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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Jul 21st 2013 new
(quote) Ashley-954445 said: Thanks! I am busy, in fact very busy. I started school because I need to able to support myself, and I am in the process of moving. Maybe all the changes are the reason I'm feeling so out of touch, because like mentioned, this wasn't part of "our" plan, even if "ours" doesn't exist anymore. I wish there was a way to heal more easily, but there just isn't. My daughters grandmother is also coming to visit in the next few weeks, and I am very happy to see her, but it still makes me anxious because the family dynamic has changed. Thanks for all the suggestions, it helps just knowing this is a normal part of healing.
Something I have learned about dealing with former in-laws and your child's "other family" is that it doesn't have to be hard. If you think about it, the family dynamic has only changed a little. She is still your daughter's grandmother and you are still the mother of that child. I have a very good relationship with my former in-laws. They have been great allies to me on financial matters and I greatly appreciate it.

I have incredible relationships with my son's aunts, uncles and cousins, to the extent that I probably talk to some of them and see them more than my ex does. The thing that has helped me with these relationships is that my ex's name never gets mentioned. The only questions I have answered is does he see his son because at the beginning he didn't. I will also talk about the visitation schedule because it relates to planning get togethers. That's it. I check my anger and frustrations at the door because they have no place in my relationship with the rest of his family. I understand that this is odd, but it works for me and makes for a good example for my son as he grows up.

We all have those days where we want to strangle our ex (even married people have those days), but I keep telling myself to be the bigger person and show my son how to treat others. It is hard to not respond in anger, but IMO, my ex is usually trying to pick a fight. If I don't show emotion when talking to him, he can't win. If he is rude, angry or inappropriate, I just politely walk away. (and document it for a future custody case) My son is 5 and he sees this. I could not believe during one of our exchanges when we got in the car, my son told me, "papa was rude". His dad didn't say good-bye because he was mad at me. Be the bigger person. It is not easy, but in the long run, you will be a much happier person.

Right now I'm redefining my dreams. In the last week, I realized that I have lost not only "our" dreams, but MY DREAMS. While every mother helps their children achieve their dreams, I believe the best way to help them is to show them how to set goals and dreams and follow them. I started a thread about what is on your bucket list as part of putting my dreams in writing. I want to set foot on every continent of the world. I want to participate in a triathlon. I want to be happy.
Jul 21st 2013 new
The advice that the others have already given is very collectively sound. I am glad to see that you have begun the annulment paperwork, too! I waited 15 years after separation to divorce my children's father and another 20 on top of that to begin the annulment process! Hindsight being what it can be...I wish I had done both together and many years earlier. The annulment paperwork/process is somewhat adversarial and has a way, in my case, of picking at the scab of a wound that has already healed! God bless you and give you strength as you go through this difficult time.
Jul 22nd 2013 new
Very true, forgiveness is the key to no more funk!
Jul 23rd 2013 new
I think it is wonderful that your daughter's grandmother is coming there. Such courage and love from both of you. Anxiety is natural.
You have received so much sound advice already.
Like Kate, I continue to have relationships with some of my former in-laws. We had been close for 21 years and made agreements to never discuss my ex or anything about the relationship. This allows us to provide intact relationships with extended family to the children and not put them in a position where they have to chose between my ex and myself.
We have been careful not to set up situations that would make my ex feel like we were closer to each other than they were to him. He needs his family as much as I need mine. I have been unwilling to undermine those relationships for him.
Praying for him has helped. There was a time when his continued inappropriate conduct made it very difficult for me to pray for him. I would say God Bless ___ and offer a Hail Mary or Our Father. I also asked my catholic friends to pray for him in my stead.
Praying hug
Jul 23rd 2013 new
About a year after my divorce I attended a Beginning Experience weekend. It was very healing very spiritual and left me a wonderful frame of mind. I liked it so much I became a facilitator. Highly recommend it.
Jul 23rd 2013 new
(quote) John-559440 said: About a year after my divorce I attended a Beginning Experience weekend. It was very healing very spiritual and left me a wonderful frame of mind. I liked it so much I became a facilitator. Highly recommend it.
clap clap clap for Beginning Experience!
Jul 24th 2013 new
(quote) Lina-796057 said: for Beginning Experience!
Where are those clap clap icons? Applause back at you Lina A while back you posted you cooked for 30 people at a BE weekend. That's a prime example of service and caring.
Jul 24th 2013 new
(quote) John-559440 said: Where are those clap clap icons? 
Aw, c'mon--no one wants the clap.
Jul 24th 2013 new
(quote) John-559440 said: Where are those clap clap icons? Applause back at you Lina A while back you posted you cooked for 30 people at a BE weekend. That's a prime example of service and caring.
Hi John. One of our members (Zoom) posted this a bit ago, to help us out. Don't know if CM is going to bring all of these back, but I know I do miss having them readily available.

cm.catholocity.net
Jul 24th 2013 new
(quote) Lina-796057 said: Aw, c'mon--no one wants the clap.
laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing and a big BOO HISS
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