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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Jul 8th 2013 new
That is not logical or even possible for many situations.
I looked into the possibility of an annulment years ago, and I was overrwhelmed by the red tape and time involved. IMHO here's how I see it.
a) If you're rich and / or famous (a la a Kennedy or some Prince) and know the right cardinal/archbishop then no problem...
b) if you had a friendly divorce, and were married locally and all the records are there, then maybe ...
otherwise forget it.
I went through an incredibly painful, expensive divorce with full custody of the children (as a result) and with 10 further years of unending litigation due to my vindictive and "never say die" ex. To expect her to cooperate in an Annulment process is laughable. We married overseas in a Hungarian Catholic Church. The attending priest was my uncle who has since passed away. I do not write in the Hungarian language so how do I even obtain records / documents.

To suggest that one should obtain a Annulment before using this site is cruel and unusual punishment.
Jul 8th 2013 new
(quote) Thomas-983415 said: That is not logical or even possible for many situations.
I looked into the possibility of an annulment years ago, and I was overrwhelmed by the red tape and time involved. IMHO here's how I see it.
a) If you're rich and / or famous (a la a Kennedy or some Prince) and know the right cardinal/archbishop then no problem...
b) if you had a friendly divorce, and were married locally and all the records are there, then maybe ...
otherwise forget it.
I went through an incredibly painful, expensive divorce with full custody of the children (as a result) and with 10 further years of unending litigation due to my vindictive and "never say die" ex. To expect her to cooperate in an Annulment process is laughable. We married overseas in a Hungarian Catholic Church. The attending priest was my uncle who has since passed away. I do not write in the Hungarian language so how do I even obtain records / documents.

To suggest that one should obtain a Annulment before using this site is cruel and unusual punishment.
Thomas, CM has specific policies for how the divorced are to use this site.
Those divorced with an annulment are considered single and most are looking for a future partner to marry in the Catholic Church.

Those that are divorced are considered still married.

They are not matched with potential partners in the match system. CM allows them to use the site to form friendships and participate in the forums. Some are here to learn the real facts about annulment.Some to strengthen their Catholic faith and learn more.

The first step for you to take is to talk to someone at the Diocese Tribunal Office. Find out the specifics to your case. Get more facts.

If your ex-wife chooses to not participate in the annulment process than she will have given up her right. Many have sought annulments years after divorcing and are not able to find or provide those that would be helpful in the process.

For my own annulment, I was not asked for any payment. I didn't even know that there are those that are asked for a payment. If you don't have the funds, they won't refuse you.

All I can say is get the facts. All have the same rights to appeal the Tribunal decision. In Kennedy's case, his ex-wife did so. We all have that right.

Here is a good resource about divorce and annulments:
www.catholicmatch.com

God bless




Jul 10th 2013 new
(quote) Michael-556947 said:  as i said earlier it should be harder to marry and easier for a annulment . The process should be equal . the process should be for healing . this is a personal thing .
I may get stoned by the Trad's for saying this . . . but I like what you have said.

It is SO easy to make a really big mistake and SO hard to extricate yourself from it. There are many hurting people who just want to be able to love again, the right way.

Blessings


Jul 13th 2013 new
(quote) Thomas-983415 said: That is not logical or even possible for many situations.
I looked into the possibility of an annulment years ago, and I was overrwhelmed by the red tape and time involved. IMHO here's how I see it.
a) If you're rich and / or famous (a la a Kennedy or some Prince) and know the right cardinal/archbishop then no problem...
b) if you had a friendly divorce, and were married locally and all the records are there, then maybe ...
otherwise forget it.
I went through an incredibly painful, expensive divorce with full custody of the children (as a result) and with 10 further years of unending litigation due to my vindictive and "never say die" ex. To expect her to cooperate in an Annulment process is laughable. We married overseas in a Hungarian Catholic Church. The attending priest was my uncle who has since passed away. I do not write in the Hungarian language so how do I even obtain records / documents.

To suggest that one should obtain a Annulment before using this site is cruel and unusual punishment.
Thomas,
I am sorry you have had such a difficult experience. I live in the Diocese of Buffalo and attended a wonderful weekend here for those seeking annulments. The paperwork from the Tribunal was provided but more importantly it was almost retreat like. The weekend was led by annulment companions - people who had been through the process themselves and also received training in helping others through the process. There were speakers on each requirement and we all left with contact information for someone with whom we had "clicked". Because of their help I was able to put together my account of things
When it came time to get documents things got a little hairy because the parishes involved had been closed. The Tribunal helped me with that.
I hope that perhaps your Diocese might have similar programs or companions to help you as well
The process was a healing experience for me...one I would hate to think circumstance deprived someone of.
OH.....no friendly divorce...I didn't know any bishop ... I never paid anyone off
Aug 28th 2013 new
(quote) Michael-556947 said: The Process ,, History of the Catholic Church what occurred . The changes that were started with Vatican Two pope John the 23 . as i said earlier it should be harder to marry and easier for a annulment . The process should be equal . the process should be for healing . this is a personal thing .
I agree. It needs to be harder to marry, but I also thing the annulment process needs some refinement. In looking at the reasons why you can get an annulment, I have a hard time finding people in my life who were "qualified" to marry in the first place.
Aug 28th 2013 new
(quote) Joanna-615441 said: I may get stoned by the Trad's for saying this . . . but I like what you have said.

It is SO easy to make a really big mistake and SO hard to extricate yourself from it. There are many hurting people who just want to be able to love again, the right way.

Blessings


Joanna,

No stones, but I do not agree with what you suggest. Correct me if I am misinterpreting what you are saying...

I read your comment as proposing that the central purpose of the annulment discernment is to facilitate "healing". If so, I disagree.

The fundamental purpose to my understanding is to discern to the extent humanly possible, whether there is valid marriage between a man and a woman in the Church; period. This does not necessarily always result in complete healing (it's dependent on the parties and how they approach it), but it always facilitates CLARITY of status, to the extent humanly possible. That "yes" married or "no" is the central purpose of the discernment process. Sometimes it's not pretty, especially if the discernment comes back as "yes" married, but there is a huge tidal wave, if not a raging sea of post marriage ill will and pain behind it and the two cannot make the marriage work together. Often, the Church is blamed in such cases, but we really know where the fault usually is, don't we? There could be situations where initially the local tribunal does not get it right, but there is an appeals process for those cases that their ruling is objected.

Personally, and as many will also attest, I needed to rely on the process and I found the annulment discernment process very beneficial because AS clarity was revealed, it was possible to do the repairs and also to heal with confidence and God's forgiveness.

Now, having said that, what you say about having a better means to facilitate healing, I am also all for that, but that is something that could be facilitated (supplemented) perhaps through other means such as follow-up support groups or further Catholic based counseling. If we burden the discernment process with this, I would have concern that the local tribunal could be compromised to favor compassion ABOVE the FULL truth. Kindness and compassion is still required, but it cannot be applied so as to obstruct CLARITY. Often, persons care about their feelings more than the REAL and FULL truth.

As a complete side thought here, I wonder if there are men and women here looking to date under the "divorced" label AND who HAVE gone through the annulment discernment process AND have been discerned as validly married in the Church. I see it totally possible here on CM. I don't fault CM for this, but just the dishonesty of such a member here, if not so spelled out within their profile. I encountered such a person on a different dating site I no longer subscribe to - early this last year. These persons are pariahs and clearly disrespect Christ's teaching looking to pull another into sin with them. How are these persons best identified?
Aug 28th 2013 new
(quote) Michael-556947 said: The Process ,, History of the Catholic Church what occurred . The changes that were started with Vatican Two pope John the 23 . as i said earlier it should be harder to marry and easier for a annulment . The process should be equal . the process should be for healing . this is a personal thing .
Oops!

Joanna, my comments should have been directed to Michael's above, not yours...

And an added comment for Michael:

The requirements or expectations for marriage stay the same from the Church's perspective. More integrated cultural and society's rules are what is making it difficult to properly be prepared and formed for marriage, not the Church.

On the annulment end, it is what it is. It is not the Church that makes the process more difficult or more easy. The definitions for valid marriage have not been revolutionarily different for over 2,000 years. However, it is very much the MAN and the WOMAN involved that complicate (or can simplify) the process or make it unnecessary in the case of a successful marriage.

Let's face it! It is the choices, the actions and the decisions of the man and/or the woman that create each annulment discernment situation absolutely unique. No two are alike, but seem to have similar patterns when compared to others.
Aug 28th 2013 new
I guess Pope Francis has his work cut out for him on this issue and others .
Aug 28th 2013 new
i was married outside the church so the church does not consider me ever being married. i am devorced and in limbo. but you are right? i have learnt allot on this site. i have recomended site to many and it has help in putting things right inside. gods greatest gift at times are our guff ups. i know that there is a reason i am here and if only to get aquented back to the reality of my faith.thankyou
Aug 28th 2013 new
Welcome to the CM forums Pauline!
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