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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jul 24th 2013 new
When I "fix" things for friends , they must believe that I always act and perform in their best interests.

During the recent heat-wave a female friend suffered because she needed a new air conditioner. I went to her place , took measurements, and told her what to buy and where to buy it. When,she tried to follow someone else's advice , I said "Good-Bye "

She purchased a new unit , "ran" it for a week ,but the room temperature remained at over 90 degress , so she had to call me to "fix it". I found the problem , and when I told her to call the aplliance store she said "in a few minutes".

I replied , "Catherine , you are calling the store NOW, or I'm leaving and you'r stuck with the problem"

Problem solved , but I had to be firm.
Jul 24th 2013 new
(quote) Secret-991193 said: Hi, Lina,

You're right! Women want to be heard and men have their opinion how to fix things. When shall the twain meet?

Again, this is a tongue-in-cheek short film pointing out how men and women view things differently. I don't believe there's a right or wrong answer here. It's simply one of the unique and, might I say, mysterious differences between the sexes.

My point, speaking as a woman (certainly not that I am right) is simply this: He's seeing her (the nail). He's not hearing her (talk about her pressures and struggles). Therein lies the difference.

And my question is: How do the men feel about this? Men say they just don't get what we're trying to say. And they would be right.

It drives home the importance of communication. I know of relationships that have ended due to lack of communication. Communicating to me is like tending a beautiful garden. We give it our attention and lovingly water it, give it sun and pull the weeds.

At least this couple is talking. It's when the talking stops that a relationship is in trouble.
Secret,

Exactly. BUT how do you "communicate" with someone who feels communicating takes too much effort and all they really want is sex?

One very disturbing result of today's "hook up" society is that men/women are engaging in a physical relationship far too soon and the communication skills are not honed. If you can imagine a different scene in this video clip: woman complains of pressure in the head, man yanks the nail out (problem solved), then they engage in sex. THAT is the scene played out again and again in our world today. Men are getting their physical needs met (through sex) but women are left with serious emotional pain from lack of communication/empathy on the part of the male. When the woman refuses to engage in sex due to her unresolved emotional pain (because they lack appropriate communication skills), the man goes elsewhere to get his physical needs met (porn, affair, prostitute).

Notice I did not say they "make love" because love making INCLUDES empathetic communication. Most people in today's world "have sex" and never know what "lovemaking" is.
Jul 24th 2013 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said: Secret,

Exactly. BUT how do you "communicate" with someone who feels communicating takes too much effort and all they really want is sex?

One very disturbing result of today's "hook up" society is that men/women are engaging in a physical relationship far too soon and the communication skills are not honed. If you can imagine a different scene in this video clip: woman complains of pressure in the head, man yanks the nail out (problem solved), then they engage in sex. THAT is the scene played out again and again in our world today. Men are getting their physical needs met (through sex) but women are left with serious emotional pain from lack of communication/empathy on the part of the male. When the woman refuses to engage in sex due to her unresolved emotional pain (because they lack appropriate communication skills), the man goes elsewhere to get his physical needs met (porn, affair, prostitute).

Notice I did not say they "make love" because love making INCLUDES empathetic communication. Most people in today's world "have sex" and never know what "lovemaking" is.
Hi, Joan,

If one is already in a relationship with someone who feels "communicating takes too much effort," then counseling, to me, is the next step. If communication skills are lacking, one can talk until they're blue in the face and their partner isn't going to hear them nor understand. Seeking spiritual counseling is a must but I think it has to be coupled with traditional therapy, too. A licensed marriage and family therapist can teach a couple effective tools needed.

And I'm divorced... So I know that as badly as one fights to save a marriage, sometimes the other partner refuses to change/compromise/listen. Dreams go unfulfilled - self respect is lost - faith is diminished - and walls on both sides go up. What other recourse, then, is there?

I was a CM member three years ago, and I left because I thought I'd found someone worth pursuing. We didn't meet on CM and after careful discernment (on my part) and patience (which drove him crazy), I could see that we wanted different things. I'm so happy I've returned to Catholic Match. Knowing in advance that a man is 7 of 7 on his faith questions means he's willing to be patient (wait for the sacrament of marriage instead of rushing into a relationship that often gets centered on physical desires), practice discernment with me, and together we can hone our communication skills.

I don't know whether I gave an appropriate response, Joan. In a big way, I feel I'm preaching to the choir. We're already here on CM because we're not willing to settle for less. Blessings. Praying rosary
Jul 24th 2013 new
"...all my sweaters are snagged..." laughing
Jul 24th 2013 new
Lina, Very good interpretation!
Jul 24th 2013 new
Albert, You are 78 years old and you are still Mr. Fix-it ? WOW!
Jul 24th 2013 new
Lina, that is excellent the way you stated your thoughts about men and womens reactions to each other. I truly can related to what you just said, when any lady has something to say to me, I always try to make that time to hear her out.
Michael
Jul 24th 2013 new
Lina, that is excellent the way you stated your thoughts about men and womens reactions to each other. I truly can related to what you just said, when any lady has something to say to me, I always try to make that time to hear her out.
Michael
Jul 24th 2013 new
Hilarious! Another win for Jason Headley on astuteness to couple interaction!

The thing is, the men in our lives (friends and relatives) have tried fixing everything for some of us so many times that we've gotten to the point where we do expect any him to just fix anything that we're talking about but still expect him to be able to discern between which things to fix (anything broken or needing to be built & moving anything too big or heavy for us) versus work issues (nothing he can do anything about), school issues (not his to deal with), etc . . .
Jul 25th 2013 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg
Haha, Joan! It's not about the nail, nor is it about empathy, to me. You should simply change the title of this thread to read thus: "Men. this is the kind of woman that you should never marry." Then, play the video again. Meh, people, things, it's all the same... or is it? Men, notice how the man surrenders and then just about goes blind? The blind can't effectively lead the blind. Give empathy where deserved not where it's used to manipulate. Next!
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