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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Aug 4th 2013 new
ok...so my youngest turned 20 four weeks ago and I am still single


..............smiling widely..............doesn't it follow that I am a perfect catch
..........running to hide from eggs being thrown
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Aug 4th 2013 new
That's a tough one. I would love to say that if a woman has a kid or kids it had no affect on my interest in her. Although I try to keep an open mind, I would be lying if I said I don't care at all if a woman currently kids or not. I think the first part that is difficult, especially if the child is under 10 years, how much time would she really have for a relationship? Her kid or kids is definitely going to be her priority, so that is an extra challenge to deal with. Second, how is the kid or kids going to like me? If everything worked out, I would be that kid or kids stepdad someday so that is a lot of extra responsibility.

But I think what is toughest is if the kid or kids dad is actively involved in the children's lives. That would mean you would have to deal with this other guy forever. It is ironic situation where I think it would be easier to date a single mom where there is a deadbeat dad.

On this site, I have communicated with several single moms over the years, as I understand life happens, and it would be very close minded of me to rule them out completely. Having said that, given all that is required to make a relationship work, I would have to say, right or wrong, fair or not, that yes, multiple kids likely would scare a lot men away.

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Aug 5th 2013 new
(quote) Patrick-341178 said: That's a tough one. I would love to say that if a woman has a kid or kids it had no affect on my interest in her. Although I try to keep an open mind, I would be lying if I said I don't care at all if a woman currently kids or not. I think the first part that is difficult, especially if the child is under 10 years, how much time would she really have for a relationship? Her kid or kids is definitely going to be her priority, so that is an extra challenge to deal with. Second, how is the kid or kids going to like me? If everything worked out, I would be that kid or kids stepdad someday so that is a lot of extra responsibility.

But I think what is toughest is if the kid or kids dad is actively involved in the children's lives. That would mean you would have to deal with this other guy forever. It is ironic situation where I think it would be easier to date a single mom where there is a deadbeat dad.

On this site, I have communicated with several single moms over the years, as I understand life happens, and it would be very close minded of me to rule them out completely. Having said that, given all that is required to make a relationship work, I would have to say, right or wrong, fair or not, that yes, multiple kids likely would scare a lot men away.

Yeah, well being a single mom with kids who have a deadbeat dad has been pretty hard. I understand what you are saying though and many times feel blessed that my kids don't have to worry about any tension between the "parents". As my son said to me, "with Dad you know where he stands, NOWHERE".

Look at former AZ Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner....he married a single mom of two kids, one who was brain damaged as a result of being dropped by his father. Now he is a REAL HERO; don't be timid.
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Aug 5th 2013 new
(quote) Patrick-341178 said: That's a tough one. I would love to say that if a woman has a kid or kids it had no affect on my interest in her. Although I try to keep an open mind, I would be lying if I said I don't care at all if a woman currently kids or not. I think the first part that is difficult, especially if the child is under 10 years, how much time would she really have for a relationship? Her kid or kids is definitely going to be her priority, so that is an extra challenge to deal with. Second, how is the kid or kids going to like me? If everything worked out, I would be that kid or kids stepdad someday so that is a lot of extra responsibility.

But I think what is toughest is if the kid or kids dad is actively involved in the children's lives. That would mean you would have to deal with this other guy forever. It is ironic situation where I think it would be easier to date a single mom where there is a deadbeat dad.

On this site, I have communicated with several single moms over the years, as I understand life happens, and it would be very close minded of me to rule them out completely. Having said that, given all that is required to make a relationship work, I would have to say, right or wrong, fair or not, that yes, multiple kids likely would scare a lot men away.

And to your last statement....these scaredy cat men need to stop running.
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Aug 5th 2013 new
(quote) Patrick-341178 said: That's a tough one. I would love to say that if a woman has a kid or kids it had no affect on my interest in her. Although I try to keep an open mind, I would be lying if I said I don't care at all if a woman currently kids or not. I think the first part that is difficult, especially if the child is under 10 years, how much time would she really have for a relationship? Her kid or kids is definitely going to be her priority, so that is an extra challenge to deal with. Second, how is the kid or kids going to like me? If everything worked out, I would be that kid or kids stepdad someday so that is a lot of extra responsibility.

But I think what is toughest is if the kid or kids dad is actively involved in the children's lives. That would mean you would have to deal with this other guy forever. It is ironic situation where I think it would be easier to date a single mom where there is a deadbeat dad.

On this site, I have communicated with several single moms over the years, as I understand life happens, and it would be very close minded of me to rule them out completely. Having said that, given all that is required to make a relationship work, I would have to say, right or wrong, fair or not, that yes, multiple kids likely would scare a lot men away.

These are valid concerns. I spend a ton of time with my kids and they are my top priority. Any potential Sweetie candidates would also be trying out for the position of stepdad. However, my children know they will not choose my future spouse, nor do they get a vote. I have noticed that my children and I tend to like the same characteristics in people, which has the happy consequence that we enjoy each other's friends. I'll get back to you on this as my kids get closer to the teen years.

I respectfully disagree on the perceived difficulty of an involved dad. In my case, their dad is a) sober and b) much healthier than he was during the marriage. We co-parent these kids and they love both of us. We are modeling a healthy divorced relationship to the best of our ability. There is plenty of room for them to love other adults, as evidenced by their growing relationship with their soon-to-be stepmom. I haven't been displaced- the relationship is qualitatively different from the one they have with me. Now, I did have to take a deep breath, push my ego and insecurity aside, and encourage their relationship with her. It wasn't easy, but I did it, and I think the whole dynamic is better as a result.

Love isn't limited. I still see that my kids have plenty of room to develop a relationship with a man of my choosing and any children he may have. I also recognize that the days are long and the years are short; if I parent correctly, my future husband will be my loving companion much longer than my children.
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Aug 10th 2013 new
From my experience yesterday, I'm afraid multiple kids do scare off men!
Yesterday I was at an amusement park with my daughters. I was waiting at the stairs for my kids to catch up after the slide and go up again, when 2 good-looking men in my age range were walking back down the up stairs and I started flirting/teasing that they were too scared to ride down and they were teasing back that I was 'screaming like a girl' as I came down, etc, etc, and getting along really well in friendly conversation (no wedding rings in sight, no wives or kids in tow, I'd seen them around a bit from afar as I was in the hot tub and lines), when suddenly my 4 daughters came down the slide and ran up to me all "Mommy, wasn't that fun! Let's go again!" and the guys kind of faded away. Oh well.
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Aug 17th 2013 new
I have one good Catholic daughter who needs brothers and sisters. My Mom's family has 12 and everything is still going great. How many more would you like to have. Apparently you have read Genesis 2 and know that the Sacrament of Matrimony brings us within the full communion with good. What do you believe?
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Aug 19th 2013 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said: Yeah, well being a single mom with kids who have a deadbeat dad has been pretty hard. I understand what you are saying though and many times feel blessed that my kids don't have to worry about any tension between the "parents". As my son said to me, "with Dad you know where he stands, NOWHERE".

Look at former AZ Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner....he married a single mom of two kids, one who was brain damaged as a result of being dropped by his father. Now he is a REAL HERO; don't be timid.
I completely agree with you as my ex cannot be very iy.nvolved with my children as he is addicted to child pornography. He has supervised visits. I enjoy and cherish every moment I have with them and don't mind having alot less me time. It's made me a stronger person. But really, what is the big deal about a woman who comes with children? what is it that scares men away? I am a good mother, my children are sweet and well behaved......I am a great person to hang around......God could be calling you to be a positive male role model to children who need to see one.
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Aug 19th 2013 new
(quote) John-879088 said: I have one good Catholic daughter who needs brothers and sisters. My Mom's family has 12 and everything is still going great. How many more would you like to have. Apparently you have read Genesis 2 and know that the Sacrament of Matrimony brings us within the full communion with good. What do you believe?
John......where are the men like you? My great grandfather and great grandmother who were both widowers with 8 and 9 children each respectively. They raised the 17 children together in one happy home...and it didn't kill anyone either. There was one point in time that many children were considered a blessing.
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Aug 19th 2013 new
Large family's are great!! If I get the opportunity marrying someone with lots of children wouldn't bother me in the least.
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