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This room is for general discussion that doesn't specifically fit into one of the other CatholicMatch rooms. Topics should not be overly serious as this is to be more of a "cafe setting."

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Sep 22nd 2013 new
(quote) Michael-76823 said: There is no way to know for certain just by looking at someone's profile whether or not they are a paid member. There are, however, some clues to make a guess. If you see someone posting in the forums (other than Community Help) or participating in the chat rooms, they are a paid member, at least as of the time of their post. One of John's points I think was that if you look to see when they were last active, and if it was more than a few weeks or a month ago, they probably are not a paid member, or I'd say at least not seriously looking... but that doesn't mean they might not respond if they get a message from somebody, its just that the odds are very much against it, or you have better odds or getting a reply by contacting somebody who logs in regularly.

One of the caveats of this, and really any dating site, is that people lose interest, or maybe get into a relationship, but they leave their profiles up. I know its frustrating for members, especially new members, who come here with the expectation that every profile they see is somebody who is in the same place, actively seeking at this very moment. Sadly, this just isn't the case.

One final thought... we hear a lot "if only there was a way to tell the paying members from the non-members". The however to that is just because you know somebody is a paying member is no certainty that you'll get a response from them, nor is it a given that just because somebody is not a paying member that you won't get a reply... they might just be on the fence about rejoining, and it may be your contact that gets them to ante up and do so. Main lesson is: don't take it personally if somebody doesn't reply, because you don't really know what is going on in their life at this point in time.


Michael,

I think persons need to take at face value the data (or lack thereof) that comes with every profile. You are not alone in making presumptions in regards to the non "ACTIVE" status. Many have convinced themselves or are convinced by flawed posts by others of similar things that you write about; It's mostly not true. Do not take my words too harshly, I think your heart is in the right place, but you don't have clarity. I will address the "why" in a following post.

Perhaps getting a "help ticket" answer from the staff written by someone who doubts my reasoning but wants to get to the bottom of it may clear much of this up. Clarity is good :)

In defense of site management and the mods, it is not their job to scrub postings of falsehoods.

Michael, what I write below is not directed at you, let me be clear about that. Ok? It's just me getting on my soapbox...

I admit, I get tired of the blind leading the blind here. It is just me as I have seen all kinds of diversions (blind men and women) cross my path, sometimes taking me with them.

Have we ever physically followed a blind person to live like they do? Often, they are deaf too. What do we discern? We appreciate the gift of sight (and hearing) more, don't we?!

Ok, but have we followed a spiritually blind person? This is much, much, much more of a concern. We must ask ourselves often: where will this get me/us?

We must follow the teachings and the Light left by Christ; The Vicar of Christ is the portal, directed to Mary, who in turn directs us to Christ. The Vicar designates the Magisterium to safeguard and preserve the full deposit of the true faith for the Church and all humanity. However, we must will it, follow it... baptism, communion, confession, reparation (penance, penance, penance), confirmation and never cease in our desire to be with Christ lest he know us not...
Sep 22nd 2013 new
(quote) Rizavilla-990068 said: Hi John

Hope you wouldn't mind me asking... you said that you don't send e-mails to non-members, how would i know if the person is non-member or active? I do read profiles everyday.. there's one gent said on his profile that he can't read/send messages, is he a non-member?
With my experience in other sites, there's an option or at least you'll have an idea if the person is just a standard member or not.. How bout here? any options .. would like to know..

thanks and God bless
Hi Rizavilla!

Thanks for the question.

When reading a profile, go to the QUICK VIEW part at the top left of the profile. In there you will find the following summary of AGE, LOCATION, MARITAL STATUS, FAITH QUESTIONS, ACTIVE, and SITE ACTIVITIES.

If this "Quick View" part clearly has missing the word ACTIVE, it has been my experience (without exception) that the person is not an ACTIVE member. I pick up details quickly :)

If the word ACTIVE is there, then clearly pay attention to what the active status says. It will either say "Active within a week, month, etc" but it can also indicate different things also... like a person being on vacation, in a relationship, engaged, etc... It is important to clearly note the status and behave accordingly.

So again, if the person does not have a paid membership, the word ACTIVE does not appear there at all.

But like Michael did say correctly, some persons are paid up for months, if not an entire year, but have given up on the site. Those persons will indicate a status of ACTIVE within but a way out there time frame... and why write to someone like that?

I only write to persons who have been active within the week, which I don't do often anyway. Mostly, women contact me, for whatever reason.
Sep 22nd 2013 new
theheart theheart theheart Hmmm... I'd say about 2 per week that =8 + per month. I reply and of course most are not for me for various reasons which I won't write. Not being picky, just being practical and Catholic! :) :)
Sep 22nd 2013 new
(quote) John-971967 said: Hi Rizavilla!

Thanks for the question.

When reading a profile, go to the QUICK VIEW part at the top left of the profile. In there you will find the following summary of AGE, LOCATION, MARITAL STATUS, FAITH QUESTIONS, ACTIVE, and SITE ACTIVITIES.

If this "Quick View" part clearly has missing the word ACTIVE, it has been my experience (without exception) that the person is not an ACTIVE member. I pick up details quickly :)

If the word ACTIVE is there, then clearly pay attention to what the active status says. It will either say "Active within a week, month, etc" but it can also indicate different things also... like a person being on vacation, in a relationship, engaged, etc... It is important to clearly note the status and behave accordingly.

So again, if the person does not have a paid membership, the word ACTIVE does not appear there at all.

But like Michael did say correctly, some persons are paid up for months, if not an entire year, but have given up on the site. Those persons will indicate a status of ACTIVE within but a way out there time frame... and why write to someone like that?

I only write to persons who have been active within the week, which I don't do often anyway. Mostly, women contact me, for whatever reason.

Thanks for the response John.. smile

After reading your reply... i viewed profiles today.. out of 1000 online (including those new). I look for the word 'ACTIVE" for those 40 profiles that i viewed, i notice most of them are "ACTIVE WITHIN A WEEK' only one who's ACTIVE WITHIN A MONTH... . Most too are looking for a partner based on their answers on IDEAL MATCH, one is seeking for FRIENDSHIP and the other is AFRAID because some of his friends says that CATHOLIC ARE CLOSED MINDED... There are active but don't have profile picture ..

At least now, i have an idea, on what to do just in case i'll view and read other profiles here.. Great help for me and to those new here...

Thanks so much again, for your time too... God bless you..
Sep 22nd 2013 new
(quote) Michael-76823 said:  Main lesson is: don't take it personally if somebody doesn't reply, because you don't really know what is going on in their life at this point in time.


Yup and i will... And i know that we cannot please everyone here... if someone block me for a simple birthday greeting, instead of worrying , i should include that person in my prayers, maybe he has some concern in his life... If somebody doesn't reply... shouldn't dwell on "why" but rather move on , enjoy every moment that am here and keep on discerning for God's guidance...

Thanks Michael and God bless...
Sep 23rd 2013 new
(quote) Rizavilla-990068 said: Yup and i will... And i know that we cannot please everyone here... if someone block me for a simple birthday greeting, instead of worrying , i should include that person in my prayers, maybe he has some concern in his life... If somebody doesn't reply... shouldn't dwell on "why" but rather move on , enjoy every moment that am here and keep on discerning for God's guidance...

Thanks Michael and God bless...
This is a great attitude!

And after again reading Michael's response to you, I realize that I was too harsh to him. My apology Michael. I must have stuck in my mind the point that we can't know one's status and thus did not comprehend some of the other stuff you said correctly. After a second reading, Michael did make some good points. The most pertinent ones are those that give more insight for various reasons that persons stay on "ACTIVE" status but really are not participating on the site. Those are hard to quantify. That is why I focus on the more obvious and recent and don't sweat the others. It does improve the chances for two-way communication.
Sep 23rd 2013 new
I really don't keep counts or tallies. However, anyone who is a nice guy with manors, sense of humor and positive attitude is always welcomed to send me a message!
Sep 23rd 2013 new
Elizabeth , would it be just as Catholic to reply in a positive or negative manner. why leave the person hanging, a reply in either manner is just doing the right thing and really does not take long to do.
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