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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Nov 12th 2013 new
(quote) Roystan-340472 said: I see. But isn't fixating on something a kind of tunnel vision?
Tunnel of Love.
Nov 12th 2013 new
Too bad there is not a vitamin for a Passive Side Deficiency.
Nov 12th 2013 new

So, it is in a man's best interest to be passive so as not to be passed by as long as that passivity is none too pervasive as to cause the comatose state often attributed to one hand on a beer and the other on the remote? Ok then, carry on.

Nov 12th 2013 new
You need to be specific with the pharmacist: a deficiency caused by having a passive side or a deficiency caused by not having a passive side.
Nov 12th 2013 new
When it comes time to make a movie of your life, shall we call it "Channelling Astoria"?
Nov 12th 2013 new
So John are you saying that since men are more moved by sight and sound, that they just look around here and sight their fancy. Then call or skype and then decide? And we women are naturally more talkative and so join in the forums more often? Because I do think men do listen, they just tend to respond differently. Because we are different. scratchchin eyepopping
la dee dee la dee da.
Nov 13th 2013 new
(quote) Greg-902815 said: Michael highlights an important point. There are a lot of folks who seem to be here for no reason. They have overly generic profiles and when there are common interests, they go "yeah..haha. but i don't know that i'm ready for a relationship" and/or they disappear altogether. It's come to the point, where there are red flags that might help you spot a woman who's not serious: 20+ photos that are all of themselves(as opposed to hobbies), very generic self descriptions, photos of themselves consuming alcohol etc. Besides that, there are things that they could be into which are not in line with Church teaching.
How much certainty do you harbor that "20+ photos that are all of themselves(as opposed to hobbies)" are red flags? I am more bothered if the woman is in only one of her 20+ photos and the rest are of her dog, flowers, car and other objects and places.

Nov 13th 2013 new
Maybe some people are jealous of nice photography and beautiful women?
Nov 13th 2013 new
Roystan asked: Does a woman know what it is in her 'inner beauty' that has reached into a man and pulled him towards her?

I opine: I have never been consciously aware of the point about which you ask. I have no considered answer.

Roystan posed: Does she know what her 'inner beauty' (ie,. not her surface flash, and her possibly very temporary surface flash, at that) is?

I reply: I have never been consciously aware of the point about which you ask. I have no considered answer.

Roystan inquired: Does she know that the man has been stirred by it?

I say: I have never been consciously aware of the point about which you ask. I have no considered answer.

Roystan declaimed: The temporary surface flash is Cinderella at the ball. The day-to-day Cinderella has no makeup, wears cast-offs and lives a secluded workhouse existence with no opportunities to polish her latent shine. The shoe fit only confirmed her identity. It didn't hide the surface squalor of her life, visibly apparent to the royal party. If they actually did live happily ever after, in a meaningful sense, what about her latent shine did the prince see?

I reply: Could be so, but I know not.

Nov 13th 2013 new
(quote) Barbara-863769 said: There is such a thing as "active listening". Passivity is not required for either gender.
Rather, genuine focus and intense willingness to hear in the example given here the woman's deeper feelings can be shown not only in stillness on the part of the man...but in action!
For example: Echo feedback-He can repeat back her words to her, for example..
"What I hear you saying is..."
or perhaps asking for clarification, such as:
"Did I hear you say...? "
Also asking for direct help in understanding:
"I am not really understanding WHY this is so dear to your heart...Can you help me understand you more accurately, dear?"

So rather than requiring passivity, that is, being quiet and laid back and just receiving other's words.... perhaps using active listening skills can help male-female communication?

My main question was whether, in addition to the active, there was an aspect of human presence that was a requirement for social relationships. Some people will say that listening is still in some sense an activity, but I would counter that it is at least outwardly less active than talking. For those who'd resist the word, "passive", I'd asked them to imagine the kind of social relationships that could develop if that less active form of activity called, "listening", was eliminated.

Even your form of "active listening" requires some moments of that less active activity that we call, "listening" because it is needed to allow the words and feelings of the speaker to enter the listener in such as way that the listener is moved - and is moved is precisely passive as opposed to moves by self's own power, which is precisely active.

Since some psychological experts recommend the learning of active listening skills, I imagine that they are worthwhile, but I was just trying to point out the problems of concentrating solely on the more active and forgetting about the passive - or the less active if some insist on actively trying to disallow the concept of passivity.
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