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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Aug 22nd 2013 new
(quote) Dawn-58330 said: I think it is a pretty safe bet for men to assume that if a woman is on here she is eligible. The great majority of people who join dating sites are single and looking to date. Sure, there are some who are not, but that percentage is A LOT less than the number in a bar. Take a reasonable risk here.
Nope, (talking of 45+ group) the majority are just divorced; no completed discernment.(means to me the dance card is taken, ie full) that is the bulk of the female membership... never married/annulled/widowed are less than 46% combined... and of those meeting just that first criterion... there are more impediments... which keep their dance cards full. The probable REAL eligible percentage is somewhere near the teen percentage rate. Then come preferences... and for me my first preference is an eligible woman (always) who doesn't just say "faith first" but tries to live it to the best of her ability.
Aug 22nd 2013 new
(quote) John-971967 said: Nope, (talking of 45+ group) the majority are just divorced; no completed discernment.(means to me the dance card is taken, ie full) that is the bulk of the female membership... never married/annulled/widowed are less than 46% combined... and of those meeting just that first criterion... there are more impediments... which keep their dance cards full. The probable REAL eligible percentage is somewhere near the teen percentage rate. Then come preferences... and for me my first preference is an eligible woman (always) who doesn't just say "faith first" but tries to live it to the best of her ability.
I get that. But I still maintain the odds are better than a bar or supermarket or HomeDepot. And as far as the risk to inquire? If one's criteria includes must be free to marry in the Church (as is mine), what risk to psyche, ego, emotions, or heart is there in inquiring? None of those should be harmed in finding out someone is not able to be married in the Church. The first steps of dating is data gathering without personal attachment. (For example, I don't take it personally if a man doesn't want to get to know me because I have not already been married when he discerned a while ago that he was looking for someone with marriage experience. It isn't about me so my feelings aren't hurt.) It's a given that we are going to receive and give a lot of no's. Accept that. There will be no "yes" if we don't persevere.
Aug 22nd 2013 new
(quote) Dawn-58330 said: I get that. But I still maintain the odds are better than a bar or supermarket or HomeDepot. And as far as the risk to inquire? If one's criteria includes must be free to marry in the Church (as is mine), what risk to psyche, ego, emotions, or heart is there in inquiring? None of those should be harmed in finding out someone is not able to be married in the Church. The first steps of dating is data gathering without personal attachment. (For example, I don't take it personally if a man doesn't want to get to know me because I have not already been married when he discerned a while ago that he was looking for someone with marriage experience. It isn't about me so my feelings aren't hurt.) It's a given that we are going to receive and give a lot of no's. Accept that. There will be no "yes" if we don't persevere.
Better than in a bar, etc.? Probably. But it's still a far cry from a safe bet (for men or women)

Aug 22nd 2013 new
I'm new here...so is this how this site really is? I mean, is this site just a huge game of cat and mouse?

Is what I see here the majority's opinion or just a small sample of people venting?

Personally, there is no one my age in my Church that isn't married or WAY out of my age group. I get dates, and in fact I was just on one last Saturday, but she's not into the Church (was raised Catholic but didn't care) and was all over me to the point where I had to say, "Hey, slow down chica."

I have no problem getting dates but the more I do, the more disappointed with my generation I become. It's the norm to have sex, live together, and go crazy. So, I have few resources to find a mate who will share in my faith and respect my principles.

Is it hopeless here? Should I just leave?
Aug 22nd 2013 new
(quote) Scott-1001584 said: I'm new here...so is this how this site really is? I mean, is this site just a huge game of cat and mouse?

Is what I see here the majority's opinion or just a small sample of people venting?

Personally, there is no one my age in my Church that isn't married or WAY out of my age group. I get dates, and in fact I was just on one last Saturday, but she's not into the Church (was raised Catholic but didn't care) and was all over me to the point where I had to say, "Hey, slow down chica."

I have no problem getting dates but the more I do, the more disappointed with my generation I become. It's the norm to have sex, live together, and go crazy. So, I have few resources to find a mate who will share in my faith and respect my principles.

Is it hopeless here? Should I just leave?
One thing to realize is that the vast majority of CM members do not post in the forums; thu, opinions that may appear to be widely held may not be so by the CM membership as a whole.

Get what you can out of the forums, but take the complaints with a (large) grain of salt and spend time looking for the person who is right for you.

Aug 22nd 2013 new
(quote) Jerry-74383 said: One thing to realize is that the vast majority of CM members do not post in the forums; thu, opinions that may appear to be widely held may not be so by the CM membership as a whole.

Get what you can out of the forums, but take the complaints with a (large) grain of salt and spend time looking for the person who is right for you.

Good to know! Thanks for the info. I'm not discouraged THAT easily, but just want to know I'm not walking into a wall.
Aug 22nd 2013 new
Dawn, you've made some excellent points, and I agree with much of what you say. I just wanted to share my realizations to contrast your harmless but off the mark observation on that one point.

There are three key advantages to CM online dating to me:

1. A Catholic man/woman can cross paths with other women/men much more readily who are available for marriage than he/she would in person, and identify initial mutual interest,

2. Expand one's search to truly be global and not be just local (although local is critical in later stages), and

3. Through the online discovery process the timeframe for reaching much deeper levels of discerning to what truly God has in mind between the two.

So it just makes us be able to introduce ourselves to one another, in front of the Catholic community, but the rest is pretty much like the more traditional means.

All good things take God....
Aug 22nd 2013 new
Welcome Scott!

Just keep your gaze focused on God and let him lead you where He wills. If the young lady destined for you is here, He will lead you to her.
Aug 22nd 2013 new
I agree with you John. You have made some excellent points. In theory, this should work, it has great potential, which is why I joined. Unfortunately, like everything in life,it takes time and patience and a lot of perserverance. In God's time, not ours. ( I just wish he would hurry up a little!) Praying
Aug 22nd 2013 new
(quote) Trish-977181 said: I agree with you John. You have made some excellent points. In theory, this should work, it has great potential, which is why I joined. Unfortunately, like everything in life,it takes time and patience and a lot of perserverance. In God's time, not ours. ( I just wish he would hurry up a little!)
Trish,

I truly believe that those who listen to the recommendations of CM staff and moderators, on how best to utilize the site's "tools" one becomes better prepared to recognize God's steps intended for us to follow. After all, what is it that drew us here?

For the ladies, I surmise that those who fare the best are the ones who know how to be still.

The key question is this: is God walking toward you (that may have the man right behind him following in his footsteps) or is God walking away from you?
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