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A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Oct 18th 2013 new
(quote) Laura-56149 said: This sounds very nave, Peter. Obviously you have never been duped by someone you loved and trusted. It happens very often and in this day and age of HIV we must be prepared and to take care of ourselves.
If you don't trust him enough to tell the truth you're not ready for marriage!! If you're not going to marry him, and you've decided to save yourself till marriage there is no reason to know his sexual history. If I was about to marry someone and I told them something and they always asked me to prove it, then it would be a clear demonstration of lack of trust and I'd break of the engagement and leave!
Oct 18th 2013 new
(quote) Bernard-2709 said: The easiset way is to put in your profile that those that are sexually active need not apply.Of course there are some men that may lie.The Std thing is a big problem.You can require he get screened if it gets serious relationship wise.I don't think men show positive for Chlamydia.http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/guide/chlamydia
I think most men don't really pay attention to your profile. I have asked that men that are not available for marriage not contact me and divorced men do all the time.

I think we've lost sight in this conversation of God leading you and directing your steps. If God wants you together, no matter what the circumstances, then He knows what is best. That is not to say that we don't ask continually for discernment. Some men I have gone out with are womanizers and think they are going to change me, NEXT!

I hope this helps. Stay close to the Lord and Our Lady and all will be well.

Jeannie
Oct 18th 2013 new
(quote) Jane-933948 said: Welcome to the forums Haley! And I applaud you in saving yourself!!! Since you are a practicing Catholic, perhaps you could suggest that you attend mass together and Eucharistic Adoration. This could tell a lot about the man. Not always but perhaps. Also, not a pleasant subject but if someone has an STD, they should ONLY be dating someone else with an STD. I say this because unless you are willing to take that chance of contracting the STD after marriage because you love him so much. Condoms do not protect one from an STD. Also, you may catch an STD through the thighs or other parts of the body, but I know this has been brought up in the forums before. There are "groups" of those with STD's that gather together and only associate with each other so as to not infect someone else. As it is none of my business who you choose, a real man would be trying not to infect you unless you are sure and discuss openly while discerning marriage. There are those that have not contracted the STD through fault of their own and I know several of them, they still must inform you ahead of time. So, when to ask, well I would say as soon as you think you are getting serious in the courtship. Before you two get too attached.
Jane,

Excellent post. I could not add anything further.

God bless, Praying hug rose

Leon
Oct 18th 2013 new
(quote) Haley-1019327 said: Rather is there a right time to ask someone if they're sexually active? With all of STDs going around I have to be careful. I personally want to save myself for marriage and hope to find someone who is as well. I won't judge anyone who isn't a virgin. But what do you do? How do you bring up the topic, do you wait or do you just come out and ask?
I know you want to save yourself for marriage which is commendable on your part. All the more reason for wanting to find out if the man you are courting is sexually active or has been. Especially if you want to have children after getting married. Nothing would be more heart breaking to you if you were to contract the Human Papillomavirus and end up having to have a hysterectomy because you developed cervical cancer, and you're not the one who fornicated before getting married. You seem like a sweet young Lady and you do not deserve to go through that. This is not a matter of being judgemental, it is about making wise informed choices. I can tell of the number of women who this happened to and their spouse had the nerve to shift the blame on them. Find out right away. If he really respects you he will understand.
Oct 18th 2013 new
(quote) Peter-793888 said: If you don't trust him enough to tell the truth you're not ready for marriage!! If you're not going to marry him, and you've decided to save yourself till marriage there is no reason to know his sexual history. If I was about to marry someone and I told them something and they always asked me to prove it, then it would be a clear demonstration of lack of trust and I'd break of the engagement and leave!
I have read this entire thread through and I have noticed how "into it" you appear to be. If Haley were your only child or younger sister, is this really the kind of advise you would give her? Would you want her blindly putting her trust in someone not knowing if he is faithful to her during the courtship or sexually active before dating the her.

Actually since we are all God's children that makes Haley one of your many younger sister's Big Brother !.


Oct 18th 2013 new
Pam Stenzel is a international speaker that I thought might be educational for all, not just teens. Hope you find these worthwhile and why testing is advisable. It's not about trust but health.

video.search.yahoo.com
video.search.yahoo.com

video.search.yahoo.com
Oct 18th 2013 new
Pam Stenzel is a international speaker that I thought might be educational for all, not just teens. Hope you find these worthwhile and why testing is advisable. It's not about trust but health.

video.search.yahoo.com
video.search.yahoo.com

video.search.yahoo.com
Oct 18th 2013 new
(quote) Tricia-321356 said: Pam Stenzel is a international speaker that I thought might be educational for all, not just teens. Hope you find these worthwhile and why testing is advisable. It's not about trust but health.

http://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;_ylt=A2KLqIPMz2FSgi4AoxH7w8QF;_ylu=X3oDMTBzZnZtb2xyBHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDdmlkBHZ0aWQDBGdwb3MDMTM-?p=pam+stenzel+youtube&vid=7b9189c2e6c8b2dc30a0fce212835ada&l=4%3A33&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts3.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DV.4922579158238210%26pid%3D15.1&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DbqHT7n0Mhn4&tit=PAM+STENZEL%3A+HPV&c=12&sigr=11auehkn8&age=0&&tt=b
http://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;_ylt=A2KLqIPMz2FSgi4ApBH7w8QF;_ylu=X3oDMTBza2VqYWU4BHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDdmlkBHZ0aWQDBGdwb3MDMTQ-?p=pam+stenzel+youtube&vid=eb1ddd592722175582bc7740235b1163&l=2%3A24&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts2.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DV.4530839499245725%26pid%3D15.1&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DIl2JaN_0LdY&tit=PAM+STENZEL%3A+Diseases&c=13&sigr=11atqe5s8&age=0&&tt=b

http://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;_ylt=A2KLqIPMz2FSgi4AmhH7w8QF;_ylu=X3oDMTByYXI3cnIwBHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDdmlkBHZ0aWQDBGdwb3MDNA--?p=pam+stenzel+youtube&vid=163267170372db60355fd5d04f62ea7d&l=7%3A23&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts4.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DV.4539876119284223%26pid%3D15.1&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DrlRCwoTDIlU&tit=PAM+STENZEL%3A+Brain&c=3&sigr=11a5tjh3g&age=0&&tt=b
Thanks Tricia,I will tell my three teenagers about Pam Stenzl's talks,they are great. smile scratchchin
Oct 18th 2013 new
Your welcome! What I was even more trying to communicate is the widespread health issues for All including adults. And how if you get to the point of marriage, testing would be the loving thing to do for yourself and spouse.

In today's world most people have been some sort of sexually active, and may lie about it.

If divorced, how many of us have had infidelity play a role by a former partner?

How many people who thought they had a faithful partner only to find out later it was not the case? (Widowed or divorced) yes we should trust but we live in a fallen world.

pam makes the point that many people
1. Don't know they have a disease
2. Might have to wait as long as 5 years from the last encounter before certain diseases (HPV) would even show up! That's a long time to wait to be safe !
Oct 18th 2013 new
(quote) Elizabeth-114955 said: I have read this entire thread through and I have noticed how "into it" you appear to be. If Haley were your only child or younger sister, is this really the kind of advise you would give her? Would you want her blindly putting her trust in someone not knowing if he is faithful to her during the courtship or sexually active before dating the her.

Actually since we are all God's children that makes Haley one of your many younger sister's Big Brother !.


I believe Peter's advice is pretty much spot on. Immodesty is evil...and it is never permissible to commit an evil in the hopes that a good may result. If this young woman, Haley, is of such a condition that she is blindly trusting a potential suitor before she knows him, then she has bigger problems than a potential spouse who's unfaithful to the very institution of marriage. Charity entails giving the benefit of the doubt, not blind trust and certainly not transgression of right reason.
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