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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Dec 6th 2013 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said: Give this lady a cigar!!!

Thanks marge...
Dec 6th 2013 new
(quote) Anne-976912 said: Right person=being the person God calls us to be,to be the best we can for Him.
Just wondering if you can explain what you mean by this......

i think ink we need to remember that struggles are important for growth...stretching us...I recently learned a saint taught this...I think it was saint loyala......that said pray for struggles......I will try to find it....
Dec 6th 2013 new
(quote) Jillian-1014035 said: Just wondering if you can explain what you mean by this......

i think ink we need to remember that struggles are important for growth...stretching us...I recently learned a saint taught this...I think it was saint loyala......that said pray for struggles......I will try to find it....
Jillian, you certainly can attest to that. You push forward toward the light, despite the darkness. You are becoming that light in the process.
Dec 6th 2013 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said: I'm starting to think that all your acquaintances are weirdos.





Everyone I know turned into a weirdwolf the day Obama got elected. The darned hippies. Who knew they still walked among us? Let our guard down for a minute. And they managed to take over the whole forsaken place.

Gotta start carrying one of these around... rosary ...just for protection.

Good thing you don't think I'm a weirdo. laughing

Dec 6th 2013 new
(quote) Jillian-1014035 said: Just wondering if you can explain what you mean by this......

i think ink we need to remember that struggles are important for growth...stretching us...I recently learned a saint taught this...I think it was saint loyala......that said pray for struggles......I will try to find it....
Added to prayers I say with my teens on the way to the school bus.Following the Commandments ,doing our very best in the situation we are in and offering up hardships for Jesus.Being a witness to our faith in the culture we live in.Using our talents and givens for good, scratchchin and helping others get to Heaven.
Dec 6th 2013 new
(quote) Kristen-878108 said: Great topic! I'll start it off!
One of the things that I think would be important in the quest to be the right person is to learn the meaning of John 15:13: There is noo greater love than this: than to lay down one's life for a friend."
There is more than one way to lay down one's life for another. Yes, a soldier may put his life on the line in a literal sense for the country, but I think this text could have a deeper meaning for us as Christians. Jesus gave us the two great commandments - 1, to love God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength, and 2, to love our neighbor as ourselves, and this goes to the second of these 2 greatest commandments.

Our parents in some sense laid down their lives for us, and for those of us who are parents ourselves, to some degree, we laid down our lives for our children, at least until they got on their feet. That is, their lives became our lives. Their lives and their happiness were put first even when there were times when we had conflicting interests of our own, but because we are commanded by God to be good stewards of the children God has given us, we make sacrifices for them. This is also what it means to lay down one's life, or put one's own life aside for the needs and wants of another, a significant other, a child or a spouse.

To the degree that we each learn what the needs of our spouse are, and in meeting and exceeding those needs we serve the Lord, the better the marriage will be. If each partner discovers the temporal needs of the other and is able to satisfy those with God always at the center, the marriage is truly a happy one, as each satisfies the needs of the other without the need even to do for themselves, even as they offer their works to each other as if to God himself. It is a complete giving of one to the other that creates the most joy in each of their hearts as they serve God for each other. The joy is in the giving, and by living to serve God by serving the other, their love grows and they become one in as much as it is possible in this world.

Dec 6th 2013 new
I guess that this is what I have also experienced. I always thought I was "the right person" when I got married at 24. My wife of 38 years and I went to half a dozen counselors through those years. For a good many of them, I tried to defend myself instead of really looking at myself, or why I felt the need to defend myself against her complaints. I had to guard my image of "me". Until the Lord helped me dare to lower my shield "of rightness", I could only see what my partner was doing wrong rather than what I was doing, or why I was doing it.

The friction and stress of our marriage had to get become great indeed, before it dawned on me that I really was not "right". The Lord came to heal the sick, but I didn't think I needed healing, so He couldn't help me. I think everyone thinks as I do. We need to realize that it is OK to admit we are in need of healing. Its OK because we are only fragile wounded creatures. Until that happens, I think we will always assume it was the other person's problem.
But when we "get it", then we can begin to carefully cooperate with God's grace to "become".
Dec 6th 2013 new
(quote) Larry-994477 said: I guess that this is what I have also experienced. I always thought I was "the right person" when I got married at 24. My wife of 38 years and I went to half a dozen counselors through those years. For a good many of them, I tried to defend myself instead of really looking at myself, or why I felt the need to defend myself against her complaints. I had to guard my image of "me". Until the Lord helped me dare to lower my shield "of rightness", I could only see what my partner was doing wrong rather than what I was doing, or why I was doing it.

The friction and stress of our marriage had to get become great indeed, before it dawned on me that I really was not "right". The Lord came to heal the sick, but I didn't think I needed healing, so He couldn't help me. I think everyone thinks as I do. We need to realize that it is OK to admit we are in need of healing. Its OK because we are only fragile wounded creatures. Until that happens, I think we will always assume it was the other person's problem.
But when we "get it", then we can begin to carefully cooperate with God's grace to "become".
Beautiful post (as usual) Larry! It is very clear from this post (and others) that you opened yourself to seeing reality about yourself and survived! Thank you for being a witness that there is life beyond "being right"!
Dec 6th 2013 new
(quote) Jillian-1014035 said: I agree...in marriage, one needs to be willing to lay down ones life. Sacrificial and selfless love is something one needs I think.....reflecting the love of Christ to each other, is what Catholic marriage is about in part.....doesn't always happen over night....but as love deepens and purifies, and if God is in the love of a man and woman, it will happen. It happened in my previous relationship with my ex. All relationships will absolutely require greater degrees of sacrificial love....so if a spouse is not ready for that, or value or strive towards that....there readiness is in question. A lasting marriage needs this dynamic, within the hands of the sacramental bond. Is this not what the church proclaims( admittedly I have not read much of john Paul's theology of the body), but I know it is marvelous from the bit I have ages ago...as is he)... A spouse is asked to die to themselves, and live in service of the other....sometimes easier said then done, amidst a world that shouts out, I, I, I, and me, me, me.....what is in it for me, will I be happy...instead of can I serve. No doubt I have not had to struggle with it myself. However, I can testify, that one gets to the point when you can honestly say, there is nothing( aside from bad sinful things ) I would not do for my intended, there is nothing I will not give up ( aside from being a saint), etc. you are ready for that blessed perpetual yes.

Yes, being the right person is important I think. But perhaps, with the right person, you will be come that ready....you will evolve. I did, as in my former relationship I had to give up many of my marital aspirations, one by one, future kids, living preference, etc....it was hard at first...but God and love encouraged me. In the end, I joyfully relinquished them all.....and in my experience, the love was all the more stronger for it....I was madly in love with him in the beginning, but in the end......it had evolved, into something more.....

i guess at least I will take that awareness and readiness to my next relationship.
Great post, Jillian!
Dec 6th 2013 new
(quote) Larry-994477 said: I guess that this is what I have also experienced. I always thought I was "the right person" when I got married at 24. My wife of 38 years and I went to half a dozen counselors through those years. For a good many of them, I tried to defend myself instead of really looking at myself, or why I felt the need to defend myself against her complaints. I had to guard my image of "me". Until the Lord helped me dare to lower my shield "of rightness", I could only see what my partner was doing wrong rather than what I was doing, or why I was doing it.

The friction and stress of our marriage had to get become great indeed, before it dawned on me that I really was not "right". The Lord came to heal the sick, but I didn't think I needed healing, so He couldn't help me. I think everyone thinks as I do. We need to realize that it is OK to admit we are in need of healing. Its OK because we are only fragile wounded creatures. Until that happens, I think we will always assume it was the other person's problem.
But when we "get it", then we can begin to carefully cooperate with God's grace to "become".
I think we're all works in progress, Larry. How could we not be? Life comes at us new challenges every day.
Just sayin'
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