Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Oct 4th 2013 new
To be blunt....NONSENSE.
Men can be just as shy as women.
It's flattering to be approached by someone who may be interested in you, regardless of sex.
It cost you nothing but 1-2 minutes to do someone's interview. Big deal.
Somebody has to start somewhere or nothing's going to happen at all...which is why people complain that nothing happens on sites like this.

THERE ARE NO RULES!!!!!! DO IT.

(And just between us, what does a priest know about courting?) rolling eyes
Oct 4th 2013 new
YES.
And -- you guys need to respond when the ladies do it. eyebrow
Oct 4th 2013 new
Sure. Why not?
Oct 4th 2013 new

Its okay to send messages to men, as long as its not flirty or asking favors a simple "hi " won't harm them...



Oct 4th 2013 new
(quote) Ben-987152 said: ...a confident girl is attractive to us guys also :).
I have heard this a million times, but I am not convinced.
Oct 4th 2013 new
For a long time I used to think that no. That woman should wait until a man approaches her. What I think now, is that woman want to know a man shows genuine, sincere, interest in them, in who we are and I bet mmen too. Specially in online dating, that a man writes you first does not mean he will follow through, that he will be consistent, that you are the only person he is contacting or that you will see he shares your core values, that he is genuinely interested in you as a person and treasures you as you get to know him/her. I can think of a great marriage made on online dating when the woman wrote first and from the pictures they post they are radiant and joyful, in their late 30s and early 40s. I can also think of two Godly marriages in my near family where the woman "chased" the man until he caught her. And they have truly had and the other still having marriages I wish mine was like that one. I am not saying a woman has to go after a man if he disrespects her, if he states he is not interested in you. NO, certainly not. But when you see a profile and you see many similarities and common things, I see nothing wrong about it. I truly believe it is about two people finding each other, choosing to love each other, and wanting to walk together towards God and Heaven as one. Praying we all find what our hearts desire. Praying
Oct 4th 2013 new
(quote) Katie-1010240 said: Hi! I'm new to this site, so I wanted to ask everyone what you thought about the following...

A priest friend of mine, who suggested I join the site, told me that I (as a woman) should never write first to a CM guy I'm interested in; I should always let him reach out first and begin conversations. Fr's thought process is the same as mine -- men are created to pursue, women are created to be pursued. I certainly don't want to appear forward, so I haven't reached out to anyone who hasn't reached out to me first.

Still, Fr. has never seen the site format, so he doesn't really know how Catholic Match is set up -- the interview questions, etc. I guess what I'm wondering is if it's fine to fill out a guy's interview questions if you're interested in him? Is it ok to send him a kind message, commenting on something in his profile? Or is that too forward?

Thoughts? Thanks!
Welcome, Katie!! I think you will receive many responses on both sides of this question.

As one who has recently started a relationship with a woman I met here, after she made initial contact, I can only say that I believe a woman SHOULD make the first contact if she feels strongly about someone. There are so many great people here, but THE ONE may not be appearing in a fellow's search results for one reason or another. I never would have found this person, who has a lot of things in common with me and is turning into a great friend and blessing to me (as a new Catholic), on my own searching. She is out of state, and I was limiting my search to FL only.

Turns out, she is originally from the parish in FL where I became Catholic. She searched guys in her hometown here in FL, and found me. She contacted me after reading my profile and recognizing the background in one of my photos as being from her home church. I never would have searched for someone in the state where she resides. :-)

After her initial contact, I chose to pursue. :-) And I'm still pursuing. :-) :-)

So...my thought is, send messages to the most special few guys you find. Use the forums so that people can see into your personality a bit. This place is a community...for better or for worse...but active use of the forums is a blessing and provides many opportunities to grow and learn.

Welcome to the site!


Blessings,

Michael
Oct 5th 2013 new
(quote) Christopher-994140 said: Give it the old, hey lets read the song of the songs together and talk about it, there's a conversation starter :P
That's too funny!!!!! I think I would save that for date 3 or 4. biggrin
Oct 5th 2013 new
(quote) Dawn-58330 said: Katie, in theory I agree with you and your priest. Almost all of my knowledge of online success on CM has supported this, too.

But I think some clarification needs to be made about "contact." There is a difference between saying hello and being gracious, and asking to begin writing to each other and being forward.

A) It's quite alright for women to send emotigrams that encourage and lift up the men. Some examples of this are:
-- I like your pictures of the sunset and the little children. You look like a fun uncle.
-- Thank you for your terrific posts in the forum supporting the dignity of men and women.
-- Sorry to hear your Reds team lost. Better luck next year-- enjoy a beer on me. Hope it helps.
-- I'm keeping your mother in my prayers. I'm sorry to read that she is ill in the hospital.

B) On the other side of the spectrum, I don't think things work very well when a woman begins with chasing a man who has not decided he is interested in her. For example:
-- I see we live a half hour apart. We should meet for coffee sometime.
-- We have SO much in common. We might be a match. Are you open to communicating?
-- You're a handsome man. I bet you won't be here for long- at least, not if I have something to say about it.
-- How was your day? I'm wishing you all the best, and hope to hear from you.

There is a vast difference between these two categories. The first group effectively gets your face and profile in front of the man (something we have to do online-- a kind of artificial bumping into each other in a public place.) Those examples express no expectations, offer goodwill, have substance, and build up both parties. They do give the gentleman an opening to starting a conversation, if he wishes. If he does not, a simple "thank you" will be enough-- it won't feel like rejection (because a woman hasn't asked something of him) and she will know when he doesn't pursue that he isn't interested.

The second group puts a gentleman and lady in tough spots. For him, if he is a gentleman, he must respond whether he is interested or not. Right there is her problem. She has no idea if, when a gentleman responds, he is interested in getting to know her or being polite in responding. If he is not a gentleman in the first place, he will probably respond because he then does not have to do any work. She now has both roles as lady and gentleman, but doesn't know that. She will confuse his responses with that of a gentleman. Also, the second group has a good chance of leaving her feeling rejected.

Basically it comes down to your personal preference, Katie. What kind of woman do you want to be in relationship with what kind of man? For me, I have decided that I desire a man who has confidence to approach me, knows his own heart and mind, and will speak up about it. I want to be a woman open to communication that leaves people feeling esteemed and free. I have high standards for myself, and for my future husband. To a certain degree, who we are early in a relationship is who we will be later in the relationship.

It took me awhile to learn the fine art of "dropping the hanky." It's a subtle art, but it does work and it has come to feel the most natural way for me to interact with men. Be kind, open, generous, and complimentary. Some attention to a man you are interested in is very good-- we need to give them ideas sometimes. Just let him decide to pursue you.
B) On the other side of the spectrum, I don't think things work very well when a woman begins with chasing a man who has not decided he is interested in her. For example:
-- I see we live a half hour apart. We should meet for coffee sometime.
-- We have SO much in common. We might be a match. Are you open to communicating?
-- You're a handsome man. I bet you won't be here for long- at least, not if I have something to say about it.
-- How was your day? I'm wishing you all the best, and hope to hear from you.

There is a vast difference between these two categories. The first group effectively gets your face and profile in front of the man (something we have to do online-- a kind of artificial bumping into each other in a public place.) Those examples express no expectations, offer goodwill, have substance, and build up both parties. They do give the gentleman an opening to starting a conversation, if he wishes. If he does not, a simple "thank you" will be enough-- it won't feel like rejection (because a woman hasn't asked something of him) and she will know when he doesn't pursue that he isn't interested.

The second group puts a gentleman and lady in tough spots. For him, if he is a gentleman, he must respond whether he is interested or not. Right there is her problem. She has no idea if, when a gentleman responds, he is interested in getting to know her or being polite in responding. If he is not a gentleman in the first place, he will probably respond because he then does not have to do any work. She now has both roles as lady and gentleman, but doesn't know that. She will confuse his responses with that of a gentleman. Also, the second group has a good chance of leaving her feeling rejected.



Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

Ladies, take note. Dawn hit this one right on the head; it is crystal clear that she has been speaking to men about this.
Oct 5th 2013 new
(quote) Katie-1010240 said: Hi! I'm new to this site, so I wanted to ask everyone what you thought about the following...

A priest friend of mine, who suggested I join the site, told me that I (as a woman) should never write first to a CM guy I'm interested in; I should always let him reach out first and begin conversations. Fr's thought process is the same as mine -- men are created to pursue, women are created to be pursued. I certainly don't want to appear forward, so I haven't reached out to anyone who hasn't reached out to me first.

Still, Fr. has never seen the site format, so he doesn't really know how Catholic Match is set up -- the interview questions, etc. I guess what I'm wondering is if it's fine to fill out a guy's interview questions if you're interested in him? Is it ok to send him a kind message, commenting on something in his profile? Or is that too forward?

Thoughts? Thanks!
It's a great question, and one I have changed my answer to. I initially sent emotigrams and short messages to men of the first sort Dawn suggests. However, I got burned with this method in an interaction with a man who engaged me in a lengthy and emotionally deep exchange that he never intended to advance. This intense exchange, however, created a deep bond that I am still trying to overcome. I decided after this life lesson to browse men's profiles that seem interesting. CM sends the man an email to notify him that I've viewed his profile. If he is interested, he can contact me. If he's not, then I am protected from a confusing emotional exchange leading to nothing. Perhaps I am limiting myself, but I strongly believe that a man, whether shy or outgoing will not hesitate to contact a woman he is interested in.
Posts 41 - 50 of 153