That is the lesson I learned.
When I first began thinking of dating...four years after my husband's death, I had lifted my hands and my heart to God and I had prayed and asked God if I could "serve as a helpmate to the one man out there who might need the love, talents, and strengths that HE, my Abba Father, gave me"
When a committed relationship ended, in which I had been "used" for my expertise/skills as an educator/parent, I was sharing my confusion as to what happened when it seemed like an answer to my prayer.
This dear friend of mine....when I told her EXACTLY what I had asked God...she looked at me bug-eyed and said:
"Duh! THAT was your problem, right there, Barbara. No, no no."
She continued, "Listen to me! Do you hear me? The next time you pray for a spouse, THIS is what you need to say so you don't get hurt with a jerk like that again:'God please send me a good man who will cherish and care for and about ME'
(Of course her purpose was to comfort, not to rule out "helpmate"--just to make a point to me, her wounded friend.)
She made me laugh SO HARD. My mascara was streaming with tears but I shook with laughter.Friends can help you find the flaws!