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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 7th 2014 new

This is an excellent thread, as it touches on so many nuanced aspects of the relationship of man to woman (and vice versa, of course) Isnt it interesting to see how any one of us humans perceives things to be, how we each uniquely want a particular course of action to play out We each wonder to ourselves: Do I need to do more of this? Or, does she need to do more of that? Am I not enough, or am I too much ? Am I not smart enough, or am I too much of an egghead? Need I be taller, or better looking, or younger, or make more money? Am I not holy enough? Am I too holy? Do I need to be more masculine, or am I too rough around the edges?

Perhaps it is true as someone said, that the CM women ARE, in fact, too wonderful? Could it be that they intimidate us, especially if we feel we dont measure up? And, if we do allow ourselves to be intimidated, does that mean we are not even men after all? ,,,, But, are we even in their league? Are we embarrassing ourselves if we even think we have a chance? And in turn does that way of thinking cause us to shrink from the challenge? .. Oh, tis enough to make ones head spin! .

Jan 7th 2014 new
Richard, just be YOU - your honest, truthful self. For the right lady, you will not be "too" or "not"! So don't let this conversation make you more intimidated! It's supposed to get you to be more proactive! So get out there! Post some new pictures! Meet some new ladies! Who knows what will happen?!
Jan 7th 2014 new
Richard, just be YOU - your honest, truthful self. For the right lady, you will not be "too" or "not"! So don't let this conversation make you more intimidated! It's supposed to get you to be more proactive! So get out there! Post some new pictures! Meet some new ladies! Who knows what will happen?!
Jan 7th 2014 new
Yes, I do hope for a self-giving, committed relationship! Hope is what keeps me trying because when the right connection happens all efforts will seem very worthwhile! May He lead each one of us to the one whom He is preparing for us even when we feel discouraged at times.....

Jan 7th 2014 new
(quote) Issy-978651 said: Yes, I do hope for a self-giving, committed relationship! Hope is what keeps me trying because when the right connection happens all efforts will seem very worthwhile! May He lead each one of us to the one whom He is preparing for us even when we feel discouraged at times.....

As others have stated, this is a great post! Thanks for all the thought provoking discussions. Was my marriage self giving- YES and othes noted, not always perfect. But as I cared for my dying husband and brought him home for 3 weeks to be with our daughters, I did say to him I would trade places with you NOW, just so his pain could be taken away.

I am willing to do that again for the right man and only God has the time and whom that may be! San Diego is not a bad place to live! wave
Jan 7th 2014 new
That is super beautiful, Mary Beth! Thanks for sharing that!
Jan 8th 2014 new
(quote) Margaret-20183 said: I am getting so tired of the status quo and my self-centered life. I've been made for giving, not living for myself. That's not to say that I am completely selfish--I am involved with my parish, family, and at work (at times I think I am there to allow my coworkers to have more family time!), but I have an incredible amount more to give that I feel is best suited toward married life.
I second the motion! I feel that my love is so much more than charity to my family and friends or my devotion to my faith is overflowing....besides i believe women who thinks of becoming a saint rather than get married, should probably be in the convent. Remember the story of the adulterous wife.? The husband continued to love his wife even for so many times she coerced with other men. The husband is a saint because he carried his cross (HIS WIFE ADULTEROUS ACT) willfully and followed the Divine Will. Well I say refusing the pain and struggles which is our cross is not a Divine Will. It is a selfish act.
Jan 8th 2014 new
(quote) Jim-624621 said: If I have learned anything in my 52 years of dealing with people, it is this: when it comes to sins and shortcomings of any kind, it works equally across both genders. To say that one or another gender does this or doesn't do that more or less than the other when it comes to whatever fault you can name is simply erroneous. It does no good to denigrate one or the other genders in these forums because in the final analysis, it isn't going to change behaviors of either who are both guilty of whatever grievance you can come up with. What we CAN do is understand that all people have shortcomings, and we are going to have to deal with them coming from whichever side we are on. Some people are going to have more or less of them, and some we are going to be able to live with, and some we are not. We can't look to a website or any other outlet in this world for our happiness or fulfillment, therefore we can't blame it (them) when it (they) fail(s) us. We ask our Lord for discernment of His will in our lives, and WE make the decision on the path that we go. Regardless of our circumstances, ultimately, our fulfillment is found in and through Jesus Christ, and not through the resultant of any choice that we make or don't make regarding matrimony. Just as in life, there are no guarantees with Catholic Match, as witnessed by the fact that there are people posting all the time in the forums who have been on and off of CM for more than a decade. Everything is in God's time, or at least, that is what people write in their profiles. Do they believe that? Have we really turned over our lives to God's will, or do we expect to get a return message every day from our future spouse because we peeked at someone's profile and expected a note that will lead to matrimony in 8 months?

In a way, I believe this website may be unfair because it is so easy to dismiss someone. You answer all of these questions in your profile, and if there is one thing that you don't like, you can dismiss that person and not have any communication with him/her. In real life, we see each other face to face, and we are attracted to the people that we like visually, and we start communicating and spending time with each other; over time we get to know them and if we are still seeing them after some weeks or months, it is usually because we enjoy their company and we have the same core beliefs and likes and dislikes... and one day we may find out something or things that we don't like, but maybe we already like that person so much it doesn't matter anymore, and we still pursue the relationship to its fruition in marriage. That's real life... for many, especially in the secular world today, and especially if you are still in college or just out. On CM, we can dismiss these people right away before we develop any attachment for a single "erroneous" entry, and is that not unfair? Maybe; I guess it depends on which side of the dejection you are on, and whether or not it would have lead to something more meaningful if you had just allowed yourself to take a chance, male or female.

Someone posted something about people being divorced for a long time as if that said something negative about a person. I have been separated and divorced for 20 years and I have my annulment for going on 16 years now. Does this say something negative about me in and of itself? I would like to know what that is. How does this say anything to anyone about me (or about anyone else) who does not know me personally? No one wants to be in a committed relationship more than I do, but having made the mistake once, as many of us have, it is difficult to proceed with a relationship when you see some of the same warning signs that you either missed or overlooked before. This goes for all of us, male and female. Is this what you call jaded? I would call it discernment from experience. It is the farthest think from unwillingness to take on responsibility, but rather, it is prudence and being responsible when you acknowledge that the facts outweigh your feelings. Oh how I sometimes wish I could just go out on the street and meet someone the way I did 30 years ago! But that way didn't work then; and it is far less likely to work that way now since the world owns so many souls now, though nothing is impossible for God.

For some, this is a difficult time being alone. We ARE all on the same spiritual journey, but if we truly believe as we should, that journey leads to heaven regardless of whether we make the journey with a spouse or go it alone. In the final analysis, marriage is not the end, in and of itself; heaven is; and in this life our guidance is to know, love and serve the Lord to spend eternity with Him in heaven.

Everyone here wants a self-giving, committed relationship; I have yet to meet (virtually) anyone who doesn't. God gives us free will and intellect to assist us, but we are to trust in Him by seeking and discerning His will for our lives. If we do that, then we should be content with where we are in this life with or without a spouse. We should be content because we are where God wants us to be at this time. Yes, we are on a "dating" website, and we have profiles that answer all these questions about who we are and who we are looking for in a spouse, and we have put ourselves out there for rejection or acceptance, but ultimately, we are discerning God's will for us in God's time, and if we are asking in prayer for the desires of our heart, and the answer is still no, then we should just keep on doing it until God answers in the affirmative, or we feel we are called to do something different.

Maybe, you think this is not a positive post, but I tell you that it is! Seeking and living by the will of God for your life is all that is necessary regardless of how badly we think we want a spouse. Because if we are doing that, we can rest assured we are doing all that we can do. I can tell you that makes me very happy and very content and not the least bit lonely. Life is not a secular journey; it's a spiritual one. Live in the spirit!

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Honestly, I usually don't entertain men who had divorced because they have that big buggage swinging all around their space. Some they are still inlove with their ex...and some will never marry again for fear and due to anger. But after reading what you posted here, my perception changed. I respect that situation more now.
Jan 8th 2014 new
Yes I do, and that's exactly what I had a fight with my ex. And take note it has nothing to do with sex... Self giving is not physical but sacrifices to reach out to your partner. Self giving is how Jesus was to Us sinners, ...forgiving, understading, selfless, and an act of love. Love is not giving what you can give (THAT'S CHARITY) is giving all you have to reach out and support the other person. One day in your relationship, you wil ask how much did my boyfriend or girlfriend..or husband or wife loved me? Did we give all that we have to save him or her? Or you just gave up when you were giving more than you originally bargained for?
Jan 8th 2014 new
Yes I do, and that's exactly what I had a fight with my ex. And take note it has nothing to do with sex... Self giving is not physical but sacrifices to reach out to your partner. Self giving is how Jesus was to Us sinners, ...forgiving, understading, selfless, and an act of love. Love is not giving what you can give (THAT'S CHARITY) is giving all you have to reach out and support the other person. One day in your relationship, you wil ask how much did my boyfriend or girlfriend..or husband or wife loved me? Did we give all that we have to save him or her? Or you just gave up when you were giving more than you originally bargained for?
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