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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 12th 2014 new
(quote) Margaret-20183 said: I think many people see things as a matter of quantity rather than quality. Success is measured according to the number of profile views and messages received rather than the quality of the connection. I'd much rather go weeks without any views or messages until one gem of a man came around, rather than having my ego stoked with lots of attention that goes nowhere. That's why I have a profile that is constructed to hopefully appeal to the type of man I'd like. It's more a reflection of personality than a litany of facts.
Margie my friend, your post is so very true. Some state that women here bask in attention with no intentions for solid connection. So CM men, see here, Margie is a gem!

I now wish to state the obvious after reading so many thoughtful responses to this topic: let us pray for one another. I'm not posturing as some sort of saint here by suggesting it. God knows my willful and wounded self, but He gives me the grace to see what needs to be done. The merciful Father has given us the gift of faith, and by it we can be leaven for the world. Can you imagine how powerful a thing it would be to have more faith-filled couples who witness to His Love in a world that is desolate and bereft of the truth? So my prayer is that wounds are healed (here), that we then can move on towards bringing Heaven on earth by the testimony of our lives in Christ. Let's pray for each other...in a dedicated way.

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Jan 12th 2014 new
Speaking only for single parents, sometimes it's about fatigue and priorities. I measure my free time each day in minutes, not hours. Second, the needs of my kids come first.

Many people aren't willing to tolerate coming in 3rd, behind God and kids. I respect every individual's right to preferences- but I am not the right person for them. If that means my friendships are limited to other parents and, (after my annulment is complete), I still don't have a romantic relationship, so be it. God entrusted these kids to me to raise and that is what I will do, to the best of my ability.

By the way, I do anticipate that, if I do remarry, my husband will slide into second place, but that's a position that has to be earned.
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Jan 12th 2014 new
(quote) Johnny-975202 said: Lot's mentioned already.

He/She is out of one's league.

Do you care to say more about your perception, Johnny?

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Jan 12th 2014 new
(quote) Lina-796057 said: You have probably described a big reason why there is so much lack of "success" on dating sites--generalization instead of specialization; humongous supermarket instead of the corner butcher shop. The number of possibilities, the selection, is vast. In trying to decide, the belief is that a better one will be found if we just look some more.

I agree, Lina, that this mentality trips us up.

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Jan 12th 2014 new
(quote) Carol-1007500 said: What's this about "out of one's league?"

Hi Carol,

I will explain this phrase. Please keep in mind that I am being "descriptive" in this response and not "normative" , that is, describing a particular reality only and not writing about the way things should be.

Thinking that a person is "out of one's league" means dividing men or women into at least two different groups (possibly more than two groups). One group has people that are more attractive than the other, and often times more accomplished and also more interesting. A person then thinks that another person of the opposite sex is in a "higher league" than he/she is. So if that happens on CM, a man or woman may decide not to contact that other person because, in the mind of the person deciding not to initiate contact, that other person is not in the same league and will likely not be interested.



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Jan 12th 2014 new
1st, the very nature of CM, or any other dating site, is artificial. It's not necessarily bad, just artificial. 2nd, for those of us that are old, we've likely been hurt before. We are therefore careful about giving our heart to someone. And maybe a lot of us fear there may not BE someone.
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Jan 12th 2014 new
I would respectfully disagree with your position. Of course, you must do what you want. However, I think it is the duty of one married to put that marriage partner first.
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Jan 12th 2014 new
(quote) Michael-308675 said:

Hi Carol,

I will explain this phrase. Please keep in mind that I am being "descriptive" in this response and not "normative" , that is, describing a particular reality only and not writing about the way things should be.

Thinking that a person is "out of one's league" means dividing men or women into at least two different groups (possibly more than two groups). One group has people that are more attractive than the other, and often times more accomplished and also more interesting. A person then thinks that another person of the opposite sex is in a "higher league" than he/she is. So if that happens on CM, a man or woman may decide not to contact that other person because, in the mind of the person deciding not to initiate contact, that other person is not in the same league and will likely not be interested.



Then it is important for people to have a realistic self view. That is, a person with low self esteem might eliminate those who actually are in there league. Right?

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Jan 12th 2014 new
(quote) Carol-1007500 said:

Then it is important for people to have a realistic self view. That is, a person with low self esteem might eliminate those who actually are in there league. Right?

Right on both points I think (to the extent there really are leagues).

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Jan 12th 2014 new
(quote) Laurel-904204 said: This sounds realistic. However, I reach out to many and never get a response other than a "view" of the profile. If I take the time to look at a profile and they have interview questions, I answer them. They obviously are going to know I "viewed their profile" so I might as well leave a little bit of who I am before I leave. It won't stop me from continuing on. I would enjoy a bit of conversation even if it ended on a dead end street. I work two jobs and don't have as much time as I would like to participate in the forums.
Excellent attitude Laurel!! I really think many on here would be just as shy in person. So give it your best and keep moving!!
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