Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match!

A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 18th 2014 new
(quote) Patrick-341178 said: Do you ever sit and wonder about that special someone in your past and think if things had just been a bit different, they may be your spouse? I turn 35.5 on Thursday so going back to really when I started dating for the first time in college about 17+ years ago, I definitely have those thoughts. I think about first girl I dated. I met her on the 2nd day of freshman orientation and dated her for a whopping 7 days before she met another guy at a keg party LOL. My first relationship experience was during my sophomore year. She was a freshman and we were set up through a family member. BAD IDEA!!! (For those of you 25 and under who have lived virtually all your lives since about 5th grade with the Internet, thank God that site like this now exist so you never, ever have to be set up again. The situation is still actually kinda akward to this day.. but I digress...) I had another relationship at age 24 that lasted for about 6 months. Probably my best to date. And then another 3+ years later with a gal I actually met on eharmony (you can read my profile for details on that). And through here on catholicmatch there have been numerous very short lived dating encounters. (You can actually read about 2 recent ones on a forum I just posted...)

Of the numerous very short lived dating encounters, there is one that sticks out. I first emotigrammed her about I believe the Spring of 2011. She never replied. I then emotigrammed her I believe a few more times over the next few months. No response. No harm, no foul. But, then at co-parish Christmas party in 2011 she just happened to be there and recognized me. To be honest, I am not sure if she hadn't said anything that I would have recognized her. Chicago is a big city and there are many profiles to gloss over. We then kinda hit it off at the party and exchanged numbers.

Usually, when I meet someone, I like things to develop very slowly in the beginning. Perhaps that has hurt me in a few cases in the past, but I just and not comfortable with the idea of basically being in a relationship someone only after a couple weeks of dating. 2-3 months is more in my comfort zone. However, in this particular case, I kinda got caught up in the moment and it was almost like we were in a relationship 1 week later. The only thing that slowed it down a bit was the fact that she went back home to Wisconsin for Christmas and New Years. Although we were in constant communication.

I suppose this freaked me out a bit even though I did really like her. I also had just become a catholic match paying again member after about a 3 or 4 month hiatus. I never had expected to have actually met someone at that particular Christmas party.. much less someone who recognized me from this site.

So, when she got back from Christmas break, I told her that I wasn't ready for all this and offered her friendship for now. Since we only had dated for a very short period of time, I was hoping she would be ok with that, but she definitely was not. It then got very akward and we actually went again a few weeks later. She said then she was open to letting it develop slowly but about a week later, she broke it off completely. I was filled with some mixed emotions and didn't really understand why she felt the need to close the door completely after saying before the door was still open. As it turned out, there was another guy in the picture - something I wasn't aware of at the time. I didnt find out about this other guy until several months later until she posted "in a relationship" on facebook. Since we weren't yet in a relationship, there was nothing technically wrong with that, but it nevertheless kinda bothered me. If she had been more upfront about that other situation, perhaps I would have acted differently. It is hard to say in retrospect but it is possible.

After this facebook posting, I did see her once more in person a few months later. We still remained facebook friends and she invited me to her going away party from Chicago. (She moved a couple of hours away.) I am not sure why exactly she did invite me, although, it may have been kinda and un-vite. She didnt really expect me or wanted me to go, but was just trying to be nice. I had reservations about going myself, but figured since this may be the last time I ever see her, what the hey?

I had to work earlier in the day so I got there about an hour late. I planned on making more of a cameo appearance and then just wishing her well. But, then when I noticed her bf wasnt there and when she was being a bit flirty towards me, I decided to stay a bit longer. I thought it was odd that he wasn't there so I thought maybe that situation perhaps had or was running its course.

Since this particular party wasnt the right time or place to tell her that I missed her, I wrote her an email the next day telling her how I felt. I then waited in agony for a reply and when her name appeared on my email, I actually couldnt read it for another day or two. I didnt really know what to expect but then I finally opened it, and it was very underwhelming to say the least. She told me her relationship was still going strong so that was that. I was disappointed but figured that since she was moving out of the area, perhaps it was for the best and I wished her well.

We then remained facebook friends for about another year after that. It was certainly akward to read updates about her relationship status but I wasnt about to defriend her. But eventually she unfriended me. I understood why but it still a bit of a daggar to know that officially we were done forever. But, anyways, I still wished her well privately.

But, the weird thing about facebook is that even when someone defriends you, you can still go to their profile and see updates and they never know you looked (unlike this site). It is kinda stalker-esque to an extent, but I cant help but look people up from the past from time to time. So, I admit I still looked to see what her status was from time to time. I then just looked tonight and saw she got engaged on new year's eve.

I suppose it is kinda a bittersweet feeling since I havent seen her in a year and a half and it has been 2 years since our very short courtship ended, but I cant help but think what could have been? I got engaged once to the wrong girl. But, was this the one that got away?

I am sure y'all have had other similar experiences.
Hello Patrick,

So sorry your loss, but I believe, as hard as it is, that everything works out for God's purpose. We never really understand why, but I always believed that God's intervention is remarkeable and He's the all-knowing God. Maybe Patrick a good way to look at it is a couple of ways, God has a master plan for your life and the "fish" that got away, maybe through her getting to know someone else, through their groups of friends, she may have the ability to help a soul on their journey and the only way that could happen is if life was carefully orchestrated by God himself. Even though we have the abilitiy to use our brains on an intellect level to make decisions that are good for us, the possibility of you looking excitedly to a positive future that God has in store for you. The hardest thing to do is wait for His Timing. I wish you the best, and I truly know what it's like to have the feelings you have, I think alot of us out there, have experienced the one that got away! ;0(

blessings and look up, for God has plans for your life!
Sharon
Jan 18th 2014 new
(quote) Ronald-937125 said: I see that Ted is one of the organizers of the dance. I've known Ted for over 20 years; he's also never been married. I've gone on bike rides with him, retreats and other singles activities...I guess we all are part of the rare group of men that haven't been married and have been seeking a Catholic spouse for over 25 years.
I've met Ted and Michael. There are quite a few of us never married men out there.
Jan 18th 2014 new
(quote) Bob-59786 said: I've met Ted and Michael. There are quite a few of us never married men out there.
Since Michael became involved with the group after I left Cincinnati 9 years ago, I don't know him. I assumed Michael was previously married.
In case you didn't know, Ted is also a runner, but I don't think he has done long distance runs like you have done over 10K. About 12 years ago I was running a 5K in the same run that Ted was in and had about the same time as he did.
Posts 81 - 83 of 83