Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

error: Forum not initialized properly! Please check the link and try again.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

I'll pose this question to women, but by reversing the gender words, men can answer as if it were aimed at them.

In Catholic Match most of the complaints about how men are deficient in the dating game are claims that they are not active enough. Such failures to act include not initiating communication, not replying to contacts, not asking for a phone number and so on. To say the same thing from a different angle, the problem is an absence, or near absence, of action. scratchchin

Can there also be failures due to an undeveloped passive dimension even in men who show much strength in the active facets of socializing? The complaint by women that, "Men don't listen", might be a prime example where the problem is not a faliure by men to be active, but an inability to be passive where that sort of non-activity is needed.

Some people may not like the word, "passive", and say that the correct word in this context is, "receptive". Certainly men will not have the deepest kind of passivity characteristic of inaimate objects such as autumn leaves blown about by the winds only to return to motionlessness when the air currents subside. In men the "passive" things may lie inactively until stirred by a woman, but once stirred they become active in their own right. The thing to note here is that, unless men can have a moment of passivity, the woman can't get inside to lift men's inactive potentialities into life.

As I see it, the main point is that men have to be able to be moved by the woman's voice, tones and other aspects of her personal presence in such a way that she senses that she has moved them even if her ignition causes things previously dormant quickly to become active in men.

Recommending both making passes and being passive with lasses, eyebrow shhh

John

Nov 12th 2013 new
... The thing to note here is that, unless men can have a moment of passivity, the woman can't get inside to lift men's inactive potentialities into life.

Like being still and listening for the Spirit? But being still is not being passive-inert but stilling the other calls upon your attention in order actively to listen for something.


...men have to be able to be moved by the woman's voice, tones and other aspects of her personal presence in such a way that she senses that she has moved them ....


As in actively and reflectively listening, ie., listening to what the woman is doing verbally and nonverbally and reflecting her back to herself, so she knows that whether or not she has moved you ('moved' as in the sense of being emotionally affected in her favour), you, at least, are moving with her in the sense that you are following what she is communicating?


All of the above needs to be done with finesse as talking like an amateur psychoanalyst may irritate rather than flatter your listener.


Nov 12th 2013 new
to both of you I say ???? [and english is my first language]
Nov 12th 2013 new
You are (once again, old pal) over-thinking things.

Someone sends someone else a message, to which the party of the second part responds. That's smart business, and good manners, and "gettin' her done".

Too many CMers (I dunno why -- gun shy?) spend too much time thinking and not enough time doing.

two cents
Nov 12th 2013 new
Well John it's pretty simple really. Either someone is here with serious intentions, just to window shop or thinks they are here for serious intentions but for whatever reason just can't commit. I'm not saying any or all of these just apply to men either. The key is discerning who is serious and who is not and really the only way to tell that is time and the consistancy of their actions. Does what the person say match what they do and vice versa. The important thing is for everyone to treate each other with respect according to christian values during the process.
Nov 12th 2013 new
(quote) Susan-857876 said: to both of you I say ???? [and english is my first language]
I agree, Susan. I'll add a few more???s to your post.
Nov 12th 2013 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said: You are (once again, old pal) over-thinking things.

Someone sends someone else a message, to which the party of the second part responds. That's smart business, and good manners, and "gettin' her done".

Too many CMers (I dunno why -- gun shy?) spend too much time thinking and not enough time doing.

But wait! So many women here never reply!

If you're in a relationship, say so (in your profile). Otherwise, we guys expect you're on here for the same reason we are and expect a response.. Ladies, it is rude to not reply when a man has taken the time and thought to write you a message.

Just my $0.02.
Nov 12th 2013 new
Michael highlights an important point. There are a lot of folks who seem to be here for no reason. They have overly generic profiles and when there are common interests, they go "yeah..haha. but i don't know that i'm ready for a relationship" and/or they disappear altogether. It's come to the point, where there are red flags that might help you spot a woman who's not serious: 20+ photos that are all of themselves(as opposed to hobbies), very generic self descriptions, photos of themselves consuming alcohol etc. Besides that, there are things that they could be into which are not in line with Church teaching.
Nov 12th 2013 new
(quote) Michael-780154 said: But wait! So many women here never reply!

If you're in a relationship, say so (in your profile). Otherwise, we guys expect you're on here for the same reason we are and expect a response.. Ladies, it is rude to not reply when a man has taken the time and thought to write you a message.

Just my $0.02.
But, I do reply.....what if they don't like ya?
Nov 12th 2013 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said: Someone sends someone else a message, to which the party of the second part responds. That's smart business, and good manners, and "gettin' her done".

Too many CMers (I dunno why -- gun shy?) spend too much time thinking and not enough time doing.

Marge.....I keep finding it interesting that no matter what the title of the subject is, it still circles around to the same thing. I'm thinking it is probably true for the folks that have been here for years. I'm coming up on 6 months.

Ann.........message is also true.
Posts 1 - 10 of 79