This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.
Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola
For many, grieving over the loss of a foundational relationship takes some time.
But with an annulment comes the understanding that there was no marriage.
What appeared to have been built on a rock, was built on sandstone that washed away.
So there's no relationship to mourn because there was nothing there to begin with.
Although discovering that can be quite painful.
I would add that coming to understand what went wrong in a past relationship helps the healing process.
One sign I look for is if the other party keeps talking/writing bad things about their ex. When done, it's not over yet. That individual has not let go. Forgiveness is a must, although I would expect one to never forget. Another good sign is when a person says good things about the ex, when deserved... otherwise silence. Making things up just for show will come out, likely against you.
For me, discernment completed, it was when I came to the full realization that there is nothing more the other can do to me to cause me more pain. I owned up to my part of the deserved blame, didn't care any more if she would ever or not, I forgave (will never forget) and I moved on. The scars are scabs are there like dead tissue that keeps falling off with time.
Praise be to God for his redeeming grace!!!
Ever since I completely let it go, the pain has been gone.
Now, I actually find myself saying good things... Who would have thunk it!!!!
My lawyer in my divorce was very wise and would point out to me the good things about my ex and the positive reasons I married him in the first place. If you don't do this, if you only view your ex negatively, the next logical step is to look at yourself as someone who can't make a good decision and you will have trouble making a commitment again.