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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
Learn More:Abraham & Sarah

Feb 22nd 2014 new
I think that if God wants you to have children He will provide that for you and Bless you.
Feb 22nd 2014 new

Angela,

I hope my post didn't appear as bullying. I'm just speaking from experience. At 37 I had a level 2 ultrasound to measure the amount of fat on my baby's wrist, neck and foot as there was a high possibility of having a baby with Down's Syndrome due to my age. At 38, they did an amnio for my second child for the same reason. (I would have never considered to abort in either case, but I did want to be prepared.)

When I chaperoned a kindergarten field trip, one child yelled out, "Hey, Mike, is that your gramma?" My response was "Naw, I'm too cool to be a gramma!" but in reality, I easily could have been.

I know what it is like to yearn for a child. I waited 10 years for my blessings. My kids lost their dad when they were 10 and 11. They are terrific kids. They would have benefitted greatly from having him here. I wasn't left with the million dollars someone mentioned and it has not been easy being everything for everybody, but I can't imagine life without them.

It wasn't my intent to bully. We need men willing to be parents, good parents and strong role models. The priest speaking on vocations last week talked about how boys never live up to their father's expectations. He said without father's, boys would never get off the couch. I can relate to that.

Many people are waiting longer to start families. It isn't a new phenomenon. I hope that at least they are open to hear God calling in alternate directions than what they originally envisioned.

Feb 22nd 2014 new
(quote) Edwin-936532 said: Hi guys, I`m interested in having children at 55, but most women my age are through having children or can`t have children. That means I need to find a gal young enough to have kids. I know they`re out there, but need advise on how to ask. What do you think?
My dad was 52 and my mom was 39 when I was born. Kids would ask me if my parents were my grandparents. My aunts and uncles were older as well. To make the story short, my dad died when I was 19 and my mom died when I was 28. All of my other relatives are deceased except for my brother and a few cousins.

Being born to older parents can be very DIFFICULT on the child. I speak from firsthand experience.
Feb 22nd 2014 new

I was an adopted child, and very, very grateful for the adoptive parents I had. They had no biological children of their own. But mom was 45 and dad 55 when they adopted me. My dad was over the age limit for adopting a child in Ohio in 1960 by ten years, but mom was just a few months shy of turning 46 so they let it through. My last grandparent had died ten years prior, but fortunately I had an elderly aunt who was like a grandma to me. The saddest part is that dad died at 72, and mom at 63 due to cancer brought on by years of smoking. Do the math and you'll see I was 17 when dad died and only 18 when mom died 14 months later. My high school graduation fell between these days.

I had no guidance and encouragement from other family members because neither had been all that close to their own extended families. Today the extent of my family relations are with four cousins closest to my own age. I'm very grateful to them, but it still hurts to realize that I missed out on so much and made so many mistakes due to the lack of guidance of my extended family.

Now I'm 54 and haven't married. I'm no loser for sure, but I have no desire to father children at my age. If a woman that I meet from this site has kids that are still minors, of course I would do all I could for them. But at my age, no new children for me.

Feb 22nd 2014 new
(quote) Kathy-635104 said:

Angela,

I hope my post didn't appear as bullying. I'm just speaking from experience. At 37 I had a level 2 ultrasound to measure the amount of fat on my baby's wrist, neck and foot as there was a high possibility of having a baby with Down's Syndrome due to my age. At 38, they did an amnio for my second child for the same reason. (I would have never considered to abort in either case, but I did want to be prepared.)

When I chaperoned a kindergarten field trip, one child yelled out, "Hey, Mike, is that your gramma?" My response was "Naw, I'm too cool to be a gramma!" but in reality, I easily could have been.

I know what it is like to yearn for a child. I waited 10 years for my blessings. My kids lost their dad when they were 10 and 11. They are terrific kids. They would have benefitted greatly from having him here. I wasn't left with the million dollars someone mentioned and it has not been easy being everything for everybody, but I can't imagine life without them.

It wasn't my intent to bully. We need men willing to be parents, good parents and strong role models. The priest speaking on vocations last week talked about how boys never live up to their father's expectations. He said without father's, boys would never get off the couch. I can relate to that.

Many people are waiting longer to start families. It isn't a new phenomenon. I hope that at least they are open to hear God calling in alternate directions than what they originally envisioned.

I suppose I run myself into trouble when I read a bunch of posts and try to summarize. sorry I don't think that all of the posts related to this were bullying, and thank you for pointing out that it was not your intention.

I was the child of older parents. Yes, it was difficult, as they were mistaken for my grandparents, and they are no longer with me.

It was also a lot better. My father was retired, so my parents were more involved in my upbringing than a lot of other parents who had less time available. As well, I was raised in a loving home, which had nothing to do with my parents' ages. There are challenges regardless of one's life journey.

A balanced discussion on this may be more helpful to those seeking advice, because the issue of older parenthood isn't all negative or all positive.

Feb 22nd 2014 new
"A balanced discussion on this may be more helpful to those seeking advice, because the issue of older parenthood isn't all negative or all positive."

Exactly! As are most issues discussed on CM. If more people spoke in the "I", simply stating their experience or their viewpoint/understanding, and said their peace kindly, it would achieve what Angela described, and the person seeking advice could weigh all sides and work at making a more informed decision, now having a broader vision of the subject. It can become hurtful when people jump to "you"ing in their posts, influencing the target of the "you" to feel defensive. That usually closes the mind or heart to discussion, doesn't it?

Presentation matters.
Feb 22nd 2014 new
(quote) Paul-1049651 said: OK, I'm really writing because of Angela's comment about a lot of 'borderline bullying' in this thread. She makes some great points as usual, but I still think it's fair to ask 'why are you thinking of fatherhood now, after all these years (decades)? what stopped you before? do you see any downsides in being married to someone 20-35 years younger than yourself?' etc.
What stopped me before? I didn't really want to get someone pregnant from not being married; I guess you could say that stopped me.
I know that some of the ones here took advantage of women by not having a valid marriage and getting their companion pregnant, but I never considered that to be truly the Christian way of doing things.
You can be sure that if I was married at a younger age I would have had children.
I know that it's unlikely that I will have children but I still follow the traditional view of getting married is to be open to children regardless of age.
Feb 22nd 2014 new

Oddly many genetic disorders come up with fathers over 50. Hemophilia is one. I recommend doing Gods will. Pray....see what happens.


Feb 23rd 2014 new

Hi Edwin,

I didn't read all the replies to your post, but in my own case I am in a similar situation as you. If I were to marry I would want that family focus and hope for children to be a part of the relationship. That is actually a basic requirement of a Sacramental Marriage. Realistically I know that conceiving a child and bringing the child full term at my age is very unlikely, but not impossible. At our age I think it would be more of letting God lead in the sense of maybe looking into the idea of being Foster parents or helping out older kids or kids with special needs who need a home. On the other side, there are the patrons, Joachim and Anna and others like Abraham and Sarah, Zechariah and Elizabeth that God had a special call for them to be parents of children who brought His amazing blessings into this world - in their latter years.

Amelia

Feb 23rd 2014 new
I concur. Honesty is the best approach, and I hope in the end you find what you are looking for.
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