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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Oct 9th 2013 new
(quote) Suzanne-930338 said: Marge, I often wonder when I read profiles of men who have a list of interests a mile long, for every season, indoors and out, are healthy eaters, have a regular fitness routine, maintain their intellectual pursuits, etc, and are looking for a woman to keep up with them AND want to have a family. It's just not reality. Kids take your time, your talent and your money, whether they are bio or adopted or step. Your house is always a bit messy, something always needs to be fixed, someone always needs to be fed, and there's not a lot of "couple" time when the house is full and kids are young. Maybe as women we are more realistic about this. Just my thoughts.
I have seen so many profiles like that and it perplexes me. Some men seem to want more of an activities or adventure partner than anything else, it seems. I do understand wanting to have fun, but it strikes me as a bit unrealistic too. That kind of lifestyle won't last once kids enter the picture unless one is rich!

This isn't always the case, but profiles like that seem to focus more on fun than on piety. When I view a profile, I want to see more about how the person's character has been shaped by their religious life. It amazes me how some barely mention God at all.

As far as how children affect dating prospects, I really do think it can scare some people away. I have 2 kids, both 10+. I have men occasionally drop me notes, basically telling me how impressed they were with my profile, but even they don't seem to want to actually pursue. It's frustrating to say the least. I have no ex drama because he's not in our lives and the kids don't even remember him...but one child is severely disabled so that's probably a huge factor.

Hopefully all of us eligible women (and men!) with kids will find people willing to take a chance on us.
Oct 9th 2013 new
(quote) Meredith-364940 said: I have seen so many profiles like that and it perplexes me. Some men seem to want more of an activities or adventure partner than anything else, it seems. I do understand wanting to have fun, but it strikes me as a bit unrealistic too. That kind of lifestyle won't last once kids enter the picture unless one is rich!

This isn't always the case, but profiles like that seem to focus more on fun than on piety. When I view a profile, I want to see more about how the person's character has been shaped by their religious life. It amazes me how some barely mention God at all.

As far as how children affect dating prospects, I really do think it can scare some people away. I have 2 kids, both 10+. I have men occasionally drop me notes, basically telling me how impressed they were with my profile, but even they don't seem to want to actually pursue. It's frustrating to say the least. I have no ex drama because he's not in our lives and the kids don't even remember him...but one child is severely disabled so that's probably a huge factor.

Hopefully all of us eligible women (and men!) with kids will find people willing to take a chance on us.
I took the liberty of looking at your profile. When did you convert? Some find short term converts a risk. I suppose a simple minded and foolish young man might see your son as an issue, but we are all called to holiness. Your son is the remedy for what many lack today. Patience, kindness, the need to really love. He will impact someone's life in a grand way. That I am sure of. You are young, bright, energetic, and purdy as us southeners are accused of saying. Hang in there. He will come.
Oct 9th 2013 new
(quote) Tim-734178 said: When did you convert? 
Years ago. 2005, maybe?

I sometimes wonder if that's part of the reason. I understand the potential risk to a degree, but I've also been told that converts can make some of the best Catholics. Hopefully if someone really thought deeply about it, they'd realize that it's not my fault that I wasn't raised a Catholic but that it says a lot that I sought it out and chose it on my own. When men do contact me, it's often to say they were impressed with my conversion so hopefully the sincerity shows through in my writing.

Dealing with a severely disabled child, especially having had to do so at such a young age myself (I was still in my early 20s when he was diagnosed), can be very tough but it's also character-building. I take heart in the knowledge that God will give me all the grace I need in this ordeal. God would do the same to the brave man who marries me.

Thanks for the compliments. It means a lot. biggrin


Oct 9th 2013 new
(quote) Francis-666100 said:  I find it difficult now to date most woman with children because in my heart it is difficult to face the fact that one relationship may end. The thought of having another family fall apart keeps me from perhaps walking that road again.




Francis, thank you for sharing. I do think that my children have affected my prospects, yes, both in terms of the people willing to give me (us) a second glance, and in my own timeline and expectations within a relationship. I'm cautious about many things, and especially about introducing a man to my children who may not choose to be permanent.

To be honest, Francis, I think it would be very difficult for me to say goodbye to a man who was able to connect so well to my children. I wish you much peace and confidence on the road to finding a spouse who values the gifts you bring, as well.
Oct 9th 2013 new
(quote) Tim-734178 said: The big question is not about the children or money or anything else. The question really boils down to can both make the sacrifices needed to make it all work. Without sacrifice, without out dealing with the suffering that will occur, without total commitment well......
Tim, you are so correct. Sacrifice, or the willingness to sacrifice, is the key to having a relationship work in the long run. When I think of my dad leaving for Japan just before his 19th birthday and not knowing if he would return (he was headed for the planned invasion of Japan- instead the bombs were dropped in Japan), the care he gave his mentally and physically challenged brother, the OLD cars he drove to work so my mom would have a car at home, long hours of overtime, etc and he never complained. He always wanted the best for us. Where do we find people like that today? Today when someone sees you making a sacrifice or suffering not only do they tell you to "take care of yourself" they almost run away from you. We have a huge inability to tolerate pain.. ours and others. I do my best not to dwell on the suffering in my life and I try let it make me more compassionate, gentle, kind, patient, etc with others. But it's not easy in a culture that wants to physical, emotional, mental or spiritual pain.
Oct 9th 2013 new
Oops..... that wants "no" physical, emotional, mental or spiritual pain.
Oct 10th 2013 new
(quote) Suzanne-930338 said: Tim, you are so correct. Sacrifice, or the willingness to sacrifice, is the key to having a relationship work in the long run. When I think of my dad leaving for Japan just before his 19th birthday and not knowing if he would return (he was headed for the planned invasion of Japan- instead the bombs were dropped in Japan), the care he gave his mentally and physically challenged brother, the OLD cars he drove to work so my mom would have a car at home, long hours of overtime, etc and he never complained. He always wanted the best for us. Where do we find people like that today? Today when someone sees you making a sacrifice or suffering not only do they tell you to "take care of yourself" they almost run away from you. We have a huge inability to tolerate pain.. ours and others. I do my best not to dwell on the suffering in my life and I try let it make me more compassionate, gentle, kind, patient, etc with others. But it's not easy in a culture that wants to physical, emotional, mental or spiritual pain.
I've noticed the same thing. It's really sad.

Catholics can't be wimps. God will never give us more than we can handle, and we should learn to face obstacles with trust and grace.

I remember a story my catechism teacher once told me. A man stood outside his house, watching as it was consumed by fire. The man fell to his knees and said, "Lord, thank you!" And it wasn't just about having been spared from the fire himself, either. He knew that God could use this terrible thing to strengthen him somehow. Although he couldn't see any good in the situation at the moment, God had a plan for him and was taking care of him, and maybe he'd see down the road. I try to remember that story whenever something bad happens. That's the kind of person I want to be, and hopefully the kind of man I will marry one day. I just wish more people thought that way.
Oct 10th 2013 new
(quote) Meredith-364940 said: I've noticed the same thing. It's really sad.

Catholics can't be wimps. God will never give us more than we can handle, and we should learn to face obstacles with trust and grace.

I remember a story my catechism teacher once told me. A man stood outside his house, watching as it was consumed by fire. The man fell to his knees and said, "Lord, thank you!" And it wasn't just about having been spared from the fire himself, either. He knew that God could use this terrible thing to strengthen him somehow. Although he couldn't see any good in the situation at the moment, God had a plan for him and was taking care of him, and maybe he'd see down the road. I try to remember that story whenever something bad happens. That's the kind of person I want to be, and hopefully the kind of man I will marry one day. I just wish more people thought that way.
great story..........GBU


I was 40 when my son was diagnosed with autism.......cannot imagine
being in my early 20's...........to take on a major disability
Oct 10th 2013 new
(quote) Susan-857876 said: [add on to closed thread]

Years ago a close male single parent friend told me that my family
was awesome and the right husband would find me...........I certainly haven't made
any search a ''number one priority'' because my kids took up all my time...

others comments??

Isaiah 1:23

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

23 Your rulers are rebels
And companions of thieves;
Everyone loves a bribe
And chases after rewards.
They do not [a]defend the [b]orphan,
Nor does the widows plea come before them.theheart


Oct 10th 2013 new
(quote) Tim-734178 said: ...When did you convert? Some find short term converts a risk....
That's a very interesting thought. Why would that be?
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