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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

I am new here. I lost my husband 11 months ago after a 2 1/2 year battle with esophageal cancer. We were together for almost 30 years (married for 24). Our kids are away at college and the nest is really empty now. They talked me into adopting a rescue lab puppy in June which has been a lifesaver.

I really need to start doing some volunteer work because I have way too much time on my hands. I do go to art classes and enjoy that, but it is not enough. I am not working and would rather not, unless I found something that I love. I like to travel, but all my friends are couples. I feel like I am just wasting my life. I realize that I am still in the grieving process but it is overwhelming at times. How did you handle all of these changes? I just want my old life back. :(

Thanks,
Liz




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Oct 17 new
Hi Liz! I am sorry for your great loss. My thoughts and prayers are here for you! theheart Praying rose


Oct 17 new
Thanks Helen. The anniversary of his passing is coming up in a few weeks and it is bringing back all of the memories of the end. My daughter is taking it pretty hard but she is away at school. (About 5 hours away) I hope that she can talk to someone there. I wish I could just give her a hug.
Her brother keeps it to himself. I'm planning a luncheon for the whole family on the anniversary. I'm having a Mass in the morning and then the cemetery and lunch. I just feel like I want people to talk about him, remember his life and tell stories about him. I think it is good for the kids.

Thanks,
Liz
Oct 18 new
Hi Liz and hug hug .

My condolences on the passing of your husband. I lost my husband after a 15 month battle to brain cancer. For me, it's been over 14 years, now, but the weeks just preceding that anniversary date are always quite somber and poignant. My kids are out on their own, and I've had my share of lonely times and empty nesting the past few years. I retired from teaching in June to help care for my folks, and now the "downtime" has really become apparent. I try to keep busy with yard work, volunteer activities, and "gal-pal" events. I, too, enjoy traveling, but within the first year after my husband's death, it was obvious that travel with the group of couples friends we'd had was uncomfortable for me, and for them at times, too. I still venture out, but have found that another one or two single women make great companions for adventures. I have also gone to 3 CM Events, and enjoyed meeting and making new friends (both women and men), who can be wonderful travel pals.

Take time to adjust to this new station in life--I didn't really even come out of the numbness for a couple of years, and just mechanically went through events for awhile. Eventually it gets better. Don't rush to be back "out there". Yeah, time is passing by....I remember thinking at your age that I'd better hurry up and find another mate before I was too old and not interesting or attractive enough to meet a quality man...

Believe me, there are many ways to engage yourself: volunteering at schools, church, community centers, animal shelters, rehab centers, natural preserves, etc. There are many activities like taking lessons: dance, yoga, martial arts, cooking, weaving, organic flower/vegies, chorus, history, auto mechanics, home improvement, bird hikes . You can join travel groups: thematic travel, mission work, chaperone for high school D.C. trips, Outward Bound. Many of these things are free, and don't require you to "sign your life away on a dotted line" forever!

Glad to see you are posting in the Forum! Make friends here and at home, and look for the beauty in all the world around you on your journey to Heaven! rose





Oct 18 new
(quote) Liz-951163 said: Thanks Helen. The anniversary of his passing is coming up in a few weeks and it is bringing back all of the memories of the end. My daughter is taking it pretty hard but she is away at school. (About 5 hours away) I hope that she can talk to someone there. I wish I could just give her a hug.
Her brother keeps it to himself. I'm planning a luncheon for the whole family on the anniversary. I'm having a Mass in the morning and then the cemetery and lunch. I just feel like I want people to talk about him, remember his life and tell stories about him. I think it is good for the kids.

Thanks,
Liz
So sorry about your loss.Hope you are holding up.Your right it would really be helpful for you'll to talk about your late husband.

God's blessings and strength to you all. Praying hug
Oct 18 new
Welcome! wave

You will find many here who have walked the same path you are going down. sad Stay for a while and make friends and use your time here to discover who you are now that you are no longer Wife and Mother. hug

Don't be shy about setting up a lunch or dinner with a group of CMers in your area. I can think of several people I know who live within reasonable distance of you. And I have been known to go that far for dinner, myself. wink

Keep your expectations low: for CM, and for yourself. Grief is a long and twisted rollercoaster. Sometimes you think you're coming to the end of the ride and then you hit another 50 foot drop. eyepopping Hold on, and don't be afraid to scream. We will hear you. hug hug
Oct 18 new
hug roseI am sorry for your loss Liz. There is no right or wrong way to grieve or keep busy. Just be good to your self and if you get too tired one day just let yourself relax and do what revives your energy. Let yourself grieve in your timeline. It takes a couple of years to get your fog a bit cleared. Just love yourself and take it slowly. There may be days you will want to be around someone, there may be days you won't. It is all o k. There are times you will want to scream and cry so do it! Pray even when you don't feel like it. Spend time in front of the Eucharist, He will keep you in the palm of His hand. Perhaps volunteer to spend time with someone who is elderly or alone. You may help each other is ways you won't ever expect! We are here for you....God bless. rose Praying theheart hug hug hug
Oct 19 new
Liz,
I'm sorry for the loss of your husband. I don't think any of us that have lost a spouse really want to be here. It's a tough road--BUT--you'll walk it with your head up high and the support of all of us. I really can't add to all that has been said. Please be gentle and kind to yourself. Don't expect "closure" too soon. I really don't know what that word is supposed to mean to us. People toss it around as if it's a magical finality that cures all.

Surround yourself with people that love and support you.

Chris
Dec 14 new
Liz....I know it is hard....but you will get through it....I am praying for you.... Praying
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