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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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[add on to closed thread]

Years ago a close male single parent friend told me that my family
was awesome and the right husband would find me...........I certainly haven't made
any search a ''number one priority'' because my kids took up all my time...

others comments??
Oct 8th 2013 new
I've met several men who enjoyed my children and were kind to them. Sadly for me, none of them had any interest in me.

I have also known men who are:
a) too stingy to want to spend money on someone else's child, or
b) too proud to think of any children but their "own" (i.e., biologically), or
c) nervous or inexperienced and fearful of not knowing how to help raise the kids, or
d) too selfish to want to share the mother's attention.

.
Oct 8th 2013 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said: I've met several men who enjoyed my children and were kind to them. Sadly for me, none of them had any interest in me.

I have also known men who are:
a) too stingy to want to spend money on someone else's child, or
b) too proud to think of any children but their "own" (i.e., biologically), or
c) nervous or inexperienced and fearful of not knowing how to help raise the kids, or
d) too selfish to want to share the mother's attention.

.
Marge, I often wonder when I read profiles of men who have a list of interests a mile long, for every season, indoors and out, are healthy eaters, have a regular fitness routine, maintain their intellectual pursuits, etc, and are looking for a woman to keep up with them AND want to have a family. It's just not reality. Kids take your time, your talent and your money, whether they are bio or adopted or step. Your house is always a bit messy, something always needs to be fixed, someone always needs to be fed, and there's not a lot of "couple" time when the house is full and kids are young. Maybe as women we are more realistic about this. Just my thoughts.
Oct 8th 2013 new
(quote) Suzanne-930338 said: Marge, I often wonder when I read profiles of men who have a list of interests a mile long, for every season, indoors and out, are healthy eaters, have a regular fitness routine, maintain their intellectual pursuits, etc, and are looking for a woman to keep up with them AND want to have a family. It's just not reality. Kids take your time, your talent and your money, whether they are bio or adopted or step. Your house is always a bit messy, something always needs to be fixed, someone always needs to be fed, and there's not a lot of "couple" time when the house is full and kids are young. Maybe as women we are more realistic about this. Just my thoughts.
my life experience has certainly involved my time [by far]
to raising kids/visiting family rather than any pass times
[my career always came second so we had food to eat]
Oct 8th 2013 new
I think it is daunting, especially with 5. I mean, I'm either dealing with a guy with no kids & to bam wham become a step dad to 5 kids, wowzer! Or if the guy has kids, 2, maybe 3? Well, we are at 7-8 kids. The numbers don't bother me, but I do understand how it could be a stressful for thought laughing

But I remain hopeful...someday I'll find the perfect kind of crazy to take this all on! biggrin
Oct 9th 2013 new
A little understanding from a man who has dealt with raising a child of another man.

When I was 25 I met a young woman who had a child from a previous relationship. I welcomed her and her son into my home after the marriage her husband left her with nothing. I took her in because she had been my friend prior and I did not want her to be left on the street, I treated her son as my own. As the relationship progressed I began to care for both of them to such a degree that I thought I would need to adopt her 2 year old because in my heart he was my son. I developed a deep love with him.

One night she told me after work that or relationship was not working and she wanted to call it off. I found that while I missed her after the breakup I really missed her son. In many ways I felt like a father who was no longer able to see his child. The feeling of having my heart broken by the loss of my relationship with him has caused me to tread carefully. I find it difficult now to date most woman with children because in my heart it is difficult to face the fact that one relationship may end. The thought of having another family fall apart keeps me from perhaps walking that road again.

As single parents both men and woman have to take into consideration not on;y the effects of their own relationship with the other person but also the effects of their children's relationship with the other person as well.

I wish you all the best in finding husbands and wives.


Oct 9th 2013 new
This goes both ways. I am leery of single, never marrieds with no kids precisely because they don't have the hands-on experience. Playing with nieces and nephews and sending them home is worlds different from taking your own to the ER with a fever of 106 or changing bed linens AGAIN because the kids threw up for the third time that night. Heck, their own dad couldn't handle it and they are his. Who knows? Since I haven't printed and mailed my annulment, the point is moot.
Oct 9th 2013 new
(quote) Sam-427739 said: This goes both ways. I am leery of single, never marrieds with no kids precisely because they don't have the hands-on experience. Playing with nieces and nephews and sending them home is worlds different from taking your own to the ER with a fever of 106 or changing bed linens AGAIN because the kids threw up for the third time that night. Heck, their own dad couldn't handle it and they are his. Who knows? Since I haven't printed and mailed my annulment, the point is moot.
Time to print and mail!!
Oct 9th 2013 new
(quote) Sam-427739 said: This goes both ways. I am leery of single, never marrieds with no kids precisely because they don't have the hands-on experience. Playing with nieces and nephews and sending them home is worlds different from taking your own to the ER with a fever of 106 or changing bed linens AGAIN because the kids threw up for the third time that night. Heck, their own dad couldn't handle it and they are his. Who knows? Since I haven't printed and mailed my annulment, the point is moot.
The big question is not about the children or money or anything else. The question really boils down to can both make the sacrifices needed to make it all work. Without sacrifice, without out dealing with the suffering that will occur, without total commitment well......
Oct 9th 2013 new
(quote) Tim-734178 said: The big question is not about the children or money or anything else. The question really boils down to can both make the sacrifices needed to make it all work. Without sacrifice, without out dealing with the suffering that will occur, without total commitment well......
And I think THAT hits the nailhead for why so few dates, much less matches, occur here: sacrifice is a necessity whenever we let someone into our lives, because it's not all about "me" anymore--it's about "he/she" and "we". And, for various reasons, many people find it difficult to give up that "me" position. They may even be blind to the fact that they are being selfish. However, in a Christian relationship, that sacrifice does not have to be viewed as a thing to be suffered; it becomes a joy as we unite our lives more closely with Jesus'.
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