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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Sep 7th 2013 new
(quote) John-727073 said:

Sheila - I used to have your viewpoint. I've changed my mind. Here's why:

There are some on here who subscribe for a year or half-year and are active. There are some who let their subscription continue and don't use the site. There are still others who who subscribe for one month, let it lapse and then join a few months later for a month. In this light, the best basis for deciding who to engage with communication wouldn't be their payment status. The best basis would be their level of engagement of the fantastic resources available here at CM.

Rather than focus on whether someone is a dues paying member, may I suggest that you use the search engine to consider looking for someone who has been active in the last 30, 60 or 90 days? This may satisfy some of your concerns about who is more active and who is less active. As you scroll through these search options, you also will find other ways to set parameters for your search, by interest or location or other means.

(Correct me if I'm wrong, Jerry, but is it possible to search by common interest, too, like "camping" or "tennis"?)

Sheila - and maybe this is a tip for the CM marketing team - CM isn't like the other sites where you punch in a few buttons and find out quickly who is active, who isn't and whether to plunk down $20 and write someone.

CM is about interaction - relationships - friendships - and education. It's more than just a "dating site" (and I really am glad to see the CM Institute forming because the forums are sooo educational). What I have come to see is that this place isn't just interested in my money but also the education of my mind and, particularly, with regard to having quality friendships.

The Temperament Test is probably one of the best features on here because it teaches each of us to learn how to develop a quality relationship with each other.

Please try to see CM as a place that gives you more tools to make more quality friends and - if the Lord wills it - someone special in your life.

John, I appreciate you responding to my post! For the most part it is 'preaching to the choir'! You have presented some ideas regarding the various membership-length choices that I was only marginally familiar with. I am about 90% at ease with maneuvering myself around the site with regards to 'searches', as well. I have been on the CM site since March 2013 and regularly check in whether I post or not. Some days/weeks I get 'on a roll'...other times I quietly read and digest. Since I am currently In Process I have 'assigned' myself to the "Friendship Only" status category. Finding a match was not my original reason for joining. It had been pointed out to me by Catholic friends and acquaintances that I might be interested in the Forums on CM. I joined and 'they' were correct....the Forums (and blogs) are of great interest to me. It has been a place to realign my thoughts and get rid of some of the cobwebs. For the most part....mission accomplished!! I have met many great people, too. So again...thank you, John.
Sep 7th 2013 new
Nick,

Great question! While I am new to this particular sight, I am not new to on-line dating. Im serious about finding someone to share my life with so have no problem as a woman to shoot an introduction email to those men I see potential with.

To leave a person hanging is just rude. If Im willing to take the time to shoot an intro email, the least they can do even if they arent interested is a polite no thanks but I wish you well or something to that extent. Rejection in any form isnt easy but at least you arent left hanging. Just my .02

Teri

Sep 7th 2013 new
(quote) Sheila-953093 said: I do see the reasoning behind this whole approach of CM's. However, doesn't it contribute greatly to one of the biggest perplexing and confusing irritants and become the subject of one of the most frequent Forum topics?? How many members are lost...and spread the word...because of the disappointments they encounter here?? Paying members seem to ignore and excuse CM's part in this confusion, which has its root in a business decision for/by CM, and they blame some 'flaw' in the personal traits of a potential friend/match or some real or imagined 'flaw' in themselves?? 

I am not so nave as to believe that CM is really anything but a business whose product is advertising possible matches/dates/friends for people who might not have ordinarily 'found' each other. I have benefitted from my membership in ways other than the matching aspect and expect to continue my membership. But many members seem to be very upset and disappointed. Caveat emptor is still something that anyone who joins CM should understand, recognize and accept.

p.s. If my intended word in my last paragraph shows up as nave as it does in the 'Preview'...let it be known that "na-eeve" was the word I was trying to use!!!

Got your point ... i ask myself why i joined CM... an honest answer is to find my possible match.. Who among us join here for a purpose of finding a match? As I've said from my previous post, we have this belief that CM stands for best single dating site for men and women, that helps single to grow in faith and fall in love... Were not literally here, to gain friends, because if gaining friends is our purpose, then we should join/ create sites that purely for friendship purposes...

I do understand too the reasons of why some here do get confused, frustrated and have some disappointments,Been confused too on my second day here, i never stop asking to get answers, but until when confusion, frustrations and disappointments will stop, maybe CM, should take a look and do some actions.

Speaking of the topic replies... got messages now saying " thank you" that i greeted them on their birthday... love the feeling that they feel appreciated that someone remember them on their special day... who knows, by just greeting them, i'll find my match.. (just kidding)..

God bless every one and good morning (here)...


Sep 7th 2013 new

There can be a million and one reasons why responses to our requests for communication go unanswered. To join the conversation, I will address the divorced / annulled question. I sympathize with those going through the pain of divorce. I know friends and family who have gone through the pain and heartbreak, so I am not here to lecture. Whether it feels right to be plunging into the dating scene or not, we still affect others with our actions.

There is a difference between a civil divorce and an annulment. If someone does not yet have a divorce finalized, they are still married in the eyes of the law and in the eyes of the Church. Being a few days or a few weeks away from the final signing of the papers does not mean that it has happened yet. Once the divorce is finalized, they are no longer married in the eyes of the civil authorities, but they are still married in the eyes of the church. With this being a Catholic site, many members do not wish to correspond with someone who is not annulled yet as they are seeking Holy Matrimony in the Catholic Church. If someone who is divorced (or only separated) does not possess an annulment they cannot be married in the Catholic Church. A lot of people on here have very deep convictions that they only want to be married in the Catholic Church. Annulments are a factor on this site, whereas they may not be as much of a barrier to responses on a secular site.

Sep 7th 2013 new
Angela.......there are many reasons. Status is one. I think another biggy are the faith beliefs. Many are not all "Yes". The usual one I see are no to contraception and premarital sex. However, it puzzles me to see NO to the Eucharist!!
Sep 7th 2013 new
Well, I'll tell you what I do. I answer it. I never can have too many friends:) That's what women who are not my girlfriend are, friends. If it gets serious, then tell the girl "no" but until then I don't see any reason not to reply just on a friendly basis.
Sep 7th 2013 new
(quote) Michael-968240 said: Well, I'll tell you what I do. I answer it. I never can have too many friends:) That's what women who are not my girlfriend are, friends. If it gets serious, then tell the girl "no" but until then I don't see any reason not to reply just on a friendly basis.
YUP...that's how I see it. I do respond to messages. It's the right thing to do. Nothing wrong with friendship. It has to start with friendship.
Sep 7th 2013 new
Nick, that is a good question. Thanks for putting it out there. I am also a new member.
In my experience to the messages i received, I was trying to decide how best to respond and really not intending to be rude. I tried to read the profile and be sensitive to how to respond- maybe I was over thinking it, but I did not want to be flip to a fellow Catholic. :-)

Good to know that even a Thank you or emotio- gram is considered a response. Live and learn...
Sep 7th 2013 new
(quote) Angela-374523 said:

 With this being a Catholic site, many members do not wish to correspond with someone who is not annulled yet as they are seeking Holy Matrimony in the Catholic Church. If someone who is divorced (or only separated) does not possess an annulment they cannot be married in the Catholic Church. A lot of people on here have very deep convictions that they only want to be married in the Catholic Church. Annulments are a factor on this site, whereas they may not be as much of a barrier to responses on a secular site.

I understand this, but.... it seems like people might be missing out on meeting a great person if they only response to those with annulments. I know in my case, the divorce is not final but will be soon enough. I will get the annulment. So, why automatically eliminate me when all that's required is a little patience. It's not like things will develop so quickly that another marriage will happen before the annulment anyway. Just my 2 cents.



Sep 7th 2013 new
Hi nick,
I always try to reply. Most of the men that write to me are out of state and long distance relationships is not something I think I'd be too good at or they are unemployed or uneducated. I know that doesn't sound nice but I am really not interested in a serious relationship in someone who is struggling and out of work or uneducated. I have dated both and it's just not for me. But to answer your question, I try and be polite and kindly decline. I have gone out of my comfort zone and written a small handful of men to say hello, ect., and have never received a response. Maybe my yes to all 7 questions is too scary for them. As you know, living your faith takes tenacity in todays society and it is a big responsibility to be Catholic and to LIVE it. Sorry if I rambled too much. Great question. God bless you!
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