(quote) Patrick-341178 said: That's a tough one. I would love to say that if a woman has a kid or kids it had no affect on my interest in her. Although I try to keep an open mind, I would be lying if I said I don't care at all if a woman currently kids or not. I think the first part that is difficult, especially if the child is under 10 years, how much time would she really have for a relationship? Her kid or kids is definitely going to be her priority, so that is an extra challenge to deal with. Second, how is the kid or kids going to like me? If everything worked out, I would be that kid or kids stepdad someday so that is a lot of extra responsibility.
But I think what is toughest is if the kid or kids dad is actively involved in the children's lives. That would mean you would have to deal with this other guy forever. It is ironic situation where I think it would be easier to date a single mom where there is a deadbeat dad.
On this site, I have communicated with several single moms over the years, as I understand life happens, and it would be very close minded of me to rule them out completely. Having said that, given all that is required to make a relationship work, I would have to say, right or wrong, fair or not, that yes, multiple kids likely would scare a lot men away.
These are valid concerns. I spend a ton of time with my kids and they are my top priority. Any potential Sweetie candidates would also be trying out for the position of stepdad. However, my children know they will not choose my future spouse, nor do they get a vote. I have noticed that my children and I tend to like the same characteristics in people, which has the happy consequence that we enjoy each other's friends. I'll get back to you on this as my kids get closer to the teen years.
I respectfully disagree on the perceived difficulty of an involved dad. In my case, their dad is a) sober and b) much healthier than he was during the marriage. We co-parent these kids and they love both of us. We are modeling a healthy divorced relationship to the best of our ability. There is plenty of room for them to love other adults, as evidenced by their growing relationship with their soon-to-be stepmom. I haven't been displaced- the relationship is qualitatively different from the one they have with me. Now, I did have to take a deep breath, push my ego and insecurity aside, and encourage their relationship with her. It wasn't easy, but I did it, and I think the whole dynamic is better as a result.
Love isn't limited. I still see that my kids have plenty of room to develop a relationship with a man of my choosing and any children he may have. I also recognize that the days are long and the years are short; if I parent correctly, my future husband will be my loving companion much longer than my children.