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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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Please help me understand (and forgive my psychotherapist leanings), but what factors do you think play into our collective difficulties connecting with each other here on CM? My intent is to facilitate constructive dialogue between genders, increase mutual understanding of internet meeting/dating difficulties, and to promote healthier interactions that lead toward the marriage goal toward which many of us strive.

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Jan 11th 2014 new
Great question Carol. I think some of the factors from my perspective include the following:

1) An inability for many people to formulate a complete message in their mind, type it out, and then send. Use of the written word in our society is compromised and here in the world of CM we must actually sit and write something thoughtful. For many, abbreviations and text messaging has taken our lives by storm and we are unable to communicate in full sentences or with complete ideas.

2) Carrying on a conversation for any length of time by messaging is another factor that makes it difficult. This is particularly true for LDR, where people are less inclined to send a message since it may be weeks or months before you can meet in person and see if there is this all important "spark." We live in a society of instant gratification/satisfaction and we are somewhat influenced by this culture and so we need to know now if he/she is the one.

3) The rush to judgment. With one review of a profile and one message some are inclined to say -- you are not right for me. In our real world, if we can think back to early school days, sometimes it took us a few weeks to warm up to the new teacher or classmates, yet we succeeded since we were not inclined as children to rush to judgment. Here in the world of online dating, people may rush to a judgment based on a limited supply of information.

4) Fear of opening up. Some may say it is fear of rejection but in my mind it is more a fear of opening up. We have all been rejected once or twice in our lives, but if you opening up to a person you have never seen in the physical form can be intimidating/fearful, especially with the goal of marriage in mind. If we are sending a message, we are most likely interested in moving towards getting to know the person better with the future goal of possibly marriage if things are right. If we open up to much to someone we have never met, and then there is a rejection...it can feel a bit worse than a face to face rejection.

Just a few suggestions of mine relevant to your query.
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Jan 11th 2014 new
Telepathic empathy. If you can feel the actual suffering of the other creature, the com passio of Christ ... well, you probably won't send silly posts to them. Or something like that?
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Jan 11th 2014 new
(quote) Roystan-340472 said: Telepathic empathy. If you can feel the actual suffering of the other creature, the com passio of Christ ... well, you probably won't send silly posts to them. Or something like that?
just had to say...lovely, Roystan...we are many different wounded here...tread softly....needed to be said... thumbsup
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Jan 11th 2014 new
I think it is good to "opt" for joy....in our words that we type, you know?
...we all could complain, gripe, and moan...but if we really KNOW Christ...we can share HIS joy...even if we are not FEELING joyful....just if you give joy to others...you might receive an uplift yourself in the process, you know?

No one here has a life that is complete...or they would not be here, right? Not everyone has the answers here, right...so we are ALL mutually stumbling along...so if we can at least keep typing away in a spirit of ...camraderie...yes, we are different, but the same...we all hurt...we all bleed...

but we can ENCOURAGE everyone...whether we are "in like' with them or not????, or sump'n?
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Jan 11th 2014 new
(quote) Carol-1007500 said:

Please help me understand (and forgive my psychotherapist leanings), but what factors do you think play into our collective difficulties connecting with each other here on CM? My intent is to facilitate constructive dialogue between genders, increase mutual understanding of internet meeting/dating difficulties, and to promote healthier interactions that lead toward the marriage goal toward which many of us strive.

Carol, I love this post and the intention behind it. I definitely echo Michael's responses. I believe fear is major.

* Fear of putting forth effort b/c we don't believe we can be one of the success stories. The others meet their match, that won't happen to me mentality.
* Fear of getting out of our comfort zone.
* Fear of rejection, so little inclination to initiate contact.
* Fear of being hurt b/c when you put yourself out there, that is always a possibility.
* Fear of scammers/game players.
* Fear d/t the past
* Fear of connecting with someone long distance b/c of assumptions that it won't work.

Fear is not of God. The enemy wants us to be afraid, so we won't step out in faith. All of these fears prevent authentic communication and lessens our probability of being one of the success stories.

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Jan 11th 2014 new
You're a very kind person, Barbara, but the post is saying something.
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Jan 11th 2014 new
(quote) Roystan-340472 said: You're a very kind person, Barbara, but the post is saying something.
sorry...okay...I see! I flipped it...sorry...
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Jan 11th 2014 new
That's because you're instinctively a kind person. I don't (usually) flip, but that's because I don't have that instinctive kindness. Telepathic empathy would be nice.
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Jan 11th 2014 new
(quote) Roystan-340472 said: That's because you're instinctively a kind person. I don't (usually) flip, but that's because I don't have that instinctive kindness. Telepathic empathy would be nice.

I fully agree that Barbara is instinctively a kind person, Roystan. Would you please define for us what you mean by "telepathic empathy?" Sorry to be so empirical.

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