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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Oct 17th 2013 new
(quote) Haley-1019327 said: Thank you sweet Jane for the advice! *hug*

i really like the idea of people with STDs only being with those who have it or at least let the person they see a future with know they have them.

God bless!:)
wink Thanks Haley ~ my family calls me sweet Jane wink
God bless you! Praying hug
Oct 17th 2013 new
(quote) Doug-974859 said: Hi Haley, great question.

Personally, I wished to put all my mis-adventures from my 20's (and earlier) behind me before I joined CM. But your question is so very vital. I will only say, if - and maybe only if - a seriously sexual moment occurs (on the couch watching a movie - at your apartment, or his, in the midst of a lonely weekend - after a long day at the beach in swim clothes), I would make it a bright-line rule - he wears a condom. Period. I (we) didn't so much worry about this in the 70's. I would be positively frightened today.

I may get dis-invited from the CM forums (fora?) for this, but I believe this is critically important for every young person to consider (presumably, older, more experienced people have learned this already - but don't bet on it).

Wishing you every blessing, Doug
Doug, I don't want this thread to devolve into a hurtful barrage of comments, insults or one-liners but I do feel compelled to reply to your comment. First, True chastity means not putting yourself into the situations that you mentioned, being aware of yourself, and your responses to others and your environment (I hate euphemisms but this is a co-ed forum). Second, being committed to chastity (whether you are a never married virgin, never married with past sexual partners, divorced or widowed) takes thought, work and prayer. Keeping a condom around "just in case" already puts a person in a state of sin. Please reconsider your views about the Church's teachings on pre-marital sex and contraception. We are a culture that has deteriorated due to our careless attitudes. beliefs and behaviors about God's gift to married couples- the physical marital embrace. It is up to us, the Catholic laity, to build up the Church, to be role models for our children, families, neighbors, co-workers and society. There are many fine Catholic resources available to educate yourself with, pray about it, discuss it with other men (even use the St Joachim forum). Blessings from a sister in Christ.
Oct 17th 2013 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said: I would NOT ask.
1. Not my business until I have an emotional claim on him.
2. If I have an emotional claim on him, I'm hoping he would "forsake all others" in favor of me.
3. Before the wedding I would insist on a full physical and blood tests for both of us.
Marge, your contribution makes sense to me. I'd like to add that it's not hard to tell if someone is sexually active as they'd soon begin to get frustrated with someone who's practising abstinence and may no longer find him/her attractive. Even in interactions with fellow women, if your lifestyle is different in the sense that your not sexually active, you'd notice that some of those who are active unconsciously begin to interact less with those who are different. It seems that like terms attract in this case.
Oct 17th 2013 new
(quote) Molly-688164 said:

Even if a person doesn't have a sexual history, it doesn't mean they don't have other issues that would weaken a healthy sexual relationship (i.e. lust, porn, mastxxx w/out sex...)

Finding the right spouse, for a long term, exclusive, highly mutually satisfying intimate relationship requires patience (because there are so many people looking to marry and offering themselves as marriage potentials). And also, the ability to discern who the other person really is, which takes place during 'dating'. Who are they?? Are they right for you? And who you? And are you right for them? You're each a bit of a matchmaker for the other.

A great marriage, means it's a great match, for both of you, not just one of you.
You are very right, Molly, in fact abstinence does not equal chastity and people have different views of the whole issue.
Oct 17th 2013 new

Where to begin ...

There is a thing called TMI or too much information. I don't need to know if my boss, my neighbor, the bank teller or any stranger is practicing chastity. Prying into the private matters of others for titillating purposes or to provoke giggles is inappropriate.

However, in seeking a relationship that leads to marriage it is an important issue. It comes across in how one carries oneself, how they interact with others, and in how their words match their actions. It is not just a question to ask, but rather it is common ground upon which to stand together.

The importance of avoiding temptation and near occasions of sin cannot be overstated. People used to make jokes about the Catholic high school dances where the chaperones would make sure the couples were not dancing too close, but you know what? You can thank Sr. Mary Margaret or Principal Whoever for saving your soul there.

Catholic teaching is not arbitrary. I sometimes think that people have not had the benefit of an adult conversation where they are told that sex is how babies are made. If you're not ready as a husband and wife to feed, diaper and burp the little angel, then get a hobby where your clothes stay on.

Oct 17th 2013 new
When it comes to a bloke (Aussie for Male) simply check for a pulse.
Oct 18th 2013 new
Ladies--If the guy has a very open collar,wears expensive italian shoes and a lot of jewelry; and kisses your hand when you first meet him..well..then you needn't ask him if he is a virgin.
Oct 18th 2013 new
(quote) Hank-1011656 said: When it comes to a bloke (Aussie for Male) simply check for a pulse.
Oct 18th 2013 new
(quote) Peter-793888 said: If you are saving yourself for marriage then there really should be no reason to ask for a hard-copy of medical records. If he has had a sexual encounters prior to your relationship, but you've decided he is the right man for you and you want to spend the rest of your life with him then there should be no reason for him to prove what he tells you. If you don't trust him enough to tell the truth about matters of health, then you don't trust him enough and you really should be rethinking the whole marriage idea.
This sounds very nave, Peter. Obviously you have never been duped by someone you loved and trusted. It happens very often and in this day and age of HIV we must be prepared and to take care of ourselves.
Oct 18th 2013 new
(quote) Chris-589554 said: Patrick--
His past IS relevant--whether it's one person or many, recent or long ago. Everyone--everyone, needs to make an informed decision. health and safety are very important--for their present and future and future children. It is very important to know factually whether there is an STD involved.

It's not a judgment, it's open dialogue on an important matter. Getting tested is easy--in the scheme of life.

If someone were sexually active in the past but now is planning on saving themselves for marriage, shouldn't that be applauded? Assuming that person has no kids and is STD free, I would view them the same as someone who is a virgin. Yes, they should probably go to confession but other than that, he is without sin, may cast the first stone.

But, to each their own.
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