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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 11th 2014 new
(quote) Barbara-863769 said: I am your biggest fan.
I care about you.
I admire you.
I like you.

I statements make things really CLEAR...Father, Creator...His unpronounceable name....I Am....what you want fill in the blank with His titles....but they are all I....I Am Lover, I Am Provider, I Am Consoler, I Am Healer, I Am...I just AM ......everything!!!!!!!

Simplicity is best...Those "Cabbage Patch Kids"...Remember them? They (the originals) did not talk or say anything...and they were not really very cute in their facial features....Kids went crazy for them....and adults FOUGHT over them at Christmastime ....ugh!

But...studies wanted to know WHAT was the appeal of an obviously "stitched doll" without any gizmos....
no bottles no sparkly blond hair and lipstick lips or plastic cribs included in the packaging...They discovered what it was.....

The simple open stretched-out arms....MADE the doll come alive to the child walking buy...that child knew what that meant because she/he knew that he/she did that to their parent or older sibling or caretaker...it meant: HOLD ME!

Simple for a child: Hug me!!!!


Hi Barbara,

This reminds me of those gifted folks who can put out pulses of kindness from their eyes, and through some kind of return " radar " instantly focus on the person in a room hurting most. Do we sometimes emit an aura of " Help / Hold me ! ) ? And to turn it around, do we emit a particular aura to others that conveys "I like you " ?
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Jan 11th 2014 new
(quote) Jacqueline-198 said: Fear. fear of stepping out if their comfort zone, fear of getting hurt, fear of hurting others. of still living in the past, past mistakes etc, fear of the unknown, focusing on what may happen instead of focusing on the here and now, so its easier to hide behind a screen than taking a risk AND GO OUT AND MEET SOMEONE FOR COFFEE OR TO MEET, its a meeting not a commitment!! just saying!! :)

Putting my full support and clinical background behind you, Jacqueline!

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Jan 11th 2014 new
(quote) Bernie-645443 said: Hi Barbara,

This reminds me of those gifted folks who can put out pulses of kindness from their eyes, and through some kind of return " radar " instantly focus on the person in a room hurting most. Do we sometimes emit an aura of " Help / Hold me ! ) ? And to turn it around, do we emit a particular aura to others that conveys "I like you " ?
Bernie,

They say it is improper to answer a question with a question...but here goes... shhh

If I say I DO believe that some have a God given ability to sense hurt, and a God given charism of hospitality...welcoming...will I be roasted???? wide eyed

Carol just started a thread on a game of answering a question with a question...if you are interested...that is where I am honing my skill of being improper! rolling eyes

Can I practice the gift of welcoming to invite you there....just kidding... biggrin

Good to talk to you, Bernie!
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Jan 11th 2014 new
(quote) Margaret-20183 said: Is there something wrong with sending silly posts from time to time? And why can't "silly" posts be legitimate, thoughtful responses to the sufferings of others?

Much can be inferred of one's emotional state through the written word. It is possible to empathize with someone online.
No, no, no, Margaret, there is nothing wrong with sending silly posts. And will that not reveal other's inner selves?
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Jan 12th 2014 new
(quote) Bernie-645443 said: Hi Barbara,

This reminds me of those gifted folks who can put out pulses of kindness from their eyes, and through some kind of return " radar " instantly focus on the person in a room hurting most. Do we sometimes emit an aura of " Help / Hold me ! ) ? And to turn it around, do we emit a particular aura to others that conveys "I like you " ?
Some ideas / impressions :

Sometimes I think we are like bubbles, acting, at rest, acting upon others. The membranes may touch, the boundaries may be twisted, moved. In a larger space less contact may happen. In small spaces we are molded and pressed into shape to fit the available space, or the " other's " jigsaw edges. In reality, being limited beings, we can't completely merge our boundaries and contained essense / experience. Since we are created individual souls, can we ever pass the " other " membrane ?

When speaking of telepathic empathy, are there levels, or is it a full communication, and is it uni-directional, bi-directional, or infused from outside either of the individuals ?

Is it some part of God in us that initiates the " spark " of attraction ? Or, having free will, do we somehow by the actor / observer transaction actually make the spark ? Part of taking our time, getting to know someone, " friends first ", etc., seems to indicate a substantial amount of " creating " attraction. Just as twins can be so different in interests, I suspect that some of our like or indifference to closely similar individuals may be self started.

Is the spark part of a universal essense of love, and our " falling in love " moment only a lifting of part of a cloak caused by our imperfect nature ?

Just me, I've come to feel that I have a much larger amount of free will in matters of " love " than I had suspected years ago. In a " graph " sense, one can explore the optimum number of relationships, or the optimum intensity/depth of one relationship.

I agree with the other posters who have noted the importance of choosing to take action, whether that is contacting more people or developing our meeting with God, or increasing our service to others.
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Jan 12th 2014 new
(quote) Barbara-863769 said: Bernie,

They say it is improper to answer a question with a question...but here goes...

If I say I DO believe that some have a God given ability to sense hurt, and a God given charism of hospitality...welcoming...will I be roasted????

Carol just started a thread on a game of answering a question with a question...if you are interested...that is where I am honing my skill of being improper!

Can I practice the gift of welcoming to invite you there....just kidding...

Good to talk to you, Bernie!
Hi Barbara,

Just me, have put the grill away for the winter.


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Jan 12th 2014 new
(quote) Carol-1007500 said:

Please help me understand (and forgive my psychotherapist leanings), but what factors do you think play into our collective difficulties connecting with each other here on CM? My intent is to facilitate constructive dialogue between genders, increase mutual understanding of internet meeting/dating difficulties, and to promote healthier interactions that lead toward the marriage goal toward which many of us strive.

No matter how great the penpal, my smartphone/tablet/laptop is just not all that snuggly. We are hardwired for direct human interaction and social media is not an adequate substitute.
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Jan 12th 2014 new
(quote) Bernie-645443 said: Some ideas / impressions :

Sometimes I think we are like bubbles, acting, at rest, acting upon others. The membranes may touch, the boundaries may be twisted, moved. In a larger space less contact may happen. In small spaces we are molded and pressed into shape to fit the available space, or the " other's " jigsaw edges. In reality, being limited beings, we can't completely merge our boundaries and contained essense / experience. Since we are created individual souls, can we ever pass the " other " membrane ?

When speaking of telepathic empathy, are there levels, or is it a full communication, and is it uni-directional, bi-directional, or infused from outside either of the individuals ?

Is it some part of God in us that initiates the " spark " of attraction ? Or, having free will, do we somehow by the actor / observer transaction actually make the spark ? Part of taking our time, getting to know someone, " friends first ", etc., seems to indicate a substantial amount of " creating " attraction. Just as twins can be so different in interests, I suspect that some of our like or indifference to closely similar individuals may be self started.

Is the spark part of a universal essense of love, and our " falling in love " moment only a lifting of part of a cloak caused by our imperfect nature ?

Just me, I've come to feel that I have a much larger amount of free will in matters of " love " than I had suspected years ago. In a " graph " sense, one can explore the optimum number of relationships, or the optimum intensity/depth of one relationship.

I agree with the other posters who have noted the importance of choosing to take action, whether that is contacting more people or developing our meeting with God, or increasing our service to others.
Bernie,

Wonderful questions! Wonderful insights!

telepathic empathy: I have not done research, but I believe if it is God given, such a big heart for the hurting must have levels...If the Gift is given for service to humanity-being Christ to the world- it must be accepted, recognized, and honed to do the greater good that Christ would want HIS heart to do, no?

Yes, I believe God is the ONE we are searching for when we search in each other for the perfect match...It is HE we seek...and so it's the Christ in the other we really desire...and when that portion of Christ is unearthed...we fall into HIS arms and listen to the sound of HIS heartbeat....if only for a fleeting brief season...So the other...the beloved shows us Christ...in small everyday presence, and sharing, and out- serving each other LOL With Christ and prayer in the center of the relationship the spark burns into the light God wants to see on the hilltop!

I agree that it is indeed necessary to get to know a person and feel safety and security...but to "work at being friends first...making that work...dragging it out...studying dissecting...I think you know within a short period of intense daily communication.... gives you a good basis for making even just apreliminary determination of whether you were good for each other...Praying together, sharing devoitonals, reading inspirational books on the phone... gives you a good launchpad to meet and greet or F2F times...then meeting family and being good stewards of your time to build relationship has to be done from will...effort...work. But I don't hink if it is the spark of God...that you really need to work at MAKING the two of you INTO beloveds...it is either there, or not there...and from that determination you share the journey...of becoming a couple...over time...but monogamously...with hedges to protect the growing love....until the day you promise and invite The Lord of your dance to join in!!

One can explore the optimum number of relationships...and that may be tintillating to those fascinated with numbers and combinations...or there are those who much rather explore the optimum intensity of ONE relationship....and that relationship based on joint prayer, probing questions, joint discernment....To me, that is the most wonderful way to explore...in depth with one...BUT if my or your "other" is not desirous of one to one cherishing and discovering... therein can lie heartache...because God's initial spark...can't ignite green wood...seasoned wood...ready for the fireplace...WOW what a roaring fire Christ can begin, no?

Wonderful to consider, and beautiful to envision! We could have some nice bonfires here, right? CM could really light up the darkness! Good News when you entertain the possibility of God-in-charge!! Thanks, Bernie! biggrin
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Jan 12th 2014 new
(quote) Carol-1007500 said:

Please help me understand (and forgive my psychotherapist leanings), but what factors do you think play into our collective difficulties connecting with each other here on CM? My intent is to facilitate constructive dialogue between genders, increase mutual understanding of internet meeting/dating difficulties, and to promote healthier interactions that lead toward the marriage goal toward which many of us strive.

The challenges i have encountered here;
one. no cm members in my country who are active , they just have their profiles here waditing to be contacted but cant make any effort to subscribe and many do not have internet at home and work place

TWO; LDR - I have met very great people here but they are challenged by the distance,, and feel it cant work; so no need of writing much or keep the comunication

THREE; Many men here arent serious but just a place for cyber sociolization and spent some free time when lonely.
my subscription is expiring soon; but i have learnt a lot being here;
I have also learnt that a life partner is granted by God and no shortcut; one has to pray at all times even if you have a profile here it isnt a certificcate that with time a husband will avail himself or a wife will communicate with time;
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Jan 12th 2014 new

It could be that we are too connected, to our homes, our families, our jobs. If people are not in our immediate location, it becomes difficult to think about packing up and moving out. It literally would have to be a leap of faith, that God would provide a happy marriage, a new job, that our families will be supportive, that our friends will keep in touch. Ideally, I want to meet the man down the block or at least in a neighboring town. The chances of that are slim, so I joined Catholic match.

Finding love online is no different than that elusive needle in the haystack. The success stories I have seen have been from folks able to change locations. I joke with other widows that it is easier for people that are divorced because they only have half the stuff. I'm 54 and it is entirely different than it was at 20 when all I had was my family a few furnishings, a car and a job. I give a lot of credit to those disciples that dropped everything to follow Jesus. It seems like we are called to do the same to find a mate. That won't be possible if we aren't able to reach out and connect even in friendship.

Maybe we need to stop looking at the end result and just have fun, here and now, without worrying about the future. When things are right for us, the details all seem to fall into place. As Karen said in another post, not every message is a marriage proposal.

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