very least) make new friends, maybe grow in your faith, as well as possibly meet the one meant for you!
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