(quote) Jim-624621 said: If I have learned anything in my 52 years of dealing with people, it is this: when it comes to sins and shortcomings of any kind, it works equally across both genders. To say that one or another gender does this or doesn't do that more or less than the other when it comes to whatever fault you can name is simply erroneous. It does no good to denigrate one or the other genders in these forums because in the final analysis, it isn't going to change behaviors of either who are both guilty of whatever grievance you can come up with. What we CAN do is understand that all people have shortcomings, and we are going to have to deal with them coming from whichever side we are on. Some people are going to have more or less of them, and some we are going to be able to live with, and some we are not. We can't look to a website or any other outlet in this world for our happiness or fulfillment, therefore we can't blame it (them) when it (they) fail(s) us. We ask our Lord for discernment of His will in our lives, and WE make the decision on the path that we go. Regardless of our circumstances, ultimately, our fulfillment is found in and through Jesus Christ, and not through the resultant of any choice that we make or don't make regarding matrimony. Just as in life, there are no guarantees with Catholic Match, as witnessed by the fact that there are people posting all the time in the forums who have been on and off of CM for more than a decade. Everything is in God's time, or at least, that is what people write in their profiles. Do they believe that? Have we really turned over our lives to God's will, or do we expect to get a return message every day from our future spouse because we peeked at someone's profile and expected a note that will lead to matrimony in 8 months?
In a way, I believe this website may be unfair because it is so easy to dismiss someone. You answer all of these questions in your profile, and if there is one thing that you don't like, you can dismiss that person and not have any communication with him/her. In real life, we see each other face to face, and we are attracted to the people that we like visually, and we start communicating and spending time with each other; over time we get to know them and if we are still seeing them after some weeks or months, it is usually because we enjoy their company and we have the same core beliefs and likes and dislikes... and one day we may find out something or things that we don't like, but maybe we already like that person so much it doesn't matter anymore, and we still pursue the relationship to its fruition in marriage. That's real life... for many, especially in the secular world today, and especially if you are still in college or just out. On CM, we can dismiss these people right away before we develop any attachment for a single "erroneous" entry, and is that not unfair? Maybe; I guess it depends on which side of the dejection you are on, and whether or not it would have lead to something more meaningful if you had just allowed yourself to take a chance, male or female.
Someone posted something about people being divorced for a long time as if that said something negative about a person. I have been separated and divorced for 20 years and I have my annulment for going on 16 years now. Does this say something negative about me in and of itself? I would like to know what that is. How does this say anything to anyone about me (or about anyone else) who does not know me personally? No one wants to be in a committed relationship more than I do, but having made the mistake once, as many of us have, it is difficult to proceed with a relationship when you see some of the same warning signs that you either missed or overlooked before. This goes for all of us, male and female. Is this what you call jaded? I would call it discernment from experience. It is the farthest think from unwillingness to take on responsibility, but rather, it is prudence and being responsible when you acknowledge that the facts outweigh your feelings. Oh how I sometimes wish I could just go out on the street and meet someone the way I did 30 years ago! But that way didn't work then; and it is far less likely to work that way now since the world owns so many souls now, though nothing is impossible for God.
For some, this is a difficult time being alone. We ARE all on the same spiritual journey, but if we truly believe as we should, that journey leads to heaven regardless of whether we make the journey with a spouse or go it alone. In the final analysis, marriage is not the end, in and of itself; heaven is; and in this life our guidance is to know, love and serve the Lord to spend eternity with Him in heaven.
Everyone here wants a self-giving, committed relationship; I have yet to meet (virtually) anyone who doesn't. God gives us free will and intellect to assist us, but we are to trust in Him by seeking and discerning His will for our lives. If we do that, then we should be content with where we are in this life with or without a spouse. We should be content because we are where God wants us to be at this time. Yes, we are on a "dating" website, and we have profiles that answer all these questions about who we are and who we are looking for in a spouse, and we have put ourselves out there for rejection or acceptance, but ultimately, we are discerning God's will for us in God's time, and if we are asking in prayer for the desires of our heart, and the answer is still no, then we should just keep on doing it until God answers in the affirmative, or we feel we are called to do something different.
Maybe, you think this is not a positive post, but I tell you that it is! Seeking and living by the will of God for your life is all that is necessary regardless of how badly we think we want a spouse. Because if we are doing that, we can rest assured we are doing all that we can do. I can tell you that makes me very happy and very content and not the least bit lonely. Life is not a secular journey; it's a spiritual one. Live in the spirit!
Honestly, I usually don't entertain men who had divorced because they have that big buggage swinging all around their space. Some they are still inlove with their ex...and some will never marry again for fear and due to anger. But after reading what you posted here, my perception changed. I respect that situation more now.