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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Oct 2nd 2013 new
I am not againist a woman writing a man first. But yes men should intitate the first contact and when we do we need to put some thought into our message and introduction. We just need to hit on a few points of interest on the women's profile and tell her how we can fulfill that for them and take care of it and be honest and say what we want. While also being careful not to give the women too much information at 1 time, because then they can get bored or scared instead of letting things develop

Mark
Oct 2nd 2013 new
John,
Maybe I'm just cheesy but personally a guy would get my attention if he were to ask me something about what he took away from last Sunday's homily, or even today's if he attends daily mass. It's not something most guys think to ask or comment on... but I, personally, get bored with small talk really easily.
Oct 2nd 2013 new
(quote) Jessica-844048 said: John,
Maybe I'm just cheesy but personally a guy would get my attention if he were to ask me something about what he took away from last Sunday's homily, or even today's if he attends daily mass. It's not something most guys think to ask or comment on... but I, personally, get bored with small talk really easily.
Jessica, that's a terrific idea! clapI would love that approach. Let's make it about God. faint
Oct 2nd 2013 new
(quote) Jessica-844048 said: John,
Maybe I'm just cheesy but personally a guy would get my attention if he were to ask me something about what he took away from last Sunday's homily, or even today's if he attends daily mass. It's not something most guys think to ask or comment on... but I, personally, get bored with small talk really easily.
That makes sense. :)
Oct 2nd 2013 new
(quote) Sheila-953093 said:  I agree that men should be the pursuer they don't read minds!! Giving them a hint isn't against the rules
Some really great "out of the box" thinking ..and some Great Responses! So glad to see that! biggrin Greeting each other, Talking, Asking questions, etc.etc., is not Pursuing.. it's getting to know each other and the basic building blocks of a possible Friendship and more. Praying
Oct 3rd 2013 new
That is really what it should be! Developing a friendship. And yes....comments on Sunday scripture or something written in the profile are excellent openers!
Oct 3rd 2013 new
(quote) Dawn-58330 said: Katie, in theory I agree with you and your priest. Almost all of my knowledge of online success on CM has supported this, too.

But I think some clarification needs to be made about "contact." There is a difference between saying hello and being gracious, and asking to begin writing to each other and being forward.

A) It's quite alright for women to send emotigrams that encourage and lift up the men. Some examples of this are:
-- I like your pictures of the sunset and the little children. You look like a fun uncle.
-- Thank you for your terrific posts in the forum supporting the dignity of men and women.
-- Sorry to hear your Reds team lost. Better luck next year-- enjoy a beer on me. Hope it helps.
-- I'm keeping your mother in my prayers. I'm sorry to read that she is ill in the hospital.

B) On the other side of the spectrum, I don't think things work very well when a woman begins with chasing a man who has not decided he is interested in her. For example:
-- I see we live a half hour apart. We should meet for coffee sometime.
-- We have SO much in common. We might be a match. Are you open to communicating?
-- You're a handsome man. I bet you won't be here for long- at least, not if I have something to say about it.
-- How was your day? I'm wishing you all the best, and hope to hear from you.

There is a vast difference between these two categories. The first group effectively gets your face and profile in front of the man (something we have to do online-- a kind of artificial bumping into each other in a public place.) Those examples express no expectations, offer goodwill, have substance, and build up both parties. They do give the gentleman an opening to starting a conversation, if he wishes. If he does not, a simple "thank you" will be enough-- it won't feel like rejection (because a woman hasn't asked something of him) and she will know when he doesn't pursue that he isn't interested.

The second group puts a gentleman and lady in tough spots. For him, if he is a gentleman, he must respond whether he is interested or not. Right there is her problem. She has no idea if, when a gentleman responds, he is interested in getting to know her or being polite in responding. If he is not a gentleman in the first place, he will probably respond because he then does not have to do any work. She now has both roles as lady and gentleman, but doesn't know that. She will confuse his responses with that of a gentleman. Also, the second group has a good chance of leaving her feeling rejected.

Basically it comes down to your personal preference, Katie. What kind of woman do you want to be in relationship with what kind of man? For me, I have decided that I desire a man who has confidence to approach me, knows his own heart and mind, and will speak up about it. I want to be a woman open to communication that leaves people feeling esteemed and free. I have high standards for myself, and for my future husband. To a certain degree, who we are early in a relationship is who we will be later in the relationship.

It took me awhile to learn the fine art of "dropping the hanky." It's a subtle art, but it does work and it has come to feel the most natural way for me to interact with men. Be kind, open, generous, and complimentary. Some attention to a man you are interested in is very good-- we need to give them ideas sometimes. Just let him decide to pursue you.
I definitely think this is a wonderful post. I suspect it is almost entirely correct. I think it is probably true that a relationship is more likely to work out if the man is the one who is the initial pursuer. Men and women are constituted differently, and men are 'built' to be pursuers and women to be pursued. However, I'm far from convinced that a man would ever have too much luck if his initial message was anything like the 'type B' messages. This speaks to a slightly broader point. I think women dramatically underestimate the difficulty men have on here (and elsewhere in the dating arena). The odds of any interest being reciprocated are truly miniscule. Response rates are ridiculously, ridiculously low. When women begin to make the small initial steps of 'dropping the hankie', so to speak, they should expect overwhelming failure - just the same as men. This is simply because of the nature of the medium, but I think women in particular underappreciate it. So the take away, in brief, is this: be prepared to drop LOTS of hankies! Good luck!


Oct 3rd 2013 new
(quote) Katie-1010240 said: Hi! I'm new to this site, so I wanted to ask everyone what you thought about the following...

A priest friend of mine, who suggested I join the site, told me that I (as a woman) should never write first to a CM guy I'm interested in; I should always let him reach out first and begin conversations. Fr's thought process is the same as mine -- men are created to pursue, women are created to be pursued. I certainly don't want to appear forward, so I haven't reached out to anyone who hasn't reached out to me first.

Still, Fr. has never seen the site format, so he doesn't really know how Catholic Match is set up -- the interview questions, etc. I guess what I'm wondering is if it's fine to fill out a guy's interview questions if you're interested in him? Is it ok to send him a kind message, commenting on something in his profile? Or is that too forward?

Thoughts? Thanks!

NONSENSE!!! We joined this site to meet someone. How can we know if a woman is interested in us (especially if she lives out of the area) UNLESS she tells us? How???

This silliness about men pursuing is a stupid rule that will keep you sidelined and limit your chances. If you like someone, approach him!!
Oct 3rd 2013 new
Dropping the hanky! I like it. I was thinking about this this very morning. God works in mysterious ways, eh?

Oct 3rd 2013 new
(quote) Leanne-387609 said: Dropping the hanky! I like it. I was thinking about this this very morning. God works in mysterious ways, eh?

Don't drop it, wave it while saying "Yoo hoo, come on over here because I like the look of you!"
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