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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Mar 11th 2014 new

Kudos to Jerry & David for their responses. I think they both hold truth.

For me the grieving process was long and hard at the unexpected end of my marriage. There were a lot of whys and how could this happen. The first thing I did after I cried and talked with God, was to throw myself into my work. That helped immensely to deaden the pain and rebuild a wounded self esteem. I also did an executive MBA abroad in the first two years following the divorce. The grieving process served me well as far as my career.

After that came the difficult road to genuine forgiveness and wholeness. The annulment process helped with that.

The friends who stand with you through the process are more precious than gold and I will be forever grateful to them.


Mar 13th 2014 new
(quote) David-364112 said: It's difficult. When a relationship ends, we experience it on a very primal level. It's especially devastating if we've been rejected. A friend used to wag his finger in my face and say: "rejection is God's protection". I wanted to grab that finger of his and twist until it snapped. But he was right. Relationships end because something is fatally wrong with them. It's like a miscarriage. Something went terribly wrong with the pregnancy. When enough time has passed to be able to look back at it, we begin to see the flaws in the relationship and how it would not have been successful or lasting even though we had such strong feelings.

The best thing we can do is take stock of what went wrong focusing on OUR ROLE in that process. We can't change others but we can try to see our own faults and seek to correct them so they aren't repeated the next time around.

David's advice is spot on. I spent the years after my divorce exploring what I did wrong to undo the marriage.
Mar 13th 2014 new
My to be ex-wife's attorney took every little thing she said to him and in no uncertain terms abused me in a way that absolutely crushed me - they were misrepresented half truths designed to break me down. I was intimidated, bullied and threatened. This attorney did so while I was without an attorney and we were outside the court room. I foolishly without counsel went to introduce myself the first time we met. Ugly.
Mar 16th 2014 new
This is a tough thing to go through. I felt like a failure for not making my now exhusband happy. I blamed myself for a long time. I tried and still try to keep myself as busy as possible in order to not think. However, it was not working so great. Eventually i decided to attend mass. I was finally able to find some peace. I look forward on going every Sunday and feel the peace again as well as the message. I may eventually try to join church activities to be able to be more involved in church.
Mar 16th 2014 new
When a relationship ends it is always difficult. You go through different stages. However, when that happens after the initial shock I pray. I do believe that things happen for a reason. At first it may not be clear but later on it might. So I accept it, take it one day at a time, pray and eventually you come to a place where it doesn't seem so bad. I try to learn from it and after accepting it I let it go and try to move on. If I learned anything from my divorce I learned that it takes two people to make a marriage work. It takes two to say I do and only one to say it is over. You cannot control anyone but yourself and you can't make anyone love you. If one of the two in the relationship does not want to be in a relationship then it is better to accept it and move on. Sooooo if a relationship ends I leave it to God. I do believe what will be will be.
Mar 16th 2014 new
(quote) Kathy-730470 said: When a relationship ends it is always difficult. You go through different stages. However, when that happens after the initial shock I pray. I do believe that things happen for a reason. At first it may not be clear but later on it might. So I accept it, take it one day at a time, pray and eventually you come to a place where it doesn't seem so bad. I try to learn from it and after accepting it I let it go and try to move on. If I learned anything from my divorce I learned that it takes two people to make a marriage work. It takes two to say I do and only one to say it is over. You cannot control anyone but yourself and you can't make anyone love you. If one of the two in the relationship does not want to be in a relationship then it is better to accept it and move on. Sooooo if a relationship ends I leave it to God. I do believe what will be will be.
So beautifully put, Kathy. God always has His plan. I recently saw the movie Mary of Nazareth. It was excellent and she was so beautifully portrayed, especially in her acceptance of God's will. She pondered but she accepted.
Mar 16th 2014 new
(quote) Joanna-615441 said: We all go through it at some point in our lives, a relationship ends. Whether we ended it or the other person did, whether it needed to end or we didn't expect it and it came as a shock. We all know that sick feeling in our hearts when all the hopes and dreams are crushed. We have all experienced that feeling of vertigo and nausea like we are on a bad carnival ride after eating salmonella laced chicken.

So what do you do to cope?
It is like having the flu...but it lasts a long time.
Mar 16th 2014 new
One comment from a friend that, I believe, holds a lot of wisdom:


Whenever you've eaten salmonella laced chicken, you should always wait
at least 90 minutes before going on a bad carnival ride. laughing laughing
Mar 16th 2014 new
(quote) Sonia-1072767 said: This is a tough thing to go through. I felt like a failure for not making my now exhusband happy. I blamed myself for a long time. I tried and still try to keep myself as busy as possible in order to not think. However, it was not working so great. Eventually i decided to attend mass. I was finally able to find some peace. I look forward on going every Sunday and feel the peace again as well as the message. I may eventually try to join church activities to be able to be more involved in church.
Hi, Sonia. I have learned not to rush the pain. We are not on a time table and avoiding thinking is not always the best thing for me...I decided to go through it instead of trying to go around it.
May 5th 2014 new
I just know that it is ok to feel the emotions and it is ok to grieve. I also tend to get immersed in some books. The most recent book I read is "Necessary Endings" and it is great in helping with any ending. I also make sure that I do something for myself to help in the healing process.
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