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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jul 27th 2013 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said: ...  we need to... find out things about yourself and the opposite sex that you never dreamed of.
As the data in my information storage system (Brain Sector: Cerebral Cortex Left ) about the complexities and intricacies of (State of Being: Being a WOMAN) is zero or null, I am on this site in a state of nullment (nullmency?) as far as your gender type is concerned.


Jul 27th 2013 new
(quote) Jim-624621 said: I got my annulment in 1998 after starting it in 1995, a trip of about 3 years. It is painful to relive all of the memories of the "marriage" to complete the questions from the tribunal, but it is well worth it from a healing perspective.

Jesus said in Luke 16:18, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

That being said, from Jesus' perspective, it could be argued that if we divorce our spouse and do not get an annulment, even if we never remarry, do we not force our former spouses to commit adultery? I believe it is better to get an annulment if you have been previously married even if you never again find a match in this life so that you are not subjected to this judgment.

Peace
And those that fornicate with others are also committing adultery.

Catholics who wish to live their faith ought to be very serious about their spiritual life when discerning marriage. There are a lot of players out there, including in the Catholic 'dating' sites. Just having had an annulment does not make someone an instant victim, but a lot of people want to talk about how they were made the victim, and use that to play up to people's sympathies. The fact is, if you were married without considering what makes it a Sacrament, there may have been other serious problems as well.

The fact of the matter is there are a lot of people who misuse and abuse the Sacraments, including marriage. There are many Catholics who just haven't learned a whole lot about what constitutes a holy marriage, and are simply unwilling to give the basics needed for a relationship rooted in Christ (eg.: honesty, loyalty, honoring chastity, etc.).
Jul 27th 2013 new
If you are married (without an annulment) in the eyes of the Church/ God, and you are company-keeping with a woman who is not your spouse, or involved with her sexually or even just emotionally, you are committing adultery.

If you are single and you are company keeping with a woman who is married and involved with her sexually or even just emotionally, you are committing adultery.

If you have to lie about who you are spending time with to your spouse, fiance or girlfriend/boyfriend, you are not being faithful nor honoring God.
Jul 27th 2013 new
(quote) Jim-624621 said: I got my annulment in 1998 after starting it in 1995, a trip of about 3 years. It is painful to relive all of the memories of the "marriage" to complete the questions from the tribunal, but it is well worth it from a healing perspective.

Jesus said in Luke 16:18, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

That being said, from Jesus' perspective, it could be argued that if we divorce our spouse and do not get an annulment, even if we never remarry, do we not force our former spouses to commit adultery? I believe it is better to get an annulment if you have been previously married even if you never again find a match in this life so that you are not subjected to this judgment.

Peace

Thank you Jim;
This is very, very important point. I never thought about it this way. My former wife has been in a marriage-like relationship with another man for 15 years. Although she doesn't care much about religion, regardless, as you pointed out, she has been committing adultery. She is no longer Catholic (I don't think she has ever been), nevertheless the Sacrament is still binding both of us. So securing the annulment would not only allow me to re-marry, but also free her from the sin.
Jim, thank you so much for pointing this out to me. As a Catholic I have the responsibility not only to myself but also to my wife, even though she doesn't care about things like that.

On the other note; it took you three years to get the annulment. I would like to revisit my original question: what am I doing here without annulment? I think the answer is: I'm fooling myself. I might also be fooling the others.

I made a decision not to participate in this wonderful exchange of opinions, expectations, successes and disappointments until the Sacrament that binds me and my wife is rendered invalid.

I have cancelled my subscription to this site until I can openly, and honestly offer myself to the woman God intended for me (that is, if this is His intention). This was the initial purpose of becoming a participant here, turns out it was unrealistic idea. My subscription expires on August 11. Until then I would like to make friends with you and other wonderful people i have met here.

I have learned an important lesson, and I would like to thank all of you, who took time to encourage or rebuff me.

God bless you Jim and all of you my Brothers and Sisters





Jul 27th 2013 new


I'm pretty ignorant about annulments..,,,( maybe other forum readers are as well),,,,.I know that they are needed to consider re-marriage again...

But why do people seek an annulment....? Does the Church always grant an annulment..?

When we go to confession,,,Jesus wipes our slates clean,,,,,,,is it similar with an annulment..?

How does annulment deal with the initial responsibility of marriage that both spouses swore to uphold..?

Love to all...
Jul 27th 2013 new
(quote) Kenny-949632 said:

I'm pretty ignorant about annulments..,,,( maybe other forum readers are as well),,,,.I know that they are needed to consider re-marriage again...

But why do people seek an annulment....? Does the Church always grant an annulment..?

When we go to confession,,,Jesus wipes our slates clean,,,,,,,is it similar with an annulment..?

How does annulment deal with the initial responsibility of marriage that both spouses swore to uphold..?

Love to all...
www.americancatholic.org

The Catholic Church presumes that marriages are valid, binding spouses for life. When couples do separate and divorce, therefore, the Church examines in detail their marriage to determine if, right from the start, some essential element was missing in their relationship. If that fact has been established, it means the spouses did not have the kind of marital link that binds them together for life.

The Church then issues a declaration of nullity (an annulment) and both are free to marry again in the Catholic Church.

1 On what grounds does the Church declare nullity for some failed marriages?

In technical language, the most common reasons are insufficiency or inadequacy of judgment (also known as lack of due discretion, due to some factor such as young age, pressure to marry in haste, etc.), psychological incapacity, and absence of a proper intention to have children, be faithful, or remain together until death.

These grounds can manifest themselves in various ways. For example, a couple, discovering her pregnancy, decide to marry; only much later do they recognize the lack of wisdom in that decision. Or one spouse carries an addictive problem with alcohol or drugs into the marriage. Perhaps a person, unfaithful during courtship, continues the infidelity after marrying.

In cases like these, the Church judges may decide that something contrary to the nature of marriage or to a full, free human decision prevents this contract from being sound or binding.

I begin this formal annulment process at the parish level for about a dozen petitioners each year. My suggestion to them as they approach the multi-page, perhaps daunting questionnaire moves along these lines:

As you reflect upon the marriage, ask yourself: Was there something missing right from the start, something radically wrong from day one? Before the wedding, were there warning signals, red flags which you may have dismissed simply as the cold-feet anxieties rather common for couples prior to a nuptial service? Did you suffer deep difficulties early in your marital life and worry about them, but, never having been married before, judged they were merely the expected burdensome part of marriage? Now, perhaps years later, you view them as symptomatic of a much more serious problem, a radical malfunctioning in your relationship.

2 Why must a divorced Catholic complete a complicated Church annulment process before remarrying?

Jesus himself had strong words about marriage. The Catholic Church believes it has a responsibility to follow the words of Christ, both in teaching and in practice. Jesus gave a quite blunt answer to those who raised the issue of marriage and divorce. In the Gospel of Mark (10:11-12) he declared: Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and the woman who divorces her husband and marries another commits adultery.

In the Gospel of Luke (16:18), written after the Gospel of Mark, Jesus declaration is almost identical: Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery. The man who marries a woman divorced from her husband likewise commits adultery.

During the exchange recorded by Mark, Christ referred to words from the Old Testament Book of Genesis: At the beginning of creation God made them male and female: for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall become as one. They are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore let no man separate what God has joined (Mark 10:6-9). Most if not all Scripture scholars today maintain that these were Christs original words.

The complicated process of annulment then is a response to the strength of this teaching. The Church presumes that marriages are binding and lifelong. The annulment process helps to determine if something essential was missing from the couples relationship from the beginning that prevented the sacramental union that the couple promised to each other.

Jul 27th 2013 new
Good post Jim .I agree.
Jul 27th 2013 new
(quote) Rachel-731570 said: http://www.americancatholic.org/newsletters/cu/ac1002.asp

The Catholic Church presumes that marriages are valid, binding spouses for life. When couples do separate and divorce, therefore, the Church examines in detail their marriage to determine if, right from the start, some essential element was missing in their relationship. If that fact has been established, it means the spouses did not have the kind of marital link that binds them together for life.

The Church then issues a declaration of nullity (an annulment) and both are free to marry again in the Catholic Church.

1 On what grounds does the Church declare nullity for some failed marriages?

In technical language, the most common reasons are insufficiency or inadequacy of judgment (also known as lack of due discretion, due to some factor such as young age, pressure to marry in haste, etc.), psychological incapacity, and absence of a proper intention to have children, be faithful, or remain together until death.

These grounds can manifest themselves in various ways. For example, a couple, discovering her pregnancy, decide to marry; only much later do they recognize the lack of wisdom in that decision. Or one spouse carries an addictive problem with alcohol or drugs into the marriage. Perhaps a person, unfaithful during courtship, continues the infidelity after marrying.

In cases like these, the Church judges may decide that something contrary to the nature of marriage or to a full, free human decision prevents this contract from being sound or binding.

I begin this formal annulment process at the parish level for about a dozen petitioners each year. My suggestion to them as they approach the multi-page, perhaps daunting questionnaire moves along these lines:

As you reflect upon the marriage, ask yourself: Was there something missing right from the start, something radically wrong from day one? Before the wedding, were there warning signals, red flags which you may have dismissed simply as the cold-feet anxieties rather common for couples prior to a nuptial service? Did you suffer deep difficulties early in your marital life and worry about them, but, never having been married before, judged they were merely the expected burdensome part of marriage? Now, perhaps years later, you view them as symptomatic of a much more serious problem, a radical malfunctioning in your relationship.

2 Why must a divorced Catholic complete a complicated Church annulment process before remarrying?

Jesus himself had strong words about marriage. The Catholic Church believes it has a responsibility to follow the words of Christ, both in teaching and in practice. Jesus gave a quite blunt answer to those who raised the issue of marriage and divorce. In the Gospel of Mark (10:11-12) he declared: Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and the woman who divorces her husband and marries another commits adultery.

In the Gospel of Luke (16:18), written after the Gospel of Mark, Jesus declaration is almost identical: Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery. The man who marries a woman divorced from her husband likewise commits adultery.

During the exchange recorded by Mark, Christ referred to words from the Old Testament Book of Genesis: At the beginning of creation God made them male and female: for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall become as one. They are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore let no man separate what God has joined (Mark 10:6-9). Most if not all Scripture scholars today maintain that these were Christs original words.

The complicated process of annulment then is a response to the strength of this teaching. The Church presumes that marriages are binding and lifelong. The annulment process helps to determine if something essential was missing from the couples relationship from the beginning that prevented the sacramental union that the couple promised to each other.

Dear Rachel;
Thank you for the clarification.

The bottom line is that the Church is right, whether we like it or not. The Church has a very deep insight into human soul among other things. She inherited this insight directly from Christ. Whatever our opinions are, the obedience is the safest route, despite our current state of comprehension.





Jul 27th 2013 new
I just have to say that I am divorced and in process in the annulment stage. I spoke to my priest two weeks ago. I have 2 - 3 canonical forms. I am very lonely on here as unless you have an annulment it seems like no one will talk to you. I only am interested in a catholic relationship and although other sites are more friendly and conversational, it just does not reach my soul. I feel stuck.
It is a shame to pay for here when you cannot not even establish a friendship.
I understand the sentiments expressed on this topic but there is informal discernment that I have read about.
Although an annulment seems more than probable for myself I feel that there is a lack of affability on CM. People do not even reply. It is rude. I may as well wait until I have my annulment and join Ava Maria.
CM was known to be friendlier and more charitable. People on here go for weeks without logging on or replying. It just does not feel right to me. Thanks for allowing me to express where I am at with this topic. Linda

Jul 27th 2013 new
(quote) Michael-556947 said: The new Pope mobile is the Ford Focus used with no frills . What Does OBAMA drive ?
laughing


He "drives" a $3,016 a minute Boeing 747 to vacations and golf outings while we the "peasants" pay for it. faint
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