Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Oct 16th 2013 new
theheart theheart theheart theheart Hi Dave,
I can't say it any better. I am only into chaste relationships but if we were serious I would want to know everything "that I needed to" about his sexual history". I think once you find out how they feel about premarital sex "now", that will tell you volumes.
Oct 16th 2013 new
(quote) Kathy-730470 said: If you have to hire a private investigator then your marriage is doomed from the start. You shouldn't be getting married.
Trust is the most important thing in a relationship, you are entrusting all your life, all you are and your kids to another human being. I do not think that getting a detective would mean there is 100% trust. I have enough with chasing after some students. faint
Oct 16th 2013 new
Hi Haley, great question.

Personally, I wished to put all my mis-adventures from my 20's (and earlier) behind me before I joined CM. But your question is so very vital. I will only say, if - and maybe only if - a seriously sexual moment occurs (on the couch watching a movie - at your apartment, or his, in the midst of a lonely weekend - after a long day at the beach in swim clothes), I would make it a bright-line rule - he wears a condom. Period. I (we) didn't so much worry about this in the 70's. I would be positively frightened today.

I may get dis-invited from the CM forums (fora?) for this, but I believe this is critically important for every young person to consider (presumably, older, more experienced people have learned this already - but don't bet on it).

Wishing you every blessing, Doug
Oct 16th 2013 new
(quote) Doug-974859 said: Hi Haley, great question.

Personally, I wished to put all my mis-adventures from my 20's (and earlier) behind me before I joined CM. But your question is so very vital. I will only say, if - and maybe only if - a seriously sexual moment occurs (on the couch watching a movie - at your apartment, or his, in the midst of a lonely weekend - after a long day at the beach in swim clothes), I would make it a bright-line rule - he wears a condom. Period. I (we) didn't so much worry about this in the 70's. I would be positively frightened today.

I may get dis-invited from the CM forums (fora?) for this, but I believe this is critically important for every young person to consider (presumably, older, more experienced people have learned this already - but don't bet on it).

Wishing you every blessing, Doug
From a disease control perspective, she'd be better off remaining a virgin, marrying a virgin, and remaining faithful for however long they both shall live. Perhaps promiscuity is scarier now than it was in the seventies (I don't know), but she'd still have to contend with all the other risks of sex outside of marriage. Condoms never protected anyone from getting their heart broken. Quite the contrary. By making promiscuity less risky in people's minds, they allow people to use each other for sex and hurt each other much more frequently than they otherwise could and feel safe.

As for the original question, Haley. I think you should ask if you are both pretty serious about each other. Alternatively, you could just wait till then to ask him to meet your mom. wink hug God bless and stay strong. It's worth waiting! Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
Oct 16th 2013 new
I really don't know if there is a certain time frame for such questions. In my experience, once the dating and courtship has materialized to a level of mutual affection, trust, and security then I feel such topics are comfortably discussed. However, in my experience, the ladies bring it up first. I kinda like it that way though.
Oct 16th 2013 new
If you are saving yourself for marriage then there really should be no reason to ask for a hard-copy of medical records. If he has had a sexual encounters prior to your relationship, but you've decided he is the right man for you and you want to spend the rest of your life with him then there should be no reason for him to prove what he tells you. If you don't trust him enough to tell the truth about matters of health, then you don't trust him enough and you really should be rethinking the whole marriage idea.
Oct 16th 2013 new
(quote) Haley-1019327 said: Thank you Patrick for your advice :) I'm just worried that someone will lie to me about those kind of things, it's so hard to tell nowadays who's trustworthy and who isn't. And I'm a little bit too trusting too, so it probably doesn't help haha.

God bless!
Without trust a marriage can not succeed! If you're not sure if this is the man for you, then the only discussion should be around chaste dating. Once you get to the engagement and preparation for marriage there has to be trust, and an openness to the needs and desires of the other. Marriage is more then just splitting bills, and cleaning up a mess that a child may make (assuming you're fortunate enough to be blessed with children in the marriage). Marriage really is about a loving relationship between the spouses, and that has to be based on trust and open communication. So I can understand you're reluctance to trust everyone now, but why worry about if someone has STDs if you're not going to be having sex with them? If you are going to be having sex with them, and you're saving yourself for marriage then there needs to trust.
Oct 16th 2013 new
(quote) Haley-1019327 said: Hi Johnny!

I had an incident last night with someone while talking on the phone, my mom asked the man if he was sexually active because she believes that you should be able to ask that question and if the guy gets scared off then he isn't worth the time (plus she is protective of her little girl hahah). Don't get me wrong, I most certainly appreciate my mom asking him now that the embarrassment has subsided because I found some things about him that i wouldn't have as soon.
Just felt like it was a little bit too soon to ask.

But it got me thinking "when would be the right time to ask a guy ?"
It got my gears turning and though the pre-marital question on the profiles are helpful, what happens if I meet someone that isn't on this site, how could I know?

He's a brave guy ... because I would have questioned if I was going to have to date your Mom at the same time!! Just sayin!
Oct 16th 2013 new
(quote) Joseph-903200 said: Maybe ask what they feel about chastity, purity, and what sort of faith life they have.
That's certainly a good start, but it may not account for the convert. It is possible that someone was sexually active before they heard of "Theology of the Body" or before the converted to Catholicism (if they're not a cradle Catholic), etc..
Oct 17th 2013 new
(quote) Jean-504066 said: she'd be better off remaining a virgin, marrying a virgin, and remaining faithful for however long they both shall live. Perhaps promiscuity is scarier now than it was in the seventies 
Marrying a non-virgin does not necessarily imply promiscuity. There is the possibility for annulments and widow / widowers remarrying and given the fact they were married (sacramentally or otherwise) it's only natural to expect that they would have been sexually active!
Posts 31 - 40 of 125