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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Aug 27th 2013 new
Do not give up - I rejoined in late May early June and then I met someone in July from this site - we are in daily communication. We have had one face to face as we are 5 1/2 hour apart or 320 miles. We are making it work so far and I will see him again in Sept at Wisconsin Dells :) . We are a wonderful match for each other.
Aug 27th 2013 new
(quote) Tom-975374 said: Any woman who thinks of herself as a prize is an instant turn off for any decent man. No man with self respect likes to deal with a diva. As soon as a woman demands a pedastool you should be outta there, quick. And if any man puts you on the pedastool you should be weary. He's either got no backbone or a hidden agenda. Male and Female are both on equal footing - the magic happens when both see each other as the prize.

Imagine Mary thinking of herself as a prize? No. It's not a Catholic thought. Having high standards morally and personally is good. As is being detached in the spiritual sense (enough to discern but not so much that you are cut off emotionally). Being a diva who demands to be fought for and thought of as a queen simply for being born female is neo-feminist propaganda under the guise of a promotion of traditional chivalry and courtship.

Ever noticed how a lot of women with seemingly the highest standards end up with terrible husbands? That's because they've either settled with a loser who whiteknighted them or they got caught in the trap of a smooth talker who had a hidden secret/agenda. I've seen it again and again. The down to earth girls who just want a good man and don't play diva games are the ones who end up alright (secular or Catholic). This 'prize' stuff is passive-aggressive and usually a very forced and strained dating game.

Again, seen it a thousand times. It's a huge thing in the conservative/traditionalist world where a lot of girls are taught that men need to kneel before them and beg for to be their spouse because they've been brought up as angels and appear to know what it means to be a good wife. But in fact, they're often incredibly naive about it all and have a warped sense of the chemistry/relationship between men and women; between husband and wife. Catholic or not, diva types tend to poison their own well because the normal part of them wants a strong man, the Catholic part wants to be humble, but the diva part is attracting the weaklings and men who fulfill her every desire to be the 'queen'. Most young women snap out of this quickly once they realize that nobody wants to marry a diva or some of the men so far haven't been the cream of the crop (which is what they aim for but paradoxically never really reach).

Fight for the woman you love, sure. Slay the baddies and climb up her hair to get into the tower to be the prince charming. But if she's hiring mercenaries to test you and refuses to let down her hair because she just got it styled all to make it more of a challenge well... there are better women out there.

Being a good Catholic gentleman is not about being a puppy to a woman. Men and women were created equal but different. Complementary is what it's about. Advocating 'prize' stuff flips that around. Men can be Fathers. Woman can be Mothers. There is no Jesus without Mary; but Mary isn't going around telling everyone about it. Good Catholic men treat all women with respect, dignity, charity and kindness. If you're interested in someone, you just add in a little flirting and (appropriate) affection.

Being a strong masculine man with honor is not about being a flimsy and flowery charmer. Charm is a good thing; but allowing a woman to make herself out to be a prize makes your charm an end in itself rather than a means to an end (and good charm is a means, but it's not empty or meaningless).

It's great to treat your girlfriend or wife as special. That's a no brainer. It's one of the things I most look forward to when I am married - spoiling my wife (and, one day, kids please God!). But there's an intuitive kind of feeling you register between a woman who is genuinely happy and surprised with it, and who will reciprocate, and a woman who expects it and is waiting for the next round so that she can keep check on how well you're doing in terms of impressing her and flattering her elevated sense of self worth.

Don't ever idolize or idealize a woman (which is what this 'prize' stuff wants you to do).
No prizes, no pedastools. Just simple, Catholic courtship.

Pax to the max.
Hi Tom,

your post is proof that wisdom does not necessarily come with age. Your comments brought much insight. Please can you be my spiritual, sorry romance director, smile ? God bless.

Uju.
Aug 27th 2013 new

The Prayer of St. Patrick

I arise today
Through the strength of heaven;
Light of the sun,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of the wind,
Depth of the sea,
Stability of the earth,
Firmness of the rock.

I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me;
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's hosts to save me
Afar and anear,
Alone or in a mulitude.

Christ shield me today
Against wounding
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me.

I arise today
Through the mighty strength
Of the Lord of creation.

Aug 27th 2013 new
(quote) Lynea-297530 said: I am saying simply that women ought to be respected by men not a having personal sameness, because we are not 'equal' at all in that sense. Men should be looking out for the dignity of women and children in a special way, and women ought to be allowing men to do that. It goes beyond mere courtship. For example, men ought to hold doors for all women and children, and not just those to whom they are courting. This shouldn't be because men are less dignified, but because they are more so when they recognize the dignity of women because of the differences as GOD has created in them, and that those differences should be seen on the whole, and not in the limited view, "well, if she's my girlfriend/wife, then I'll do that sort of thing". Men ought to have it in their gut instincts to protect the personal dignity of women (and also children, for that matter) out of love for God. And women ought to not try to subtly or not so subtly challenge the personal differences in our dignities between man and woman. That's all I meant. I wasn't referring to anything subversive like tom-foolery (no pun intended) and sweet-talking, prevaricating and the like, in order to win a woman's affections by falseness.
Lynea, you have made some very good points, in regards to the differences between men, women and children. Unfortunately in today's world chivalry is not practiced by the majority of men, and women have become so accustomed to the lack of chivalry that they do not expect it. Remember when the Titanic sank, the women and children were placed on the rescue rafts first and many men perished as a result; this is a very good example of chivalry, something that is sorely missed today. No one should be placed on a pedastal but God did call men to protect the women and children, which puts a greater burden on the men, and yes it goes beyond mere courtship. Men should practice chivalry with every woman, not just the woman they find attractive or would like to court.
Aug 28th 2013 new
Jim said "get to enjoy rejection". Does ANYONE truly enjoy rejection? Do you, Jim? I have a hobby where I meet men and women, walk the dog, go to Mass every week or more and encounter men in the grocery store. I have coached several men on how to pick a good melon or cut of meat but nothing blossomed. My neighbors are all married or over 90 or "living with" someone. So I turned to this site. Yes I get discouraged but enjoy rejection? Not likely.
Aug 28th 2013 new
(quote) Karen-856326 said: Jim said "get to enjoy rejection". Does ANYONE truly enjoy rejection? Do you, Jim? I have a hobby where I meet men and women, walk the dog, go to Mass every week or more and encounter men in the grocery store. I have coached several men on how to pick a good melon or cut of meat but nothing blossomed. My neighbors are all married or over 90 or "living with" someone. So I turned to this site. Yes I get discouraged but enjoy rejection? Not likely.
..,,Get to enjoy rejection...if someone does not like you move on and on and on....,,why would you like to hang around with someone who does not want you around
Aug 28th 2013 new
(quote) Donna-1001468 said: Okay, I am going to get a ton of flack for this but here it is:

Why, as a woman of high value (which your beautiful profile clearly reflects), are you doing any initiating?

Ladies, WE are the prize here!

It is just my opinion and experience that if you represent yourself honestly in your profile, someone matching your interests is going to find you attractive and interesting. Then, if he has courage (and we all want a man with courage), he will take the next step and initiate contact with you. At that point, YOU can decide if the man that is showing interest is "worthy".

I say "worthy" because we, as women, must be very selective ~ Too many of our sisters are abused, or in some way hurting due to poor choices in men. Yes, this takes longer. Yes, it takes patience, but a BIG YES in that when that one man that "gets" you and is naturally attracted to you comes along, it is soooo worth the wait!

I can see the hate mail coming, but I just wanted to share that in my opinion, this is how it works best for me, not only on a dating site, but in the real world.

One more thing I want to add: As for "friends" I really think that is not being totally honest with our intentions. Speaking for myself, I have a ton of friends and did not join a DATING site to meet more. I am not here to make another buddy. Following that logic, when you reach out to a man on the pretext of "friendship" do you think it possible that he loses interest in you immediately as he is here to seek and find a girlfriend?
You are right on!!!!! Although I wouldn't automatically reject a woman who made the first move, it would raise questions. Why does she feel the need to be agressor? We men our the hunters and it is our job to find a woman we want and hopefully make the sale. Even in cases where a woman may really be into the man that is pursuing her, she should make him work a little bit. There is something to be said for the thrill of the chase, and for women that are too into a man way too fast, that can kill the romance a bit.

A couple years ago there was a girl on this site I had emotigrammed a few times and got no response. Since she lived in Chicago like me, I actually ran into her at multi parish Christmas party a few months later. I didnt initially remember her from her profile and was impressed that she remembered me. I then wondered why she didnt respond and was waiting for an explanation, but just let it go when she didn't offer one.

We then started dating soon after this meeting but of course, with the holidays, that is a bit akward time to start a courtship. But she became very clingy very quickly nonetheless and I became uncomfortable with the way it was moving to fast and the way she almost seemed to be pursuing me. This 180 degree turn caught me off guard and suddenly I wasn't as interested as I was before. If this woman had simply let me take the lead in the beginning, I think it could have worked out. When I told her I thought it was going to fast, she got defensive and upset and things quickly dissolved after that.

So, the lesson is for women is let the man find you. Make yourself or in the case of online dating your profile as attractive to men as possible and you'll get some responses. But also if you do meet a guy here in person, still make him pursue you and not the other way around.
Aug 28th 2013 new
(quote) Patrick-341178 said: But she became very clingy very quickly nonetheless and I became uncomfortable with the way it was moving to fast and the way she almost seemed to be pursuing me. This 180 degree turn caught me off guard and suddenly I wasn't as interested as I was before. If this woman had simply let me take the lead in the beginning, I think it could have worked out. When I told her I thought it was going to fast, she got defensive and upset and things quickly dissolved after that.

So, the lesson is for women is let the man find you. Make yourself or in the case of online dating your profile as attractive to men as possible and you'll get some responses. But also if you do meet a guy here in person, still make him pursue you and not the other way around.
You may have made a classic error, that I made, at age 27. after ending a wonderful relationship.

Soon after ending the relationship, a 60-yo guyfriend who managed the laundromat where I went, told me ... when closing the door on a relationship, don't slam the door too hard, because it might come back and hit you on the a** ... if you learn you want to enter that door again.

Aug 28th 2013 new
(quote) Patrick-341178 said: You are right on!!!!! Although I wouldn't automatically reject a woman who made the first move, it would raise questions. Why does she feel the need to be agressor? We men our the hunters and it is our job to find a woman we want and hopefully make the sale. Even in cases where a woman may really be into the man that is pursuing her, she should make him work a little bit. There is something to be said for the thrill of the chase, and for women that are too into a man way too fast, that can kill the romance a bit.
I wouldn't mind, as I don't pick up on the little verbal/emotional cues and hints. If they backed off because I was supposed to 'work for them,' I would just assume they were simply tired of me and would end up doing nothing at all.
I don't play those games, and I don't understand them. Plus, not being a big 'catch' moneywise, personally, or healthwise, I don't feel like I even have much right to be a pursuer type. Such as it is, I'd feel presumptuous in doing so. Shoot, I wish they would magically visit my doorstep, because I am utterly hapless at this business otherwise.
Aug 28th 2013 new
Hello Melissa,
I know what you mean! I've been fortunate to make contact with some nice people, but I've also run into plenty of the sort you refer to. Here's my two cents worth.
I can't see any reason not to reply to a message unless it's something really off the wall. I answer every message I receive because it's just common courtesy to do that. You are right to point out that a smiley face is not exactly a lifetime commitment.
I disagree with your assumption that un-responses mean that there's something wrong with you. Rudeness (like ignoring someone saying hello to you) is a problem with the rude person, not the polite one. Please don't take it as a referendum on you when someone decides to be ignorant and not reply.
I doubt that many message ignorers have read this, but if any are, consider changing your habits a bit. You needn't tell your life story to us if we message you, but a quick response would be nice. It might make someone's day to have a message to look at when they expected "that folder is empty" It's certainly worth the ten seconds it would take to be nice instead of being unfriendly.
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