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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Sep 6th 2013 new
(quote) Chia-918794 said: Nick, I agree with the other womans response (forgot who wrote it sorry). It might be a factor that you are still not free from your previous marriage that may scare women away. Though this is not an excuse to ignore. I believe courtesy of sending an emotigram just to say thank you would be the polite way to decline. We can't force people to do though if they don't want to... there may be reasons or previous experiences why people do things. I suggest don't take it personally.... if you wanna reply to women you're not interested in with an emotigram, im sure qomen would appreciate that. Oh and by the way, non paying members can see emotigrams and can reply with an emotigram as well... they just cannot see the personal message if you wrote one. I know this because I tried out the site as a free member first for a few weeks before I decided to final pay the membership... and I don't regret it.
HI Chia. Thanks for the input. I should have realized that non-members could not see messages and reply.
And, you're probably correct about the fact that the divorce isn't final might be scaring some women off. I guess my only response to that is that I could see how it would frighten someone who's never been married, maybe not frighten someone who has gone through it (I might be naive about that).

And just to clarify - I was not complaining about non-replies. I was just curious about the norm. I'm not nearly thin-skinned enough for non-replies to bother me.

Everyone, thanks for the input. I really appreciate it.
Sep 6th 2013 new
(quote) Sara-979131 said: Proper decorum dictates that we at least say, thank-you.

(Imagine someone with an English accent saying the above. That's how I imagine it.)


Hi Sara. I think I'll imagine the "thank you" with an English accent also. laughing
Sep 7th 2013 new
Not getting a reply is common, sadly. It is what it is but I personally think a simple response is the polite thing to do. Good luck.
Sep 7th 2013 new
Hi again everyone. All this talk lead me to another question...
So, if "non-members" cannot see or reply to messages and can only see emoticons. Is there a way to know which profiles belong to those people? Maybe it's obvious and I'm missing it.

However, if many of the profiles that show up in searches are the "freebies" then I think that is somewhat misleading.
Sep 7th 2013 new
(quote) Nick-1007340 said: Hi again everyone. All this talk lead me to another question...
So, if "non-members" cannot see or reply to messages and can only see emoticons. Is there a way to know which profiles belong to those people? Maybe it's obvious and I'm missing it.

However, if many of the profiles that show up in searches are the "freebies" then I think that is somewhat misleading.
Non-members can neither send nor receive messages or emotes because tney don't have accounts to send them from/to.

Unpaid members can see who sent them messages but they are unable to see the content. The same is true for emotes (they can see which emote was used, but not any text typed by the sender).

By design, it is not possible to identify which member are unpaid.

If unpaid members did not show up in search results, it is unlikely anyone would send them messages and (hopefully) encourage them to pay to read them. If you read through the success stories, you will find more than a few that started with this very sequence of events. Note that many other singles sites use essentially the same model.

Sep 7th 2013 new
(quote) Jerry-74383 said: Non-members can neither send nor receive messages or emotes because tney don't have accounts to send them from/to.

Unpaid members can see who sent them messages but they are unable to see the content. The same is true for emotes (they can see which emote was used, but not any text typed by the sender).

By design, it is not possible to identify which member are unpaid.

If unpaid members did not show up in search results, it is unlikely anyone would send them messages and (hopefully) encourage them to pay to read them. If you read through the success stories, you will find more than a few that started with this very sequence of events. Note that many other singles sites use essentially the same model.

Hi Jerry. Thanks for the info. That all makes sense.
Good luck!
Sep 7th 2013 new
I always reply to the messages I receive usually within 24 hours. I think it just common courtesy to take the time to respond when somebody takes the time to reach out. Keep in mind that there are many profiles on here that belong to non-subscribers and in those cases they cannot reply to you even if they wish to do so. Welcome to CM and I wish you all the best in your search for that special person.
Sep 7th 2013 new
(quote) Jerry-74383 said: Non-members can neither send nor receive messages or emotes because tney don't have accounts to send them from/to.

Unpaid members can see who sent them messages but they are unable to see the content. The same is true for emotes (they can see which emote was used, but not any text typed by the sender).

By design, it is not possible to identify which member are unpaid.

If unpaid members did not show up in search results, it is unlikely anyone would send them messages and (hopefully) encourage them to pay to read them. If you read through the success stories, you will find more than a few that started with this very sequence of events. Note that many other singles sites use essentially the same model.

I think I would prefer to know upfront that someone I initiate contact with may not be a dues paying member rather than a soul with no manners or no interest or whatever else I might conjure up as an excuse for their non-response! Surely there is some other way that will serve CM's end purpose of adding a dues paying member and still let me know that I am approaching someone who may not respond based on their economic inability or choice to lay money down and join CM. Mercy me....I feel so used! mischievous angel laughing

I do see the reasoning behind this whole approach of CM's. However, doesn't it contribute greatly to one of the biggest perplexing and confusing irritants and become the subject of one of the most frequent Forum topics?? How many members are lost...and spread the word...because of the disappointments they encounter here?? Paying members seem to ignore and excuse CM's part in this confusion, which has its root in a business decision for/by CM, and they blame some 'flaw' in the personal traits of a potential friend/match or some real or imagined 'flaw' in themselves??

I am not so nave as to believe that CM is really anything but a business whose product is advertising possible matches/dates/friends for people who might not have ordinarily 'found' each other. I have benefitted from my membership in ways other than the matching aspect and expect to continue my membership. But many members seem to be very upset and disappointed. Caveat emptor is still something that anyone who joins CM should understand, recognize and accept.

p.s. If my intended word in my last paragraph shows up as nave as it does in the 'Preview'...let it be known that "na-eeve" was the word I was trying to use!!! wink
Sep 7th 2013 new
(quote) Sheila-953093 said: I think I would prefer to know up front that someone I initiate contact with may not be a dues paying member rather than a soul with no manners or no interest or whatever else I might conjure up as an excuse for their non-response!

Sheila - I used to have your viewpoint. I've changed my mind. Here's why:

There are some on here who subscribe for a year or half-year and are active. There are some who let their subscription continue and don't use the site. There are still others who who subscribe for one month, let it lapse and then join a few months later for a month. In this light, the best basis for deciding who to engage with communication wouldn't be their payment status. The best basis would be their level of engagement of the fantastic resources available here at CM.

Rather than focus on whether someone is a dues paying member, may I suggest that you use the search engine to consider looking for someone who has been active in the last 30, 60 or 90 days? This may satisfy some of your concerns about who is more active and who is less active. As you scroll through these search options, you also will find other ways to set parameters for your search, by interest or location or other means.

(Correct me if I'm wrong, Jerry, but is it possible to search by common interest, too, like "camping" or "tennis"?)

Sheila - and maybe this is a tip for the CM marketing team - CM isn't like the other sites where you punch in a few buttons and find out quickly who is active, who isn't and whether to plunk down $20 and write someone.

CM is about interaction - relationships - friendships - and education. It's more than just a "dating site" (and I really am glad to see the CM Institute forming because the forums are sooo educational). What I have come to see is that this place isn't just interested in my money but also the education of my mind and, particularly, with regard to having quality friendships.

The Temperament Test is probably one of the best features on here because it teaches each of us to learn how to develop a quality relationship with each other.

Please try to see CM as a place that gives you more tools to make more quality friends and - if the Lord wills it - someone special in your life.

Sep 7th 2013 new
Nick, it's a crap shoot!!! You just do not know enough to draw any kind of accurate conclusion. It is all conjecture & speculation. Kind of like listening to "the evening news"...but I digress!! (LOL!)
e.g. You don't know who you are messaging - even if you do read their profiles. You don't know if they are a paying member, either. (They might have to subscribe to answer you - and in that case, they probably won't). But here again, I am speculating.....
You don't know if you might have a deal breaker for them & for that reason they don't reply. Etc, etc etc. We all do not subscribe to the same rules of etiquette so forget about making sense of any of this!!! Don't worry about anyone who doesn't respond, just keep trying your "luck" on new profiles you like!

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