Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free
A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

Closure

Oct 19th 2013 new
We hear so much about "finding closure". Is it just psychobabble? or is there really such a thing that we will one day experience? What do you think closure would mean to you if you found it? What does it mean for those that haven't lost a spouse?

I know that I haven't "found it" and really can't imagine what it would feel like. Married 30 years, 5 children, with the good, the bad, and the ugly---have no idea what it would mean or feel like in my life. If you are at that place in your life--tell us how you got there. What it means to you.

Thanks,
Chris
Oct 19th 2013 new
Hi Chris, I am sorry for your profound loss. You and your spouse sound as if you had a wonderful life. Although it hurts too much to smile at that sometimes. We know it in our heads but not quite in our hearts. I don't believe there is ever closure, we just learn to live through each day with the pain and learn to decompartmentalize it. We go through our daily lives doing what we have to do as life goes on around us. We want it all to stop where we are, but it doesn't work that way. We have to learn to go on because we cannot stay in that same place forever or we would never get out of bed. So for me no closure just coping and trying to live life as Jesus may want me to. And laugh because we can. And you will find happiness again in life. Praying rose hug hug
Oct 19th 2013 new
Jane,
If there is "closure" what do you think it would be? feel like? Would falling in love again give "closure"?

Thanks for your kind & understanding words.

Chris
Oct 20th 2013 new
Hi Chris,

I am not sure exactly what the word would be. Perhaps just moving on to different history in your life. Another chapter maybe. I think that if you are still going to bed with your spouses picture in your arms when you are dating someone else maybe you are not ready for another spouse, but your spouse is part of your history and there is no denying that. I don't see anything wrong with keeping a spot in your home for pictures etc. because that is your life. Especially if you have children. I think another spouse would understand that. And they would keep their photos or mementos as well, or not if it were through divorce.

How would it feel, I think would depend on factors of your life. I think it would feel wonderful but different than before. There are different kinds of loves, but real just the same. I think it is alright to laugh again and love again. And that your new spouse will bring different dynamics to your life and you will feel the closeness again just in a different way. After all you are a different person now too.

I am not sure how to express the way I feel about it but, I think God will bring you what you need, He knows you better than anyone. I don't know if any of this helps, maybe I will think of some better words. This place is a peaceful place to come and rest here, and when you need us we will be here. Or just stop by for a laugh or two! Keep the faith and be good to yourself!

Take care ~ Jane Praying theheart wave hug
Oct 20th 2013 new
Hugs, Chris.

I've been widowed ten years and I don't believe there is closure but there is acceptance and understanding. That person I loved will always be a part of my life . . . even after his death. I see him in my children and I can still hear his advice and counsel. Why would I want closure from that?

But God leads me and part of my trust and faith in Him is living fully each and every day. I have to remind myself that God does not view death the way we do. I saw it as an ending. I now understand death is part of a continuum. I sense my husband is very happy where he is whereas I want to hang on, but by doing that I cut myself off from the joy I am meant to discover and that isn't the way God wants me to live.

Cathy


Oct 22nd 2013 new
I believe in closure. For me it came about 12 years after I was widowed.

It's more than acceptance of the death (because I accepted it from the beginning) -- more like an acceptance of who I am without him.

Don't despair -- it does happen, but not soon, and not all at once. hug
Oct 31st 2013 new
Closure. I have been a widow for two years and I feel I have as much closure as I'm going to get. For me closure means I am not preoccupied thinking about the past. What comes to mind is BHN (be here now.)
I remind myself often to do just that.
Nov 2nd 2013 new
I have been a widow for almost 3 years now and I can say from experience that for me there might never be closure. Every day, week and month that goes by I remember beautiful memories that at the time, they might not been too significant, but now they are, I see those instants with much more intensity. I was married for 30 years and forgetting or trying to close the past and continue with the present is a very difficult task, particularly if you were happily married and besides love there was also complicity and understanding in the relationship.

I also experienced the death of a brother 11 years ago and his death was so painful to me, since him and I were like twins and talk to each other every day. I remember him and pray for him every day. I have had no closure from him either. I think that neither of them, my husband or brother have died in my opinion. The moment you stop thinking about them, they die. In my mind they are still alive. Their spirit is there present at all times. I think the closer you are to the person, the more difficult is to experience closure. The death of my parents or older friends was easier for me to accept, than my husband and brother. People who can experience closure are lucky that they can forget the past and continue with their lives. God give us the strength to continue in this life without them, but it doesn't mean they are forgotten they are prevalent in our minds for ever.

Sofia
Nov 10th 2013 new
I believe that closure in the context of this thread does not exist. My wife of 58 years was called Home two years ago. It took time to adjust to the loss and her memory will never go away. Life as God intended it goes on forever. It is up to us to accept our loss, pick up the pieces and start to rebuild. It happens daily in nature. Just think how a forest rebuilds itself after a devastating fire.
Nov 11th 2013 new
On a show the other night, they talked about grief and love going hand and hand. That we might fear letting go of the grief because in our minds, that might mean letting go of the love we had for our spouses and significant others. I've been thinking about that alot.

What do you think? Is that an avenue to investigate? Does letting go of the grief mean letting go of our love? Love as strong as it once was?

thank you for all your insight and life stories.
Posts 1 - 10 of 26