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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Jul 02 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said: The "relocating" topic is listed under "Background" on the CM profile, not under "preferences", along with other topics such as education. CM does not ask, "would you PREFER to have a graduate degree?" No, it asks what is your level of education?
I understand your "good grief" but never imagined that someone who indicates no preference to live near family as someone who has no strong ties or doesn't love their family . My mind just doesn't think that way. I see the person who is willing to relocate as independent (not emotionally needy) and adventurous; willing to take risks.
I am sorry if I offended anyone with the "near family: mine", but as a mom I can't help but see that toddler shouting "mine". I guess you almost have to have kids to understand what I am referring to.
It's not selfish, it's honest. Even though you later stated that you didn't mean it to be offensive, it definitely is. Equating people who want to live near their family to a 2 year old is quite rude. You have absolutely no idea why someone would prefer, yes prefer, to live near their own family. I know that you said it is listed under "background," but it is still a preference. Relocating is where one would like to live. Educational level is what one has obtained, therefore that argument doesn't hold.

Although that isn't the way your mind works, mine doesn't work like yours. I in no way seeing someone preferring to live closer to their family as selfish. You don't know what their reasons are; rather you are choosing to make a rash judgment. Though I did indicate that I would live near family (either), I prefer to live close to my family because I have a mother with serious health problems. But, that doesn't mean that I would be entirely opposed to living somewhere else......which makes my desire to stay close to home a preference, not a set in stone, end all be all. But without someone asking me about it, you are making the assumption that I am selfish, unadventurous, and unwilling to try new things. In fact, I have done all, love to travel, and love being spontaneous. I also love my family.

You don't have to have kids to understand what you are talking about. But I do ask you this, do you view people who answer "prefer my current location" in the same light? We all have our reasons for our preferences. It is up to all of us to determine whether or not we want to get to know that person and ask why their preferences are what they are instead of judging them.
Jul 02 new
(quote) Laura-896845 said: Good grief, the preferences indicate preferences. It's not a detailed, in-depth psychological analysis.

Given that there are situations in which it is totally legitimate and reasonable to want to stay in a given area (several of which others have posted already), I think as Catholics we are called to interpret things in the most charitable light possible until we know more.

Of course, if you want to interpret someone wanting to stay near family as a personality defect or sign of immaturity, remember that it can work both ways. Someone whose profile indicates that they have no preference or prefer to live near family (yours) could be interpreted as someone who has no strong ties to anyone or anything, or as someone who doesn't love their family and has a bad or non-existant relationship with them. Would you like someone to make those assumptions about you, or would you like them to make more positive assumptions until they know your particular situation?

I think a more productive and loving use of this thread would be to aim at understanding why people might choose that option. Just a thought.
Thanks, Laura, I love your opening statement. Always nice to hear a voice of reason. I think you're right, it is important we realize that there could be many reasons for listing this preference (and I believe it is a preference, but that's just my opinion). I don't immediately jump to negative conclusions about why a person wants to stay where they are or live near their family. I have my reasons for wanting to stay where I am, also. In the end, it's my preference, and it's not a hard-set rule. The right woman might just change my mind. Nearly everything in life is negotiable.

It seems to be implied / suggested that seeing this on the profile of a 20-30 year old is somehow a marker that the person is less mature than the same preference indicated by a 50-60 year old who is acting as a caretaker for an elderly parent... But in this assumption, the possibility that the 20-30 year old might be acting as a caretaker is not considered. Why not? My brother and I split the duties of visiting and caring for my grandmother in her final years, and I very nearly moved back to live with my father years ago when he was having some health problems, and if someone wants to judge me for that, that person is not the type of partner I'd be looking for. Similarly, if a woman wants / needs to be near her family for good reason, I would not hold that against her. In short, unless we have asked these people WHY their preference is what they have stated, we have no business making assumptions about their reasons or maturity level with regards to those reasons.

We should think carefully about whether we're viewing people through our own filters and judging them, or if we are truly trying to see them as Christ sees them.
Jul 02 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said: IS it just me or does anyone else think it is rather selfish to respond "near family (mine)" under the RELOCATING section of the profile? It reminds me of children when they are about 2.5 years old and their favorite suddenly becomes "MINE" (in addition to "no"). It appears to me if you respond with "near family (mine)" you are functioning at the emotional level of a 2.5 year old. Just sayin'.


I think the problem is the way the choices are written. The fact that the two choices read "near family (either)" and "near family (mine)" makes the choice of "mine" over "either" seem more selfish. I think something like "I prefer to live close to my family" sounds less selfish than "near family (mine)" next to "either", even though, obviously it is the same thing. Does that make sense? It's not that I feel it is wrong to want to live near your family, because I also would like to live near my family. But it was the phrasing that made me go "huh, did they really put that as a choice?" when I first saw "near family (mine)".










Jul 02 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said: The "relocating" topic is listed under "Background" on the CM profile, not under "preferences", along with other topics such as education. CM does not ask, "would you PREFER to have a graduate degree?" No, it asks what is your level of education?
I understand your "good grief" but never imagined that someone who indicates no preference to live near family as someone who has no strong ties or doesn't love their family . My mind just doesn't think that way. I see the person who is willing to relocate as independent (not emotionally needy) and adventurous; willing to take risks.
I am sorry if I offended anyone with the "near family: mine", but as a mom I can't help but see that toddler shouting "mine". I guess you almost have to have kids to understand what I am referring to.
However, there is nowhere to indicate whether it is a preference or a requirement. This is a problem on other aspects of the profile. Here is a short list:
  1. Tattoos- the options are (by implication) either whole sale rejections of tattoos or a desire to have them. I don't object to some and am not unwilling to get a tattoo of a cross, but none of the options fit this exactly.
  2. Ideal number of kids- while my profile lists the number I think I could manage, I would be open to more; however, the "don't have an ideal" is too wishy-washy for me.
  3. Diet- I dislike the options here, but food is covered under favorite things.
  4. LDR- The 2 maybes and the no its just too difficult together are my opinion on the matter: they are difficult, they are not my style, but I won't be stubborn on the matter

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