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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Oct 16 new
PrayingWelcome to the forums Haley! And I applaud you in saving yourself!!! Since you are a practicing Catholic, perhaps you could suggest that you attend mass together and Eucharistic Adoration. This could tell a lot about the man. Not always but perhaps. Also, not a pleasant subject but if someone has an STD, they should ONLY be dating someone else with an STD. I say this because unless you are willing to take that chance of contracting the STD after marriage because you love him so much. Condoms do not protect one from an STD. Also, you may catch an STD through the thighs or other parts of the body, but I know this has been brought up in the forums before. There are "groups" of those with STD's that gather together and only associate with each other so as to not infect someone else. As it is none of my business who you choose, a real man would be trying not to infect you unless you are sure and discuss openly while discerning marriage. There are those that have not contracted the STD through fault of their own and I know several of them, they still must inform you ahead of time. So, when to ask, well I would say as soon as you think you are getting serious in the courtship. Before you two get too attached. Praying theheart hug
Oct 16 new
Oh Joan sad I am so sorry that happened to you. I can't imagine how you must have felt to have your trust betrayed in that way. *hug*

I sincerely hope and pray you'll find a good man, and God will help us know who we can and cannot trust. :pray:

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and advice with all of us , it is definitely an eye opener!

God bless!
Oct 16 new
(quote) Patrick-341178 said: well since you are not sexually active I dont think it is something you need to bring up right away.. first, why bring up such a personal issue right away when the courtship may not last anyways.. if it does look like it is going to last, perhaps at that point you can mention you are a virgin and plan on saving yourself for marriage.. then wait to see what he says,,, he will probably talk about his history at that point.. if he doesn't, don't pounce but just gradually increase his comfort level before he volunteers that information...if he respect your saving yourself wishes, i don't necessarily think his past is that relevant (provided he doesn't have any kids or something)... as far as a STD's, I can understand how that can be a concern, but the odds are pretty low so I wouldn't worry about that too much, but if it does really concern you, then I suppose at some point (not too soon), then just ask
Thank you Patrick for your advice :) I'm just worried that someone will lie to me about those kind of things, it's so hard to tell nowadays who's trustworthy and who isn't. And I'm a little bit too trusting too, so it probably doesn't help haha.

God bless!
Oct 16 new
(quote) Jane-933948 said: Welcome to the forums Haley! And I applaud you in saving yourself!!! Since you are a practicing Catholic, perhaps you could suggest that you attend mass together and Eucharistic Adoration. This could tell a lot about the man. Not always but perhaps. Also, not a pleasant subject but if someone has an STD, they should ONLY be dating someone else with an STD. I say this because unless you are willing to take that chance of contracting the STD after marriage because you love him so much. Condoms do not protect one from an STD. Also, you may catch an STD through the thighs or other parts of the body, but I know this has been brought up in the forums before. There are "groups" of those with STD's that gather together and only associate with each other so as to not infect someone else. As it is none of my business who you choose, a real man would be trying not to infect you unless you are sure and discuss openly while discerning marriage. There are those that have not contracted the STD through fault of their own and I know several of them, they still must inform you ahead of time. So, when to ask, well I would say as soon as you think you are getting serious in the courtship. Before you two get too attached.
Thank you sweet Jane for the advice! *hug*

i really like the idea of people with STDs only being with those who have it or at least let the person they see a future with know they have them.

God bless!:)
Oct 16 new
(quote) Haley-1019327 said: Rather is there a right time to ask someone if they're sexually active?
I just curious....why would you have to ask in the first place. Is it because they a "no" to pre-marital sex marked on their profile?
Oct 16 new
(quote) Johnny-975202 said: I just curious....why would you have to ask in the first place. Is it because they a "no" to pre-marital sex marked on their profile?
Hi Johnny!

I had an incident last night with someone while talking on the phone, my mom asked the man if he was sexually active because she believes that you should be able to ask that question and if the guy gets scared off then he isn't worth the time (plus she is protective of her little girl hahah). Don't get me wrong, I most certainly appreciate my mom asking him now that the embarrassment has subsided because I found some things about him that i wouldn't have as soon.
Just felt like it was a little bit too soon to ask.

But it got me thinking "when would be the right time to ask a guy ?"
It got my gears turning and though the pre-marital question on the profiles are helpful, what happens if I meet someone that isn't on this site, how could I know?

Oct 16 new
I would NOT ask.
1. Not my business until I have an emotional claim on him.
2. If I have an emotional claim on him, I'm hoping he would "forsake all others" in favor of me.
3. Before the wedding I would insist on a full physical and blood tests for both of us.
Oct 16 new
Any man liable to be interested in me is old enough to have been around the block a time or two (c'est la vie, for my generation). If he has not, I will be very greatful.
Oct 16 new
Haley,

It makes sense. Out in the jungle, ya just never know. I would probably be asking the same thing your mom did. I am VERY protective of my daughter. In fact, I would probably have just taken the phone, pull him through it, and watch his expression as I ask him the question. laughing laughing laughing I just kill myself sometimes! laughing laughing laughing
Oct 16 new
laughing laughing that is a good one Johnny, perhaps I will recommend for my dad and mom to try it out on the next guy I like laughing laughing
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