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This room is for general discussion that doesn't specifically fit into one of the other CatholicMatch rooms. Topics should not be overly serious as this is to be more of a "cafe setting."

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Jul 11th 2013 new
John, May God Bless you and Show you His will and direction for your life. May you flourish in every way. Amen
Jul 11th 2013 new
(quote) Brian-278516 said: John:

Sorry to see you go but if I could be so bold, would you mind providing some reasons as why you chose not to renew your subscription. As well as anything you think we can do to improve our service in the future. I am genuinely interested in your thoughts because after reviewing your profile and account I was a bit surprised. You have a really strong profile and activity with it. Therefore I would like to find out what contributed to your decision.

I realize that I can never speak on this topic without being called bias or simply want to "grab people's money" as we are accused of from time to time but I will say it anyway. CatholicMatch is a business and we do need to pay our bills, pay our staff, support our families, however doing this as long as I have and not getting married until my late 30's (yes I met her on CM) I can tell you that what we do is personal. I personally know how hard it is to be single and how hard it is to at times feel very alone and feel like God is ignoring you even though you are trying to do things the right way but everyone around you is finding someone. CatholicMatch is just but one solution to the singles/marriage problem in the Church but I think it is an important one. Interestingly enough the more successful we are as a business the more people we have been able to help. While I know there will be naysayers about that statement we know it to be true and I know I can stand before God and say it with a clear conscience.

We want to help get as many Catholics married as possible, we need to help them get married because our Church is suffering due to the lack of marriages and the high amount of bad marriages. We know the best way to do that is to continue to improve our business, grow and get better. I will be sending you an email personally and I look forward to your input.

All my best!


I am sure you realize that the more effective your site is at helping find matches, the more people will recommend it. Conversely, the more people get discouraged due to the inability of the site to help them weed out the people who have no intention of finding a match, the more people will leave this site and not recommend it out of frustration. Therefore you really need to setup some tools to help people who are truly looking find the one they are looking for. I would love to see several changes to the site to make it easier to locate the women who are really looking for a man:
1.- The search definitely needs to be changed. It would be nice if I could search by church, or by diocese. Who knows? There may be several decent women right there in my church or a couple of churches away, who are interested in finding a man, who are on this site, and I am passing them by just because they attend a different mass, or I don't know if they are married or not because I see them with kids.
2.- When a man or a woman shows interest in a potential match and sends an emote or a message, if he or she does not get a reply back, there should be a way to tally that, so that the next men or women can focus on the more accessible matches.
3.- Again, to make it easier for people who are on this site truly to find a match, there should be, perhaps, a questionnaire with the goal of finding out how likely a person is to start seeing another person who is looking.
4.- And, finally, based on the 3 bullets above, one could perform a search and reasonably expect some positive activity back.
Jul 11th 2013 new
I've never posted in the forums before, but I just want to say that I agree ENTIRELY with John. I have recently tried out eHarmony and I *love* their methodology behind matches. Unfortunately, I am also positive that it is much much harder to find fellow Catholics on there than on here - if CM would learn from what eHarmony is doing, and implement the suggestions that I saw being named here, things would be much better and I would be able to more confidently suggest this site to others.

As it is, I am getting entirely frustrated for many of the same reasons as others have given. Have to say, I have only read a few of the responses on here, so I don't know for sure of what all was said. But what I read I agree with completely.

Members who are non-paid members and who can't read messages/emotes should be LISTED AS SUCH. Old members who have had no activity should be REMOVED from search/match algorithms, perhaps after a warning e-mail is sent to them that such a thing will happen if they do not return to actively re-engage the site (just yesterday, yet again, a profile of a man that I KNOW is engaged to be married, to a friend of mine, popped up as a "match" for me... ummm.. no. And I know he has NOT been active on the site for perhaps YEARS now. I will remind him to come back here and take his profile down, but what about the countless others???) To me, it seems that you WANT to have all these profiles up, even if they are totally inactive, just because it falsely makes the site look more attractive to people, "wow, look at all these options!!". And then pretty soon reality hits as you realize that chances are many of the profiles are totally inactive. Cull the herd, CM.

Also, why the heck is it not possible to search by temperament results?? Why can't we search for sanguines or melancholics or whatever combinations thereof?

For that matter, why is it not possible to just flat out SEARCH for key words in profiles, to find others who share unique interests or backgrounds even if they don't happen to match any of our (very limited options) saved searches?
Jul 11th 2013 new
(quote) John-324285 said:

I tried to be brief in my personal story explanation as those seven years alone could be a book or more appropriately a soap opera, lol. I knew 8-12 months in that this was the woman I wanted to marry. However, she was "not ready" her words at that time and wanted to wait till she finished college, so... I waited. Then after graduating (5yrs later) she still was, "not ready" as this time it was financial independence she wanted to attain before committing or settling down. After just over a year of that (she to my knowledge still is not financially independant) I finally bit the bullet and ended it as that was just some of the problems between us, and I was not going to wait forever even if my emotions and love for her wanted to (reason trumped them finally).

I know there is no perfect match, however having dated someone with a very different outlook on the faith than myself I have come to highly value those who share the deposit of faith in its fullness. By this I mean the things that have sort of been passed over in the last 60-80 years. Things like, no salvation outside the Church, period, no arguing it, it is anathema and if you want to believe otherwise than you can disagree with the Church, but not me. She did not think that was true, and I won't have my children raised by two Catholics who don't even agree to the same dogma, even if they are 7/7. Why? Because my #1 priority and the thing I will be held accountable to a high degree when I die is how or what I did to instruct the souls God entrusted to me (children) in the faith. There should not be conflict in this or mixed messages to the children. This is not a choice about me, it is doing what is best for their souls, that is why I have high standards. Not because I can't handle conflict, or disagreement, but because of what that could or would do to potential children. Another thing was the form of the mass, she wanted to go to life teen masses (which I highly dislike and find it very hard to meditate on the mass and lift up my soul in, but went to anyway to support her in how she practiced the faith) and I prefer the extraordinary form. When it came to what we would do with kids she wanted to split the difference and let them go to both. This sort of goes into or can go into a huge debate between the two "sides", so I'm stopping here and pray that it will be resolved sometime during my life.

I hear you about the lifeteen masses. I am not that comfortable with charismatic masses myself. While that relationship seems to have not worked out for a number of reasons for you, the point I'd like to make is that every relationship has two sides (or more) to everything. It may be insignificant like which flavor of ice cream you buy at the grocery store this month because you can't afford to buy every flavor to please every family member, or something more significant like whose family to spend Christmas with, especially if you are from different hometowns and both sets of parents are still living. Marriage requires some level of self-sacrifice, giving, compromising and not getting your way all of the time.

I'm not second-guessing you, but I would like to share my experience. I was raised in a very Catholic household, post-Vatican II. Some of my mother's prayer books had Latin prayers in them, but we attended Novus Ordo masses as a family. As a teenager, I attended Catholic school, where the school masses were basically lifeteen. As an adult, I have attended non-charismatic Novus Ordo masses almost exclusively, but did attend a number of charismatic masses with relatives who attended a charismatic parish. I did not experience a crisis of conscience, dogmatic angst or any type of schism because of my exposure to charismatic masses, even as a teenager. I don't really care for that type of worship very much, but I did not lose my soul or get "confused" about how to pray as a Catholic. For that matter, my parents didn't stop being Catholic when the Novus Ordo mass was introduced either.

However, I can give long lists of people whose parents did their best to raise their children Catholic, enrolled them in Catholic school, made sure they attended mass, taught them their prayers, and were good examples of faithful Catholics, yet their children left the Church when they grew up. A parent can only do so much to instruct and take care of the souls entrusted to them. Children eventually become adults and choose their own paths.

I've said something along the lines of this before, and I always mean it with the best of intentions. If you go out and meet people and you find out some of them are atheists or wiccans or hedonists, then a Catholic who waves their hands in the air at mass doesn't look so bad.

Wishing you peace and goodwill. Dove


Jul 18th 2013 new
I actually took comfort in John's words. I have been on this site for just a short time but it has been frustrating. The number of no responses to any nod that I sent something is about 25 to 1. To anyone who takes that quick minute to at least tell any fellow CM person you are not interested a big THANK YOU from those of us who wonder if the cable is cut. I also have experienced recycling.
Good luck John.
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