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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
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Apr 13th 2014 new
(quote) Edwin-936532 said: Hi guys, I`m interested in having children at 55, but most women my age are through having children or can`t have children. That means I need to find a gal young enough to have kids. I know they`re out there, but need advise on how to ask. What do you think?

Hi Edwin,

I understand your desire for children, and I share it. It is interesting that instead of answers to your question about how to ask out women young enough to have kids, you've received so many mean, nasty and negative comments. Fortunately, there have been a few nice ones about the joys of older parenting or being the children of older parents.

My Mom's Dad was 48 when she was born, and she loved him dearly. He was a role model for her in so many ways, that I feel I know him through her. He was a little different than the other kids' dads in that he wasn't out there playing ball with them. But, he did really charming things. For example, for one of her high school birthday parties, he dressed up as a butler, and as all her friends came by to Trick or Treat, he greeted them at the door and announced them as one might announce a guest in days gone by in a wealthy mansion (although they were by no means wealthy). He never let on that he was Dad until my Mom told the kids herself. To this day, my Mom has a special love for polder people because of her great love for her Dad when she was a child.

Some terrible misinformation has been spewed forth by the ignorant regarding the safety of fathering kids at advanced ages. There does not seem to be any convincing evidence of increased problems with the children of older fathers, once the age of the mother is factored out. For example, there is no connection with Down's syndrome from fathers. Down's is caused by spindle anomalies in the egg due to the fact that they begin meisosi about the time a gorls is born and hang in metaphase until that egg is selected for maturing and ovulation. All those years on metaphase lead tot he risk of trisomy. Sperm are bener frozen in metaphase, so thjis risk does not exists.

It is true that sperm, like any other dividing cell in the body, accumulate mutations with time, due to radiation and errors of replication, but the sperm have a natural selection pressure: they must swim a long way up the cervix through the uterus and into the fallopian tuve in order to achieve conception. This likely eliminates mostr of the defective sperm before the reach the ovum, and probably selects for the healthy ones. Sperm production is fairly constant between the ages of 40 and 70. There is a recent epidemi9ologic study associuating older age fathers with autism, but the rates ore very low and these epidemiologic studies are fraught with complications. I would not be surprised if there is a very small but measurable increase in some physical problems with children taken as a large population, but the indicidual rishk is going to be very low...nothing like the risk of Down's in women over 35 for example.

But, the benefits to having an older father should be taken into account. Some men, once past the age of needing to fight for their careers, prove themselves to society and themselves, chase after glory, adventure, and conquest, and largely be absent from the home, may reach a point where they have the time, patience, skill, and love to give to a family, and be a truly attentive spouse and a truly caring, involved, engaged, and loving father. Some men have missed this opportunity because they were completely engaged in their careers. Some had family entang;lements that sapped their time, energy and resources. Finding themselves in an emotionally, financially, and worlk related stable place, the love they have to gove is still there, latent, nascient, ready to be given to a lucky child. This could be a grandchild. But it also could be a natural child or an adopted child.

I'm in Fiji just now, and a few days ago I met a man in his 70s who has just adopted a beautiful little Fijian girl of about 3. She is actually his grand daoughter, but the mother was deemed incompetent, the father has disappeared, and he and his wife petitioned and were granted legal custody, and now they weill raise this lovely girl. Rightly so. He appears to be a level headed man who has much to give to this lucky child. Whenever the Lord takes him home, she will still have had some years, perhaps many, of love, care, concern, and example. I found him an inspiration.

Anyway, I just wanted to write you and the few others of us guys out there that missed out on a real family life but have reached a stage of life where we are ready. Hopefully we have 20 or 30 more good years left, lots of love in our hearts, and enough time, energy, focus, wisdom, money, and skill to be a great dad and a full time husband...not someone flitting off to save the world, like so many 20, 30, and 40 year olds who only see their kids in passing.

Of course, as you may have gathered from this thread, you are not too likely to find the women who appreciates this in America! I won't speculate on why. But, there are places in the world where age is considered a matter of respect and wisdom and honor, and not a thing to be ashamed about. We must look into our hearts and see if we have the energy, love and compassion to commit to it. We must take care of our health, stay happy, and not let the naysayers discourage us.

So many things I've accomplished in my short life started out with people saying, no way...you can't do that because....blah, blah, blah. In most cases I've proved them wrong. Yes, you can do that. But, you can't do everything all at once. To achieve the really challenging but worthwhile goal, you have to commit to it fully with all your heart. A fellow who in his 40s or 50s or higher who commits to being a great dad and husband would have a high likelihood of succeeding, I think, provided he were willing to put chasing the other things that distracted him in his youth aside and truly focused on those roles. Non illigitimi carborundum!!

Good luck, mate!

Apr 13th 2014 new

Sorry...I'm in a remote area and the internet times out before I could edit my post. Here is the edited version.

Hi Edwin,

I understand your desire for children, and I share it. It is interesting that instead of answers to your question about how to ask out women young enough to have kids, you've received so many mean, nasty and negative comments. Fortunately, there have been a few nice ones about the joys of older parenting or being the children of older parents.

My Mom's Dad was 48 when she was born, and she loved him dearly. He was a role model for her in so many ways, that I feel I know him through her. He was a little different than the other kids' dads in that he wasn't out there playing ball with them. But, he did really charming things. For example, for one of her high school birthday parties, he dressed up as a butler, and as all her friends came by to Trick or Treat, he greeted them at the door and announced them as one might announce a guest in days gone by in a wealthy mansion (although they were by no means wealthy). He never let on that he was Dad until my Mom told the kids herself. To this day, my Mom has a special love for polder people because of her great love for her Dad when she was a child.

Some terrible misinformation has been spewed forth by the ignorant regarding the safety of fathering kids at advanced ages. There does not seem to be any convincing evidence of increased problems with the children of older fathers, once the age of the mother is factored out. For example, there is no connection with Down's syndrome from fathers. Down's is caused by spindle anomalies in the egg, due to the fact that they begin meisosis about the time a girls is born and hang in metaphase until that egg is selected for maturing and ovulation. All those years in metaphase lead to the risk of trisomy-21. Sperm are never frozen in metaphase, so this risk essentially does not exist.

It is true that sperm, like any other dividing cell in the body, accumulate mutations with time, due to radiation and errors of replication, but the sperm have a natural selection pressure: they must swim a long way up the cervix through the uterus and into the fallopian tube in order to achieve conception. This likely eliminates most of the defective sperm before they reach the ovum, and probably selects for the healthy ones. Sperm production is fairly constant between the ages of 40 and 70. There is a recent epidemiologic study associating older age fathers with autism, but the rates are very low and these epidemiologic studies are fraught with complications. I would not be surprised if there is a very small but measurable increase in some physical problems with children taken as a large population, but the individual risk is going to be very low...nothing like the risk of Down's in women over 35 for example.

But, the benefits to having an older father should be taken into account. Some men, once past the age of needing to fight for their careers, having already proven themselves to society and themselves, chased after glory, adventure, and conquest, and largely been absent from the home, may reach a point where they have the time, patience, skill, and love to give to a family, and be a truly attentive spouse and a truly caring, involved, engaged, and loving father. Some men have missed this opportunity, because they were completely engaged in their careers. Some had family entanglements that sapped their time, energy and resources. Finding themselves in an emotionally, financially, and work-related stable place, the love they have to give is still there, latent, nascient, ready to be given to a lucky child. This could be a grandchild. But it also could be a natural child or an adopted child.

I'm in Fiji just now, and a few days ago I met a man in his 70s who has just adopted a beautiful little Fijian girl of about 3. She is actually by blood his grand daughter, but the mother was deemed incompetent, the father has disappeared, and he and his wife petitioned and were granted legal custody, and now they will raise this lovely girl. Rightly so! He appears to be a level headed man who has much to give to this lucky child. Whenever the Lord takes him home, she will still have had some years, perhaps many, of love, care, concern, and example. I found him an inspiration.

Anyway, I just wanted to write you and the few others of us guys out there that missed out on a real family life but have reached a stage of life where we are ready. Hopefully we have 20 or 30 more good years left, lots of love in our hearts, and enough time, energy, focus, wisdom, money, and skill to be a great dad and a full time husband...not someone flitting off to save the world, like so many 20, 30, and 40 year olds who only see their kids in passing.

Of course, as you may have gathered from this thread, you are not too likely to find the woman who appreciates this in America! I won't speculate on why here. But, there are places in the world where age is considered a matter of respect, and wisdom, and honor, and not a thing to be ashamed about. We must look into our hearts and see if we have the energy, love and compassion to commit to it. We must take care of our health, stay happy, and not let the naysayers discourage us.

So many things I've accomplished in my short life started out with people saying, no way...you can't do that because....blah, blah, blah. In most cases I've proved them wrong. Yes, you can do that. But, you can't do everything all at once. To achieve the really challenging but worthwhile goal, you have to commit to it fully with all your heart. A fellow who in his 40s or 50s or higher who commits to being a great dad and husband would have a high likelihood of succeeding, I think, provided he were willing to put chasing the other things that distracted him in his youth aside and truly focused on those roles. Non illigitimi carborundum!!

Good luck, mate!

Apr 13th 2014 new
(quote) Edwin-936532 said: Hi guys, I`m interested in having children at 55, but most women my age are through having children or can`t have children. That means I need to find a gal young enough to have kids. I know they`re out there, but need advise on how to ask. What do you think?
Edwin hello, welcome to the forums. It is wonderful to know that you are considering having a child, family. Age for men to have children does not have a limitation. I know of older men (late 50-60's) in our country who still had babies. What is essential is the guy is ready to take the parenting responsibilities, able to take care, love the baby/family and fit, financially able/stable for the baby/family needs. As for how to ask... find the right woman of your own choice who you can have to start your family. Search for her, she might be here or elsewhere. You have to broaden your search in terms of location, age. Everything is possible, keep the faith and He knows of your heart's desire. Stay optimistic. Your intentions are pure. Blessings.
Apr 13th 2014 new
(quote) Beng-1051944 said: Edwin hello, welcome to the forums. It is wonderful to know that you are considering having a child, family. Age for men to have children does not have a limitation. I know of older men (late 50-60's) in our country who still had babies. What is essential is the guy is ready to take the parenting responsibilities, able to take care, love the baby/family and fit, financially able/stable for the baby/family needs. As for how to ask... find the right woman of your own choice who you can have to start your family. Search for her, she might be here or elsewhere. You have to broaden your search in terms of location, age. Everything is possible, keep the faith and He knows of your heart's desire. Stay optimistic. Your intentions are pure. Blessings.
Thanks Beng for your comments based on values that are consistant with being a Christian Catholic. I admire women from your country that have more traditional values than women in the US.
Apr 13th 2014 new
(quote) Ronald-937125 said: Thanks Beng for your comments based on values that are consistant with being a Christian Catholic. I admire women from your country that have more traditional values than women in the US.
Thank you so much Ronald for the kind words. It is well appreciated. God bless us all.
Apr 19th 2014 new

I've been working with a fellow American Catholic here in Fiji who after he raised his natural children, parented for another generation by adopting 8 more children over time back in the States, raising them up until recently and is still actively involved with most of them. He's in his 70s and vigorous as ever. His quiet competence and love are amazing. I haven't met his wife yet, but am sure she is equally amazing.

By the way, he just left us for 2 days of surfing the world class waves on a remote Fijian Reef. With another friend who is a young whippersnapper of 65. But, he'll be back to treat the local people in the hospital after Easter. I guess 70 is the new 40. Man, what an inspiration! What do the surfer dudes in Cali say? "Old guys rule!"

Guess so.

Apr 19th 2014 new
(quote) Gerald-283546 said:

I've been working with a fellow American Catholic here in Fiji who after he raised his natural children, parented for another generation by adopting 8 more children over time back in the States, raising them up until recently and is still actively involved with most of them. He's in his 70s and vigorous as ever. His quiet competence and love are amazing. I haven't met his wife yet, but am sure she is equally amazing.

By the way, he just left us for 2 days of surfing the world class waves on a remote Fijian Reef. With another friend who is a young whippersnapper of 65. But, he'll be back to treat the local people in the hospital after Easter. I guess 70 is the new 40. Man, what an inspiration! What do the surfer dudes in Cali say? "Old guys rule!"

Guess so.

These are the stories that are so heartwarming.....an older couple adopting children. My assumption is that the children they adopted were not infants as almost all adoption agencies will not allow older couples to adopt infants. There is such a high need for couples that will adopt older children, especially children with disabilities. THANK you for sharing this. It is encouraging for the OP to consider adoption.
Apr 19th 2014 new
(quote) Beng-1051944 said: Edwin hello, welcome to the forums. It is wonderful to know that you are considering having a child, family. Age for men to have children does not have a limitation. I know of older men (late 50-60's) in our country who still had babies. What is essential is the guy is ready to take the parenting responsibilities, able to take care, love the baby/family and fit, financially able/stable for the baby/family needs. As for how to ask... find the right woman of your own choice who you can have to start your family. Search for her, she might be here or elsewhere. You have to broaden your search in terms of location, age. Everything is possible, keep the faith and He knows of your heart's desire. Stay optimistic. Your intentions are pure. Blessings.
Very sweet, Beng. Though he may find the "right woman of his own choice", he may not be the "right man of her own choice". The feeling has to be mutual because it goes both ways. Most younger women in the U.S. do not want to be married to someone who is much older because their financial support later in life is jeopardized. Things may be different in the Philippines in this regard. I do like your suggestions though to broaden his search in terms of location and age.
Apr 20th 2014 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said: These are the stories that are so heartwarming.....an older couple adopting children. My assumption is that the children they adopted were not infants as almost all adoption agencies will not allow older couples to adopt infants. There is such a high need for couples that will adopt older children, especially children with disabilities. THANK you for sharing this. It is encouraging for the OP to consider adoption.

I know your point of view, Joan, but I wasn't pushing adoption, but rather showing how viable older fathers can be.

You are correct that my friend's adopted kids were older and had many problems. It is likely that his successes with them stemmed from his training with his natural kids.

Apr 20th 2014 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said: Very sweet, Beng. Though he may find the "right woman of his own choice", he may not be the "right man of her own choice". The feeling has to be mutual because it goes both ways. Most younger women in the U.S. do not want to be married to someone who is much older because their financial support later in life is jeopardized. Things may be different in the Philippines in this regard. I do like your suggestions though to broaden his search in terms of location and age.
Thanks Joan. Point well made and taken for the mutual feelings and broadening Edwin's search for locations and age range. And yes in our country, we really take good care of our elders and loved ones lovingly and wholeheartedly as part of our values and culture. And to connect that to married couples here yes most Filipino husbands and wives make true and hold on to their marriage vows of "I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life." Also, Philippine culture view Marriage as a sacred union of love with legal prescriptions to preserve it. Historically, divorced was part of our Legal System from 1917-1950 but with our New Civil Code 1950, Divorced was disallowed under Philippine Law. Lastly, my observation in here is for men and women regardless of age, location, stability for as long as couples are ready for marriage then they tie the knot and most marriages are from almost the same age range or up to 10 years seniority and very rare cases on much older.
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