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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jul 13th 2013 new
(quote) Amanda-692129 said:
I guess I am just frustrated. Here I felt like I found a guy that was 'the one' only to realize he was not or that it is a harder road than I thought with him. I guarded my heart and still dating and guys are hard for me to understand. This just kills me inside. I am trying to give this to the Lord... my heart is very broken, so I ask for kindness in your responses.

I guess I would love to know how I keep messing up. Why I am the one always so hurt... I am a good person and people love me (been told that), but with guys I just can't seem to get it right. I wish guys would share their feelings and not just disappear...

Thanks for listening
Several people have commented on his assumed lack of annulment as the problem. I don't think that had anything to do with it (based on what you have shared). It is my experience that when a man is interested after an initial meeting, you will know. They won't act like he did. Now, I could be wrong, I wish/hope I am!

I totally concur with your last remark about guys sharing their feelings. It sure would make moving on a lot easier.

hug Praying
Cat
Jul 13th 2013 new
(quote) Cat-163322 said: Several people have commented on his assumed lack of annulment as the problem. I don't think that had anything to do with it (based on what you have shared). It is my experience that when a man is interested after an initial meeting, you will know. They won't act like he did. Now, I could be wrong, I wish/hope I am!

I totally concur with your last remark about guys sharing their feelings. It sure would make moving on a lot easier.


Cat
I think you are on to something Cat. That is my reading as well and also it fits with similar experiences I have witnessed over time.

While not an excuse some people simply don't have the courage to be straight with someone when they shortly after meeting in person that they don't have the same feelings as they had developed via other communication.
Jul 13th 2013 new
Please don't get me going on annulment and Vatican Two . its time for change and Pope Francis is leading the way. however lot of other issues come into play .One should make sure of all life decisions . PS to all you ultra Conservatives what goes around comes around . Thank you Pope John 23 for your continue intersession .
Jul 13th 2013 new
Amanda, It doesn't get easier. It's frustrating to say the least. Even at my age, men still are lacking relationship traits that would prove beneficial in many respects. It seems to me that if an individual lacks good parents and a good family life he or she has difficulty with others. However, there are those who were able to rise above what they were cheated of and, I have only the highest praise for them.
Jul 13th 2013 new
The only game that you should play is the waiting game... and its very hard to do NOTHING when you want something to happen. If he is interested, he will contact you and you can then send a response back that matches his in length and tone. But other kinds of mind games... no.
My 2 cents, for what they are worth Good luck
Jul 13th 2013 new
(quote) Monica-291280 said: The only game that you should play is the waiting game... and its very hard to do NOTHING when you want something to happen. If he is interested, he will contact you and you can then send a response back that matches his in length and tone. But other kinds of mind games... no.
My 2 cents, for what they are worth Good luck
As a guy, I agree with Monica. Wait till he contact you and go from there. Don't write him anymore. Its his turn.
Jul 13th 2013 new
(quote) Michael-556947 said: Please don't get me going on annulment and Vatican Two . its time for change and Pope Francis is leading the way. however lot of other issues come into play .One should make sure of all life decisions . PS to all you ultra Conservatives what goes around comes around . Thank you Pope John 23 for your continue intersession .
Wait a minute. WHAT?



What on earth does Pope Francis have to do with this thread? Where did HE come from?

What did the "ultra conservatives" do to get thrown under the bus here, Michael?


What are you talking about?


Jul 13th 2013 new
(quote) Cat-163322 said: Several people have commented on his assumed lack of annulment as the problem. I don't think that had anything to do with it (based on what you have shared). It is my experience that when a man is interested after an initial meeting, you will know. They won't act like he did. Now, I could be wrong, I wish/hope I am!

I totally concur with your last remark about guys sharing their feelings. It sure would make moving on a lot easier.


Cat
You are right Cat. Believe it or not...annulments may not be the issue why someone acts the way they do. The face to face holds the reason why he is acting the way he is. No game playing, just communicate your concerns.
Jul 13th 2013 new
(quote) Monica-291280 said: The only game that you should play is the waiting game... and its very hard to do NOTHING when you want something to happen. If he is interested, he will contact you and you can then send a response back that matches his in length and tone. But other kinds of mind games... no.
My 2 cents, for what they are worth Good luck
I agree with Monica. Basically, if we ladies want men to initiate things, to be men of action, we must fascilitate that. This means at times WAITING (hey, we ask them to do that so it is only fair that we do some of it.), being a responder, and maintaining balance emotionally.

Amanda mentioned guarding her heart. I've learned quite a bit about this over the years. There are some rules I follow for myself that just apply to getting to know men online.
1. It's not a relationship until we meet, and even then it might not happen.
2. Words are wonderful things, but actions mean more.
3. I am not exclusively dating someone until we both speak of this. This means I can talk to, get to know, go on dates with more than one man. I expect he may be doing the same until we talk of exclusivity.
4. I maintain a proper level of intimacy (intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual) that is in accord with the reality of the status of our relationship.
5. Men and women are wired differently when it comes to communication, pacing, and processing things. Keep in mind being compassionate and giving the benefit of the doubt to each other. There will be missteps.
Jul 13th 2013 new

Hi Amanda,

This is my 2 cents. NEVER, ever visit a guy the first few times. It is his responsibility to visit you. (And sometimes visiting him could be dangerous.) However, I dont think it is a problem if you initiate contact with a guy. (Many girls don't do this - but I think it is a mistake not to contact a guy you are genuinely interested in.) However, once your relationship starts, he needs to lead from there.

As an aside, I would generally recommend that you ensure the guy has the means to visit you on regular basis. E.g. if the guy seems like he can only visit you once a year, I dont think you can have a relationship. Sometimes this is an indication that he is not serious.

I think this is a problem with both girls and guys on CM: Once they have to meet or get serious about a relationship, thats when it ends. This may not be true for other age groups - but I have observed it with mine (and yours, since we are the same.) I think these people are just looking for a "pen-pal" - but they dont want to get serious.

I have had the confidence of a few girls - who asked me advice about their relationship with other guys. From this I could see how the relationship progresses. Once it comes for the time to meet, or just after the first meeting is over, thats when the relationship ends. The same is true of my relationships with other girls. I force a girl to meet me as soon as possible - otherwise I dont continue the correspondence. This is because I need to weed out the ones who are not serious.

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