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This room is for general discussion that doesn't specifically fit into one of the other CatholicMatch rooms. Topics should not be overly serious as this is to be more of a "cafe setting."

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Sep 20th 2013 new
I'd say, based on what I am reading in this thread, that I receive a lot more communication than most people. But consider, how long I have been on the site, how visible I've been (I've been active in the chats, events, forums, blogs, etc.), and how many people (current and past active members) I have met, hugged, and made part of my life.

I maintain that the more actively you use this site, the more communication you will receive. Of course, we have to send out communication. It's not really quid pro quo, but there is a relationship between the two. I wouldn't get as much as I do if I didn't also send out stuff.

I get your garden variety blank emote hellos from far, far away. I get very little local communication (not even blank emotes), not even responses to my unsolicited messages. I get out of the blue emails from newer members who see my comments and want to share something or ask a question. I get emails asking for information about the rosary call. I sometimes get emails and emotes from friends just checking in, but most of that is done off site. And every once in awhile a member from way back when arrives back on CM and sends me a note-- those are great joys!

I've learned the fine art of sending pithy messages that compel a response. I've even had a few men tell me that they had to join to read the message I sent. (I've enjoyed getting to know them, but I haven't had one of them step up and ask to meet me for a date. Those men are rare (the ones who tell me they pay up) and rarer is the man (or woman, I think) who will then meet.

The main thing I learned a long time ago is not to limit myself to only entertaining the communication with the men I consider possible as my husband. I've met fabulous friends this way while we all search for our spouse.
Sep 20th 2013 new
I think it depends on one's approach to being here on CM, and what one is trying to gain from it. I try to take a community approach, making friends through the forums and by attending CM events, and maybe something develops from there, as opposed to making a lot of random contacts with complete strangers. In the past month, I've had some form of contact with 16 people here, 15 lady's handkerchief and one knight-errant . Fourteen I've either gotten to know from the forums, or have met through events. A couple I've met more than once offline. One was a random chat request from somebody from a foreign country who never even browsed my profile, which I declined. The last one was an attempt by me to initiate contact with a lady from a city that I plan to move to in the future, who sadly neither browsed back or replied, and then pulled her profile down a week later. Such is life online.
Sep 20th 2013 new
Through the forums mostly I have met great people,men and women that I swap emotes and messages with
as friends.There have been 18 different people in this past month that I have asked advice of,had a joke with ,written to when I have felt kind of lonely or unsure and others catching up with.It has been lovely exchanging prayer support also.It warms my heart to have such friendship and support here. smile
Sep 20th 2013 new
I do talk on the phone and FaceTime ?! What everyone afraid of we WOMEN don't bite...well maybe some CATTY ones do I am not too sure but got a MEOW from one in another forum ouch feisty...in her points! Not giving her opinion in good light and tone... in these times us Catholic should think about friendship with each and everyone here together stop talking about others outside and focus on building a strong bond together and spreading our joy and faith. We first all have to learn to get along and demonstrate that here before going out in the World and spreading the good news?! THANKS BE TO GOD
Sep 20th 2013 new
(quote) Chris-906154 said: All this business about phantom people not answering messages has got me to thinking. I like being nosy, so I'll take a little poll- on average, how many different people send you emotes/messages per month, not counting interview answers? Subject or sender doesn't matter, it can even be guy-to-guy talk. I'm guessing from anectodal evidence that women get more people bothering them then men do.

I think I run at about 2.5+ people a month; might be 3 if you include the usual 'welcome' messages that drift in when you first sign up.

Nothing like an unscientific poll when you have nothing better to do.
Chris I have had the same experience as you have.
Sep 20th 2013 new
Hmm, I don't get what others report here.

One thing that I notice is that MOST members do not read carefully other people's profiles they are curious about. Also, do not waste time with profiles that are glaring with obvious IMPEDIMENTS to marriage (one example is those not 7/7). One of the obvious things to look for (perhaps it should always be first) is the "ACTIVE IN THE last week", month, etc, time frame of the person. If you don't see that ACTIVE status, then they are not an active member. This should give the viewer a clear clue of whether to attempt contact with a non-member or past member who has discontinued membership.

This may sound harsh to some, but it is just the near ABSOLUTE PLAIN TRUTH: if you are writing to a non-member, it is 99% certain that it is not God that leads, but YOU. God, is patiently watching though. He asks, do you know how to read and understand? God will not lead to someone who chooses not to be "here" for you to encounter :)
,br> I have had 117 different person contacts in the last four months; 104 women and 13 men, I have had less than 28 persons not respond to an initial e-mail. I have sent out less than 150 initial messages. I don't send e-mails to non-members. This is an average of about 29 separate contacts per month. But in perfect honesty, half were in the first month.

God has focused me in the past month most particularly. I hope and pray daily for the woman that God is leading me to get to know better. Ultimately, I pray daily, that I discern well the will of God. What happens, happens because God so desires it.

I happen to think that it is not the right thing for the man to do the choosing hence pursuing. I think instead that what a man in this virtual world needs to do is walk in God's footsteps (keeping one's gaze on God) and women will naturally be encountered along the way. Some will hang around for a time, walking with the man also AND EVENTUALLY, both will notice if the two suddenly are on a common journey, perfectly content as companions... helping each other stay on the true path. This way, I envision an eventual and natural triple "yes".

Ask yourself: am I doing my best for God? He will provide the opportunity for the rest as He sees best. If you stray, once realized, STOP. Turn back to God.

Think Godly, not selfishly... and read the profiles carefully :)
Sep 22nd 2013 new
(quote) John-971967 said: I don't send e-mails to non-members. 






Hi John

Hope you wouldn't mind me asking... you said that you don't send e-mails to non-members, how would i know if the person is non-member or active? I do read profiles everyday.. there's one gent said on his profile that he can't read/send messages, is he a non-member?
With my experience in other sites, there's an option or at least you'll have an idea if the person is just a standard member or not.. How bout here? any options .. would like to know..

thanks and God bless
Sep 22nd 2013 new
(quote) Rizavilla-990068 said: Hi John

Hope you wouldn't mind me asking... you said that you don't send e-mails to non-members, how would i know if the person is non-member or active? I do read profiles everyday.. there's one gent said on his profile that he can't read/send messages, is he a non-member?
With my experience in other sites, there's an option or at least you'll have an idea if the person is just a standard member or not.. How bout here? any options .. would like to know..

thanks and God bless
There is no way to know for certain just by looking at someone's profile whether or not they are a paid member. There are, however, some clues to make a guess. If you see someone posting in the forums (other than Community Help) or participating in the chat rooms, they are a paid member, at least as of the time of their post. One of John's points I think was that if you look to see when they were last active, and if it was more than a few weeks or a month ago, they probably are not a paid member, or I'd say at least not seriously looking... but that doesn't mean they might not respond if they get a message from somebody, its just that the odds are very much against it, or you have better odds or getting a reply by contacting somebody who logs in regularly.

One of the caveats of this, and really any dating site, is that people lose interest, or maybe get into a relationship, but they leave their profiles up. I know its frustrating for members, especially new members, who come here with the expectation that every profile they see is somebody who is in the same place, actively seeking at this very moment. Sadly, this just isn't the case.

One final thought... we hear a lot "if only there was a way to tell the paying members from the non-members". The however to that is just because you know somebody is a paying member is no certainty that you'll get a response from them, nor is it a given that just because somebody is not a paying member that you won't get a reply... they might just be on the fence about rejoining, and it may be your contact that gets them to ante up and do so. Main lesson is: don't take it personally if somebody doesn't reply, because you don't really know what is going on in their life at this point in time.


Sep 22nd 2013 new
(quote) John-971967 said: God has focused me in the past month most particularly. I hope and pray daily for the woman that God is leading me to get to know better. Ultimately, I pray daily, that I discern well the will of God. What happens, happens because God so desires it.

I happen to think that it is not the right thing for the man to do the choosing hence pursuing. I think instead that what a man in this virtual world needs to do is walk in God's footsteps (keeping one's gaze on God) and women will naturally be encountered along the way. Some will hang around for a time, walking with the man also AND EVENTUALLY, both will notice if the two suddenly are on a common journey, perfectly content as companions... helping each other stay on the true path. This way, I envision an eventual and natural triple "yes".
John, My conviction is that with this kind of attitude and approach to finding your next wife, you will be successful. God bless you.
Sep 22nd 2013 new
(quote) John-971967 said: God has focused me in the past month most particularly. I hope and pray daily for the woman that God is leading me to get to know better. Ultimately, I pray daily, that I discern well the will of God. What happens, happens because God so desires it.

I happen to think that it is not the right thing for the man to do the choosing hence pursuing. I think instead that what a man in this virtual world needs to do is walk in God's footsteps (keeping one's gaze on God) and women will naturally be encountered along the way. Some will hang around for a time, walking with the man also AND EVENTUALLY, both will notice if the two suddenly are on a common journey, perfectly content as companions... helping each other stay on the true path. This way, I envision an eventual and natural triple "yes".
John, My conviction is that with this kind of attitude and approach to finding your next wife, you will be successful. God bless you.
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