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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

I need some advice.

I'm having a really hard time with the annulment process. Due to a Diocese move, my case is still on hold, waiting for another 3-4 months before it will be processed by a judge. I'm feeling so strangled by the process. My divorce was final in 2011, and I have not wanted to date. It did take me a long time to complete the paperwork and I found it very cathartic. I continue to pray for discernment and the strength to carry out God's Will for my life. Actually, I have not wanted to date in the last 4.5 years since the break up of our marriage. I have been content to provide for my children and explore my own growth, spiritually.

Recently (last few months), I have been longing more and more for a relationship. I have wanted more lately to date and find a life partner. I feel that I've got it on my heart to be in a family and not single, and have such a loss that I cannot explain. In the past over the last couple years, I have filled it with food, and then wine, but for the last year I have been sober. And I am getting more physically fit as well. This leads me to realizing the truth, which is that I'm longing for a marriage relationship and I fear greatly that the annulment may not go through and the waiting is killing me.

I know I must remain patient. But I am beginning to feel resentful that my ex is living with the girlfriend he left his family for all these past 4.5 years without concern, and I, the responsible custodial and lonely parent is left to suffer all for going through the proper channels required by the church. I am having a hard time with this frankly, and wonder if there's any sort of support for people going through this process at our parish.

Thank you for any insight you can provide.
Oct 24th 2013 new
Hi Lissa,
welcome to Catholic Match! The process is long for some.Just keep your focus on your children as you have been doing.I went through the breakup,divorce,and petition for Nullity process over 16 years ago (39 years old).I have always kept my two daughters' welfare at the forefront of every decision I have made since.Considering whether or not I should re marry or not.I decided to wait until they were older (now 17 and 19 yrs old).I am glad I have waited.

It is difficult for children to just accept everything that adults throw their way.Consider that they are much more impressionable and fragile than you are.They may not always express it to you (if they are old enough),but these divorces and remarriages effect them for the rest of their lives.Be prayerful and consider them in all of your decisions before you make a move.Put it before God,and trust that whatever happens, is His will for you.Some of your friends and family (yes even Catholic ones!) may give you bad advice, that will pull you away from your Catholic faith! Beware! They will tell you that you are human and deserve happiness.They say things like,"no one can go without sex! Be patient.Reach out to others who are suffering ,and that will console you.I soon realized that no matter how much I suffered,there are people out there that have 10 times the trials I faced.My trials have been formidable too! One of the 12 fruits of the Holy Ghost (long suffering = longanimity) is needed.Therefore pray in ernest to the Holy Ghost,for that fruit.Trust God whatever happens.I have decided to be happy no matter what comes my way.My happiness is knowing that God loves me and that everything that happens to me is specially designed to mold me into a better Christian Man.To be what God wants me to be.Following Jesus is not easy,but is the only way to true happiness and peace of Heart.

Pray for your childrens' Father.It will reduce your bitterness towards him,and will make life easier for you and your children.Through your prayers and God's grace, he will improve over time.That will make him easier to deal with.He is not getting away with anything by living with a girlfriend! He will have to answer for every Sin he commits! Pity him.He is mired down in Sin!

Hold your head high,and take the terrible blows for your childrens sake.Be a source of strength, and a shining example of what a good Catholic should do in such circumstances.In turn your children will grow up knowing what is right by your example.
God bless you.You are in my prayers.
Oct 24th 2013 new
Check with your Parish.There are divorced groups for support.
Oct 24th 2013 new
Thank you. So hard. But yes, I do need to keep on going along. Putting them first is my number one job...
Oct 24th 2013 new
Hi, Lisa--

It's no easy thing, to hold the line in patience. Many, even those who might appear solidly Catholic, have chosen easy over right. You're not alone in the frustration. My ex has left the Church, moved in with his girlfriend, and provided an often problematic counterpoint to the life I lead for and with my children. What God has planned for us will pale in comparison, I believe. Eventually. But that does not make the waiting, nor the disappointments, easier. God bless-I will keep you in my prayers.
Oct 24th 2013 new
I know how you feel Lissa! Every day I wonder"Is this the day I am granted my annulment?" I am like"God I am not getting any younger! " LOL! Then I remind myself that God has his plan for me and that is all that matters. I am using this time to grow more in my faith, spend time with loved ones, do volunteer work, expand my social circle, and explore new career opportunities. That is where God wants me right now. Ask yourself "What does God want me to be doing at this point in my life?" You will hear his voice when you listen. I keep a journal and write down everything I need help figuring out and then I write down the answers that I hear within myself. For example: Question: "I want to deepen my faith." Answer: I can do that by: joining a Catholic site, learning new prayers, read books,etc..."
Don't think "the annulment process is dragging on" think: "What is God asking me to do with this precious time?"


Oct 24th 2013 new
I know how you feel Lissa! Every day I wonder"Is this the day I am granted my annulment?" I am like"God I am not getting any younger! " LOL! Then I remind myself that God has his plan for me and that is all that matters. I am using this time to grow more in my faith, spend time with loved ones, do volunteer work, expand my social circle, and explore new career opportunities. That is where God wants me right now. Ask yourself "What does God want me to be doing at this point in my life?" You will hear his voice when you listen. I keep a journal and write down everything I need help figuring out and then I write down the answers that I hear within myself. For example: Question: "I want to deepen my faith." Answer: I can do that by: joining a Catholic site, learning new prayers, read books,etc..."
Don't think "the annulment process is dragging on" think: "What is God asking me to do with this precious time?"


Oct 24th 2013 new
Lissa....hang in there. Try not to concern yourself with your Ex new life style. There There should be support groups like someone already mentioned. You are not alone.
Oct 24th 2013 new
Lissa, Bernard's post was beautiful. The only thing that I could add is that I used the principles and practices of my 12-step group Al-Anon to wrap my head and heart around all the pain, hurt, anger and resentment that went along with my legal separation, divorce and annulment. It does take time and it is very lonely. Give it over to Jesus. Part of my spiritual direction at that time was to offer up my suffering, loneliness and rejection so that other people would not enter into bad relationships or marriages. Stay close to the Cross. Blessings from a sister in Christ.
Oct 26th 2013 new
"Peace is not a relationship of nations. It is a condition of mind brought about by a serenity of soul. Lasting peace can come only to peaceful people." make your decision and move closer to the lord for directions.
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