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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Oct 28th 2013 new
Hi Lissa,

I know how frustrating the uncertainty and waiting can be during the annullment process. Mine has been in process for almost a year and I just recently found out that after 5 months the Tribunal hadn't received a questionaire from one of my closest friends. That was quite a blow but I decided that God must have a reason for them waiting that long to let me know they hadn't received it.

I'm glad to hear that you've grown in your faith and that you're changing your focus from food and alcohol to something healthier and better for you and your children and potentially your life partner. Maybe this is all part of the moulding God is dong within you to ready you to be the faith focused family woman you want to be.

The fact that you're on CM and not some other dating site shows that you're pointing your sights in the right direction, toward a committment to finding a Catholic man to help you in your journey toward eternity and to allow you to help him in his. I congratulate you on that.

I know that God will direct you down the road that's best for you if you listen to His voice and continue to grow in your faith. I agree with others that praying for your ex will help free you from the feelings of resentment and the feeling that you're carrying a burden and he's leading a life of self-fulfillment. The choices you're making now are leading you toward a reward that far exceeds anything you could experience in this life. I hope that thought brings you comfort.

God bless you on your journey and may the Peace of Christ be with you,

Dan
Nov 3rd 2013 new
Psalm 38:10 My Lord, my deepest yearning is before you; my groaning is not hidden from you.

The Lord knows our longing and desire. We glorify The Lord greatly when we wait with patient faith for his fulfillment of our longing. God always has greater plans for us than we can ever imagine. Our response to God's promise is to wait in faith, whether today, tomorrow, or until we are united with Him in heaven.
Nov 3rd 2013 new
Wow Lissa. I am going thru almost the same thing. I filled out the paperwork and sent it in right away though. All my witnesses sent in their papers too. I need to wait now to see if my ex will fight it or not. He cheated on me more than once and after counseling the damage just could not be repaired. I didn't date in the two years we were separated before the divorce this aug. I am find during the day but at night it gets lonely and I end up watching tv or something and then I am up all night. I am trying to get out of this habit and I bike and run and do a lot of exercise. I also tried to nuture myself thru food and shopping but they are not really healthy outlets to run to all the time.......everything in balance Anyway I kinda came on this site because I want to be around catholics. I am tired of being hit on by younger men etc. I want to date someone my age LOL I talked to a priest and he said til the annulment you could have friends as men and do things but keep it platonic til it goes thru which I am hoping is fast. I am pretty sure it will go thru but I don't like waiting either. Anyway I understand some of what you are talking about. Its always hard doing the right thing and I have my kids too so its easy to get jealous of the freedom my ex has but in the end I would rather be the one to have the kids fulltime and I really would not like my exs shallow life style anyway. Peace and you are in my prayers.
Nov 3rd 2013 new
Suzanne that is a great idea.
Nov 4th 2013 new
Oh my goodness, I could have written your post. The details are different, but my ex is fighting the annulment out of anger and spite. He has caused so much damage and now I feel like I am being held hostage by the darn process. I just want to be done and free from him.I am being told that if he fights it and he appeals to Rome, it can be a DECADE! A decade. I understand, now, why so many do not bother. But it matters to me to go through the process and follow the rules.

Anyway, I hear you and completely understand your frustration. Ultimately, God is in control and if He wants me to have my annulment, I know it will be done yesterday. So, I have to trust in Him.
Nov 4th 2013 new
I empathize with all of you waiting for your annulments. I recommend reading the book, Divorced, Catholic: Now What? by Lisa Duffy (who writes about divorce on this site) and Vincent--can't remember his last name. It is an excellent book which will bring you some peace about the situation and also help you look at some things from the perspective of our wonderful faith.

I agree with all who have said that we need to use this time as an opportunity to be persons of prayer to deepen our relationship with God and become the people He means for us to be. I strongly agree about praying for your former spouse daily as that does change our attitude about that person. It has brought me remarkable peace. I now include him with prayers for my children and grandchildren even more than when we were married. And if at all possible, get to Adoration on a regular basis--at least weekly. It will bring you closer to Jesus and His healing mercy.

I speak about all of this from a place of 40 years of marriage and a wait for my annulment. Although I had moved to another state, I applied and received it in the diocese where I had lived, married and he still lives. It took just about a year for the official paper to come and I too was anxious about it. I will pray for you that you will find peace.
Betty

Nov 4th 2013 new
II understand how you feel about an annulment it takes time All the information you gave to the priest goes to a tribunal of priests who are also psycologist and it gets checked over completely measured againsted your husbands papers.That takes time.When I went for my annulment I had help from a catholic christian psycotherapest He was great He told me my ex wife was not going to say nice things about me in her papers,so dont even mention her.All the judges want to know if you plan on leading a good christion life.Please do not lock yourself in a closet.Its okay to date.Find yourself a good christian man and make shure your exhusband knows you are leading a wonderfull life without him.I believe for you this is a wakeup call.reexamine yourself.God wants you to be a whole person not so much a holy person.There is so much of you has has to grow yet like all of us.God wants you to be all that you can be the women he had in mind when he put this on the earth.I know too many people that after a divorce try to become a saint or angle Life has many wonderfull things for us to enjoy.accept them.Sweetheart we all make mistakes thats why they put erasures on pencils.I will end with this one thought."You cannot change yesterday buy tou can certainly change tomorrow.Let tomorrow be the first day of the rest of your life.
Nov 4th 2013 new
(quote) Mary-1026538 said: Oh my goodness, I could have written your post. The details are different, but my ex is fighting the annulment out of anger and spite. He has caused so much damage and now I feel like I am being held hostage by the darn process. I just want to be done and free from him.I am being told that if he fights it and he appeals to Rome, it can be a DECADE! A decade. I understand, now, why so many do not bother. But it matters to me to go through the process and follow the rules.

Anyway, I hear you and completely understand your frustration. Ultimately, God is in control and if He wants me to have my annulment, I know it will be done yesterday. So, I have to trust in Him.
I would get it done even if it took 2 decades or any amount of time. Since you are divorced and no longer living together, your spouse may be living in adultery and endangering both of your souls. My annulment took almost 3 years, and after being divorced for nearly 18 years, I am still no closer to being married than I was then. But at least, with the annulment, I am not causing my ex(wife) to commit adultery because there was no marriage in the eyes of the church. "What you loose on earth is loosed in heaven; what you hold bound on earth is held bound in heaven."

.

Nov 4th 2013 new
(quote) Jim-624621 said: I would get it done even if it took 2 decades or any amount of time. Since you are divorced and no longer living together, your spouse may be living in adultery and endangering both of your souls. My annulment took almost 3 years, and after being divorced for nearly 18 years, I am still no closer to being married than I was then. But at least, with the annulment, I am not causing my ex(wife) to commit adultery because there was no marriage in the eyes of the church. "What you loose on earth is loosed in heaven; what you hold bound on earth is held bound in heaven."

.

Jim, what a wonderful example of Christian love. Your post was concerned for her welfare above your own. I love it!
Nov 4th 2013 new
(quote) Mary-1026538 said: Oh my goodness, I could have written your post. The details are different, but my ex is fighting the annulment out of anger and spite. He has caused so much damage and now I feel like I am being held hostage by the darn process. I just want to be done and free from him.I am being told that if he fights it and he appeals to Rome, it can be a DECADE! A decade. I understand, now, why so many do not bother. But it matters to me to go through the process and follow the rules.

Anyway, I hear you and completely understand your frustration. Ultimately, God is in control and if He wants me to have my annulment, I know it will be done yesterday. So, I have to trust in Him.
Mary, continue to trust the process. A decade is not likely. But as Jim said, even two decades is a drop in the bucket as compared to an eternity that is ahead of you. That eternity will be grueling if we don't do things right and now. Be patient, take heart, indulge in maintaining your state of grace (confession and adoration are very effective) and keep yourself busy; be in the Lord and keep close to Mary, the other one :) Blessings...
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