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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Shaking out of the funk?

Jul 15th 2013 new
Any suggestions for shaking off the bad days? It has been a few months since the official divorce, and this week has just been hard. I know towards the end of marriage and even presently my ex treats me without kindness, not that I have returned in kindness towards him, but I just miss our marriage this week. I'm trying my best to just not respond to his anger and trying to pray for peace, but I keep wishing it wouldn't have ended. The chance of us getting back together is an impossibility, so this isn't a romantic fantasy of what if. I know it's over and have begun the annulment paperwork, hoping it helps with closure. So anyone have any ways they get out of a funk?
Jul 15th 2013 new
Look for a Bethany group or a singles group at your Parish. Check with your diocese to see what is available. Sign up for a Beginning Experience weekend! Find a project to volunteer! Check anything that gets you out, among people, doing something good. I guarantee you will lose the funk! Check at a local Nursing home. Ask for the activities Director to show you what you can do with someone. There are people ho simply need a friend to visit for 30 minutes 3 or 4 times a week.
Jul 15th 2013 new
You are mourning the loss of what you thought your marriage should have been. I went through the same thing. Going through the annulment process helped me heal. It is okay to have funky days. As Christine said, get involved in something that interests you and will keep you busy.
Jul 16th 2013 new
Oh, I remember those days. I missed my dreams, and what I thought "our" dreams were, in the marriage. Then reality would give me a jolt, and I would remember that we didn't have mutual dreams, and the sorrow would start all over. Its a tough spot to be in, but necessary to move towards healing and wholeness. Stay in touch with yourself, and it does get better.
Jul 16th 2013 new
Thanks! I am busy, in fact very busy. I started school because I need to able to support myself, and I am in the process of moving. Maybe all the changes are the reason I'm feeling so out of touch, because like mentioned, this wasn't part of "our" plan, even if "ours" doesn't exist anymore. I wish there was a way to heal more easily, but there just isn't. My daughters grandmother is also coming to visit in the next few weeks, and I am very happy to see her, but it still makes me anxious because the family dynamic has changed. Thanks for all the suggestions, it helps just knowing this is a normal part of healing.
Jul 17th 2013 new
Take it one day at a time. Let yourself feel how you really feel and don't stuff it. It is sometimes one step forward and three steps back but eventually it turns around. Praying for you.
Jul 17th 2013 new
Good luck and God bless.
You have set some goals for yourself, and you are working on them. That's all good, but you have to have some sunshine too. Be nice to yourself and sit down with a cup of tea and a cookie now and then, or stop cleaning for a minute, and take your child to the park....
Jul 17th 2013 new
I agree with Dana. It's okay and part of the process to go through a range of emotions including mourning the loss of what could have been. Don't be afraid to take your strong feelings right to God, He already knows anyway. Don't be in a big fire hurry to move past all of this, it will only sneak up on you later. Feel it now, cry now, talk therapy now and you will find that time does heal. The best way to deal with your ex is to pray for him, I mean really pray blessings and good things for him. It may be hard, but it will bring you to a peaceful place much quicker. I remember the first time I prayed for my ex. The best I could do was "God, bless the son of a )*&^%!" God knew that was the best I could do at that moment, but He took it and it eventually became a heartfelt prayer. There are abundant graces that come with doing this.

Blessings and good luck.
Jul 18th 2013 new
There is a lot of good advice given here. Eventually, for your soul, you will have to forgive your ex, and not just in your head, but truly in your heart. I think that is part of what Joanna is nearly getting to when she says that praying for your ex will bring you peace. Pray that you can forgive him, and that he will forgive you.

What you project comes back to you. If you project bitterness and hate, that is what comes back to you. If you project love and forgiveness, that will come back ten fold.

Pray for him, and pray that you can truly forgive him, and also that he will forgive you.

Peace be with you,
Scott
Jul 18th 2013 new
Ashley, In every way, do this, especially when it seems extra hard: "Always have a smile on your lips and a song of love in your heart for your Lord and Savior because this life is but a passing second compared to the eternity of happiness that awaits those who live the words: THY WILL BE DONE!" I found it hard to even read at first, then I realized that it contains all that really matters, then I decided to repeat reading it until I memorized it. After that, whenever a discouraging thought would come to mind, I resolved to say this to myself. Having memorized it, I didn't have to search very far. Soon, I began to really believe it AND practice it. And after actually living it out for three weeks, guess what began to happen? I began to see results like never before.
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