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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Jul 11th 2013 new
(quote) Jim-13836 said: Makes perfect sense to me. I think you strongest marriages come from first starting out as friends.
I think so too. The best relationships that I had started out as friends first.
Jul 11th 2013 new
Hmmm, good question. I'm going to say that I disagree. I have generally grown more attracted to someone the more I have gotten to know them....and also had the reverse happen. An initial attraction was waylaid by my getting to know them, lol!

But friendships surpasses an initial attraction. I think to call someone a friend is to say that you have invited them into your life and made a place for them.

In Christ,
Jul 11th 2013 new

So many different definitions of ""Friends """"...Duh,,of course people need to be friends to continue on a Sweetheart path..But,,IMO,,,it can't be chronicled into steps or catagories..Emotions just don't work like that....If it did there would be one book of relationships and everyone would own it and we'd be robots.....

There is love at first sight,,,love at second sight,,,and no love at no sight......and no love at sight..

When I see a profile that says ""Friends first "" I move on and very fast.......And I've read and seen shows that state the same......extreme caution alert,,,extreme caution alert !!!!!! ...Extreme Caution Alert..!!!!!

Maybe if you classify it as Sweetheart friends....Going step by step by step is OK for analytical things,,,but sometimes we need to jump 3 or 4 steps at a time and be vulnerable....

I'm old I guess...I was never just friends first with my wife,,,we would have never made it....We,,well,,,,, I just get in trouble here......Don't you want a Sweetheart love like we see in fairey books or on the Hallmark Chanel...???? .It takes a decision to want to find and pursue love and a Sweetheart,,,,The decision to LOVE.....Have you looked into your inner Spirit and are you prepared to make a decision to LOVE....
$2 please for supplies used in this commentary..
Jul 11th 2013 new

interesting post. I can sense how much you loved your wife. What was her name if I may ask? I don't know if you could share and maybe teach us younger generations how you courted her. I would be very much interested either here or through a private message if you allow it. I totally agree with you about the friend's stuff. Too many women want that, and for me it's more of an extra tire, in case you have a flat tire. That's the worst thing a woman can say to a guy. Better just say we are not compatible. The question is how much should a guy talk with a woman before going steady and beyond. How did it develop between you two?

As you said, I think the friendship develops while one pursues her not before. There must always be this great desire for something more, even on the side of the woman.

Man Kenny, I so wish you remarry soon, you have real spirit!
Jul 11th 2013 new
Leyden, that is how I view it as well, and you are remarkably mature in regards to how it works, for you are thinking long term, and the whole, one falls in love with the others' mind, and heart.

I spent some time in Chico Ca., it's a college town, and the number of gals that were just so obsessed with their looks, and only their looks, completely ignoring any other aspect of their being, staggering. The things I observed, real eye openers, seeing some pretty young gal with her friends, and thinking, God has done some amazing work in his creation, only to hear too often, just shallow talk, to out right trash coming out of their mouths. What ever they had going for them, completely lost and that outwards beauty included, not at all impressed with what so ever. Needless to say, that time spent there, seeing past the veneer in the equivelent of super model land, I don't look at a magazine cover or when I'm out and about, the same way at all. I think, these are the same type of gals I observed in Chico, and chances are high, I'm spot on with the assessment.

Moving on with the friendship, I like the comment stating, some men are wanting their spouse to be their best friend, that is spot on, but it should be all men and women are wanting their spouse to be their best friend. The closest you will ever be to another human being is your spouse, and being best friends means having empathy and support for their inner being, strengthening it, giving security, a safe place to be with you, and the world itself may be against both of you, at least in your's, you two are always in good company.

I see too many couples that are so distant from each other, they are just two people residing under the same roof, different agenda's, different lives, different everything and often, they are in conflict with each other. Our society always has us pressing forward with the diluted image that each individual must have this power job and separate lives in order to make it in today's society, that's a formula for disaster for the relationship. Back when things were normal, and more simple, the couple had a family business they would work together upon, typically farms, but it was the whole working together for that common goal, one had their responsibilities, the other had their own, and they came together seamlessly. The collective of it all worked for millenia, and through hardships and successes, they grew closer to each other because they had to trust and rely upon each other daily.

This is where, in our modern scene, couples complain that they are lonely, if they really look to their relationship, they are lonely because they aren't living as a couple in the first place. Do you share your worries and insecurities with your spouse, or is it just something you keep to yourself? Do you find yourself having to overcome obstacles by yourself, or are you getting the proper support from your spouse to overcome them? Are you working to help your spouse in their own, or is it just a free for all and let them figure it out for themselves? Sure, it's great for growth to make your own mistakes, but do you want your spouse to stumble, just to prove your point? Is this what friends do? Is this what best friends do? That's the key here, and sure the whole romance aspect is fine, but make sure there is some substance behind it.

I heard from someone a while back, from an elderly person, married for years, that the looks may fade, and you are left ultimately with each others' mind, and this is really what you end up falling in love with, in the first place. I always urge people, especially young people that are single, to grow in the richness and diversity of their interests, to gain some substance while they have time to do so, in their single status, to bring into the relationship something of value, that these times are for preparing for a long term commitment, and what you bring into it should not be merely and only on the surface.

Jul 11th 2013 new
(quote) Carlos-977696 said: Man Kenny, I so wish you remarry soon, you have real spirit!

You are in the minority my friend Carlos.......When I met my wife due to job restraints we could only talk on the phone for 2 weeks before we ever met......We talked for a million hours and we Laughed and we laughed,,and we laughed,,and We Laughed,,,and We laughed....

and then We Laughed even more.........And we talked,,communicated.....And we talked,,communicated....And we talked,,communicated....And we talked,,communicated...And we talked,,communicated..........................And we talked,,communicated

We knew we would be married before we even met and even had the month picked out....

She showed her vulnerability ,,and I showed mine...we ALL have it,,but we shield it by stating how great we are....I ,,..We did just the oppossite,,she was just as humble and lost as I was.....

Our first """live""", meeting we went deep Sea fishing on a boat with about 80 other people..The seas were rough and I threw up my guts...She was there to comfort me....

There are so so so many secrets Carlos,,and what works for me may not work for you or others...
One night we were watching an episode of a television show called Dynasty....The husband and wife were filthy rich,,but loved each other very much.....
On this episode,,the husband went into the FLORIST and bought every plant and all the flowers ALL ALL that were in the store and had them delivered to his wife.....

Well I wasn't rich,,,but the next day I went to the local Florist and arranged for every hour for a dozen Roses and 2 Dozen Carnations to be delivered to my then Sweetheart,,we were not married then....this happened every hour for 6 hours....Her heart was glowing and so was mine....

When you are in love,,,emotions just take over...You sing in the rain,,,,you feel like a 10 year old kid again...Being vulnerable and transparent with our emotions ((good and bad )) was a key for us..

$5 for the advice.....$3 for supplies please...
Jul 11th 2013 new
I agree with Keith... it could also be due to lack of compatibility in other areas, not just feeling attraction. You might get along well with someone fairly well when you are at work, or out with a group of friends, but you may not enjoy being around them by yourself for very long , for whatever reason. Kinda like if you chat with someone a lot at work about work issues, and the people you work with, but then outside of work, there are no common interests to share or talk about.
Jul 11th 2013 new
I agree -All things take time friendship should come first.Don't jump out of the fryingpan into the fire.
Jul 11th 2013 new
Kenny. I totally see your point. This is a dating site and i am here to date. My opinion is that if you choose to be friends or friends first, be super clear about that in your profile. I have been very hurt in the past, but i will not let that prevent me from making myself vulnerable again. I know exactly what i want and i will keep trying until i get it.
Jul 11th 2013 new
By the way, i am talking about a friendship w/o sexual attraction.
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