One Sweet Day.
My husband died suddenly almost 13 years ago, on the night before my birthday. We were married only 10 months. My honeymoon never ended. During those surreal moments when the doctors were trying to revive him I had this wild conversation with God, almost in denial, telling Him he was in charge and I wasn't worried, but also offering him my husband if He wanted it. I don't know how I had to guts to do that. I was strangely calm when I heard the news of his death, maybe shock, and did everything to calm everyone else. A few days later, when I could finally sleep again, I took a short nap, and had the most incredible dream. I couldn't see anything, but I had a long conversation with my husband. He told me he was in heaven, and thanked me for getting him there. He said that I "gave him to heaven so well they had to take me, right away." He told me wonderful things about heaven, "heaven is full of friends", and made me laugh. He promised he would look after me, and keep talking to me. It took me years to recover from his death, but to this day he still sends me reminders to say he's still there. There many "reminders" in the first few years. On New Years after our wedding, he hung up calendars around the house and promised he would not forget our anniversary. He picked up the month page where our anniversary was to show me that he pasted flowers around the date. Seeing them on what would have been my first anniversary haunted me. I kept seeing him in the kitchen with a bouquet from the supermarket, that he often got, putting a vase on the kitchen table. On the day of my anniversary, I found a vase of 10 red roses on the front porch, one for each month we had together, with a card that read "love forever, Bob's messenger service". One of my sisters living in another state, "saw" the flowers, as she was driving home from work the night before and had to send them. For those who are still married, I think this "gift" that sweetens a tough loss comes as a grace of wedding vows.