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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Aug 1st 2013 new
Thank you so much, Secret. Your words were very positive and uplifting, just what i needed today. I am working on it but my days drift back and forth. I still talk to my ex, a glutton for punishment I guess. But we are friends. I still care about him even though we both know we will never be a couple again. It would be a lot easier to never speak to him again. Talking about it sometimes does give me strength and courage.. but sometimes it makes me want to just vanish and hide away somewhere forever in the darkness. It's hard to find someone who really understands. I appreciate your good counsel. :)
Aug 2nd 2013 new
wave Thanks for your story and Hod Bless!
Aug 2nd 2013 new
Welcome to the forums, Larry. You have many, many friends here.
Aug 3rd 2013 new
I am sure my ex has a huge list of my faults.

And no, it's not important for me to know them, though, on occasion, he does let me know what I am doing wrong/what is wrong with me.

When I got to know my ex, and when we married, I was a strong CINO (Catholic in name only). He was nothing, religious wise. He went through the sacraments, and became Catholic. We married in a Catholic Church. In my narrow vision of the world, I thought that was enough. It wasn't. Since we never invited God to our wedding (even though we did marry in His house), nor did we invite him into our marriage, we were open game for the evil one. Like the scripture that tells of the foolish man who builds his house on sand so that when the rains came and the streams rose, the house then fell, that was like our marriage (without God in it).

After my divorce, and after becoming what I will call a revert, where I've become very strong about my devotion to my faith, in combination with attaining an annulment, I see things from my past so much clearer. I see who I was, who my ex was, and what type of marriage we had. I am a significantly different person than I was. My ex is still living his very secular life. So with that in mind, my ex's view of me doesn't carry much, if any, weight. Just as someone from our secular would wouldn't as well (i.e. people with a secular world view don't understand chastity, so I'd never seek advice from them about things like pre-marital sex or contraception).

Whenever I need a sounding board about something, I first go to God. Then, if needed, I seek out strong Catholics (or Christians.....I have a good friend who isn't Catholic but has a strong reliance on God) for help/advice. I've learned to not discuss important issues with people who have a secular view of their lives and the world, which would include my ex.
Aug 3rd 2013 new
Wendy -- Your last paragraph is the most important thing for people to read and understand for themselves too! It's so easy to forget who's opinion is important and who's is worthless! Congratulations on your journey closer to Our Lord -- I've been traveling that path myself -- marrying anon-Catholic was my biggest mistake, but God brought many blessings from it anyway.
Aug 3rd 2013 new
(quote) Wendy-387654 said: Like the scripture that tells of the foolish man who builds his house on sand so that when the rains came and the streams rose, the house then fell, that was like our marriage (without God in it).

Hi Wendy, I loved how you explained this in detail. I can certainly relate to it. My ex and I also failed to invite God to our wedding and our marriage. I yearned for it daily, knew what I was missing but some how had it in my head that I wasn't going to get any closer to God without him. That was my biggest mistake. I should have embrace my faith more and maybe he would have followed me. Looking back doesn't do much good now. As my ex says all the time, "I am who I am". That is his excuse for never changing, never growing, never getting closer to God.
At least now you and I both know the first thing we should do in a relationship, invite God. Thank you so much for sharing that, you have a beautiful way with words. :)
Aug 3rd 2013 new
My former spouse actually handed me a neatly typed list of 56 faults of mine eyepopping AND I responded with, "you mean there are only 56?" (true story!!) I typed up a list of 40 strengths of his, gave it to him, and asked him to do the same for me. After a bit of prodding on my part, he came up with one eyebrow .
Once a person CHOOSES to no longer love you, you will appear to be the biggest loser to them and have a list of faults a mile long. That list is not important. What is important is that God loves you and that you are pleasing God, not your spouse. You were never put on this earth to please your spouse, you were put on this earth to please God. So, no, what your spouse thinks are your major faults is not important to know.
Aug 3rd 2013 new
I think to some extent what my ex thinks about my faults are important. I know I shouldn't take them the wrong way or think I'm a horrible person because of what he says, though he doesn't think I'm a horrible person either. But I do pay attention to what he says because I want to improve myself. I don't want to make the same mistakes again. True, everyone is different and what happened between the two of us may never happen again but it still makes me want to improve myself and shouldn't we all try to do that?
I would not want to improve to suit his better but instead, to be a better person. Likewise, I have some suggestions for his improvement as well..
Aug 3rd 2013 new
Well, my Ex- told me when he left that I had no faults. At our daughter's wedding last October he said the same thing! He said that there was nothing I could have done to change the way things had been, but for a while it was a good thing! NOW WHAT THE HECK DO YOU SAY IN RESPONSE TO THAT ??? I would have preferred a list of faults! As it is, I guess my biggest fault is poor judgement!
Aug 3rd 2013 new
Christine, I honestly don't know which is worse, being told you didn't have any faults or being told that the ones you did have, you considered your best assets. o_0
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