(quote) Joan-529855 said: Secret,
Exactly. BUT how do you "communicate" with someone who feels communicating takes too much effort and all they really want is sex?
One very disturbing result of today's "hook up" society is that men/women are engaging in a physical relationship far too soon and the communication skills are not honed. If you can imagine a different scene in this video clip: woman complains of pressure in the head, man yanks the nail out (problem solved), then they engage in sex. THAT is the scene played out again and again in our world today. Men are getting their physical needs met (through sex) but women are left with serious emotional pain from lack of communication/empathy on the part of the male. When the woman refuses to engage in sex due to her unresolved emotional pain (because they lack appropriate communication skills), the man goes elsewhere to get his physical needs met (porn, affair, prostitute).
Notice I did not say they "make love" because love making INCLUDES empathetic communication. Most people in today's world "have sex" and never know what "lovemaking" is.
If one is already in a relationship with someone who feels "communicating takes too much effort," then counseling, to me, is the next step. If communication skills are lacking, one can talk until they're blue in the face and their partner isn't going to hear
them nor understand. Seeking spiritual counseling is a must but I think it has to be coupled with traditional therapy, too. A licensed marriage and family therapist can teach a couple effective tools needed.
And I'm divorced... So I know that as badly as one fights to save a marriage, sometimes the other partner refuses to change/compromise/listen. Dreams go unfulfilled - self respect is lost - faith is diminished - and walls on both sides go up. What other recourse, then, is there?
I was a CM member three years ago, and I left because I thought I'd found someone worth pursuing. We didn't meet on CM and after careful discernment (on my part) and patience (which drove him crazy), I could see that we wanted different things. I'm so happy I've returned to Catholic Match. Knowing in advance that a man is 7 of 7 on his faith questions means he's willing to be patient (wait for the sacrament of marriage instead of rushing into a relationship that often gets centered on physical desires), practice discernment with me, and together we can hone our communication skills.
I don't know whether I gave an appropriate response, Joan. In a big way, I feel I'm preaching to the choir. We're already here on CM because we're not willing to settle for less. Blessings.